I found out accidentally that my partner had been lying to me about a number of things, some since we first met 3 years ago.
He told me he owned properties and about the tenants living in those properties. He talked about the mortgages rates going up and how he planned to sell them but it just wasn’t happening, as the market was bad.
Turns out it was all a lie and he owns no properties. Made it all up.
Then he went away on a trip abroad and told me it was a business trip. I had a feeling something wasn’t right I rang him when he landed and confronted him. He flew into a rage of how could I accuse him of that and not trust him. Sent me evidence pictures he was where he said he was. He refused to speak with me the entire time he was away (a week) other than messages telling me how annoyed he was at me for doubting him. Then when he came back we ‘worked through things’. He swore blind he was where he said he was and told me about his meetings and his friends he had seen whilst there. I was told I had trust issues and that I could call his friends to prove he was telling the truth. I asked him numerous times about the trip and he got annoyed at me each time.
I found out a year later that he was actually on a boys trip parting in another country entirely.
So I found out about all of this (and more) at the same time. My spidey senses were just screaming at me to look into it all. I was so enraged once I found out he was lying that I went through his things to find more evidence. I’m not proud of this, but at this point I don’t even know who this man is who is living with me.
I was furious and totally devastated to find out that the man I loved so deeply and who I was hoping to marry and spend my life with had lied to me like this.
I packed some of his stuff and threw it outside and sent him a text dumping him. He came over the next day and we talked it through, he denied the lies and tried to spin me a story. I asked him to stay and work it out. He said no that he was leaving as I kicked him out and ‘no one does that to him’ and that he can’t forgive me for that.
We did work things through over the course of 2 weeks and he kept coming back to the fact that I kicked him out being such an awful thing. He came clean on the lies (it took him over a week and he was still trying to deny it and show me false evidence of his lies).
Now we have moved forward, 6 months later, and he is fixated on the fact that I kicked him out. He doesn’t trust me anymore, he says he can’t rely on me after what I did. I admit, I could have handled things better, but I didn’t. I didn’t know who this person was anymore and was scared and disgusted.
He is now cold and distant and unaffectionate and I’m miserable. He says it all stems from me kicking him out like that.
I show him everyday that I want to be there for him, help him in every way possible, but he just says I don’t help, he doesn’t need my help and he can do it all himself and I’m dragging him down with my sadness.
Was my response unreasonable and do I deserve to be punished like this?