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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband went out last night and drunk drove. I’m so disappointed and angry

78 replies

Shitthebed24 · 08/01/2024 06:30

Husband doesn’t go out much anymore and I’ve been encouraging him to see his friends more.

Yesterday he went out to the football with family (uncle and cousin). Didn’t hear much from him which was fine, but he said he’d be home about 8. When it got to a little after 8, he text to say he’d be home in an hour, strange as the game finished 2 hours prior but fine, trains are not running/strikes etc etc

When he did finally get home, he was pretty drunk and he had driven home. I was fuming at him, so disappointed. He’s done it a few times when we were younger and I told him that if he ever did it again it would be grounds for me to leave him.

I tried to speak to him last night, I mentioned that it would have been nice to be told he’d gone for more drinks after the game (I was stupidly waiting to eat dinner with him, won’t be doing that again) and that he had drunk far too much to drive. He started saying that I’ve gone out before and not text him and rocked up 3 hours later than I said (which I have and apologised for) and that if he’d of got a cab home, I’d be annoyed that he’d have to take my car and it would have been an argument so he just drove back.

I know that drink driving is incredibly selfish, disgusting thing to do. But the way I behaved last night, my husband has it is in his head that “he can’t go out and have fun without it kicking off when he gets home” which is not true. Hes gone to work now and im awake and seething at him still.

OP posts:
Motnight · 08/01/2024 06:32

You told him before that this was grounds to leave him, what's changed since then?

Babyblackbear78 · 08/01/2024 06:33

Wow, he’s more concerned about an argument with you than killing an innocent person. Unbelievable.

PuttingDownRoots · 08/01/2024 06:35

If he was drink last night was he sober enough to drive this morning?

IAmAnIdiot123 · 08/01/2024 06:40

No advice but I would be absolutley furious too.

PaintingPictures · 08/01/2024 06:40

I wouldn’t stay with someone who drinks and drives. A relative of mine was killed by someone who did it, it’s an incredibly selfish and unnecessary thing to do and devastates lives. Your husband is a cunt.

Sandytoxic · 08/01/2024 06:44

Talking to him last night when he was drunk wasn’t going to achieve anything. Can you get some uninterrupted time today?

solice84 · 08/01/2024 06:47

Errrrrrm nope
He doesn't get to make you feel guilty for being the 'fun police' on this one
He needs to know how serious this is

shoesday · 08/01/2024 06:52

Ltb like you said you would

Jifmicroliquid · 08/01/2024 06:54

I hate drunk drivers. Someone I know was recently killed by one.
I couldn’t be with anybody who does this.

Highlandflapped · 08/01/2024 06:54

He’s done something wrong and somehow you’re the one in trouble? Right.

My best friend lost her daughter to a drink driver. It destroys lives. I’d leave.

coodawoodashooda · 08/01/2024 06:57

I couldn't get past that.

margotrose · 08/01/2024 06:59

I lost a school friend of mine to drunk driving. This would be the end of the marriage for me.

Mairzydotes · 08/01/2024 07:04

I'd report him to the police. Has your local force got an online reporting facility ?

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 08/01/2024 07:04

Having an argument with your husband is not illegal. Staying out later than expected and not texting is not illegal. Drink driving is illegal.

Obviously drink driving is highly dangerous but that alone is obviously not enough to stop him if he has done it before. He needs to see how awkward it would be for him if he is caught and loses his license. He needs to find it easier to leave the car at home when going out for drinks even if that means that you drop him off and he gets a taxi back.

Yes you probably could leave him, and if no children it may be the easiest option. Not quite so easy if he might be driving them around unmonitored by you after having a few drinks.

Shinyandnew1 · 08/01/2024 07:05

He’s done it a few times when we were younger and I told him that if he ever did it again it would be grounds for me to leave him.

Have you changed your mind?

Tanfastic · 08/01/2024 07:09

Speak to him when he's sober.

The issue here is the drink driving nothing else.

I'd be fucking livid.

I wouldn't want to be with a man who did this. Massive dealbreaker.

Tooshytoshine · 08/01/2024 07:11

Tell him if he does it again you'll leave him but this time really mean it.

A close friend was killed driving back from our wedding by a drunk driver. She was driving as she was pregnant.

margotrose · 08/01/2024 07:14

Tooshytoshine · 08/01/2024 07:11

Tell him if he does it again you'll leave him but this time really mean it.

A close friend was killed driving back from our wedding by a drunk driver. She was driving as she was pregnant.

But she's already said that and not done it - why would he believe her this time?

EVHead · 08/01/2024 07:16

Focus on the drunk driving. This is not about him staying out late/not letting you know.

If you stay with him he’ll do it again.

Tooshytoshine · 08/01/2024 07:17

margotrose · 08/01/2024 07:14

But she's already said that and not done it - why would he believe her this time?

I was being facetious.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 08/01/2024 07:28

EVHead · 08/01/2024 07:16

Focus on the drunk driving. This is not about him staying out late/not letting you know.

If you stay with him he’ll do it again.

To be honest he will probably do it again even if they break up, however OP will avoid guilt by association.

Frangipanyoul8r · 08/01/2024 07:32

What would be in the implications if you reported him to the police for drink driving?

JoyOdell123 · 08/01/2024 07:33

He will do it again. Why would you marry such a man?

Mairzydotes · 08/01/2024 07:47

Frangipanyoul8r · 08/01/2024 07:32

What would be in the implications if you reported him to the police for drink driving?

A paper trail that he has allegedy done it . If he does it again and gets caught, they will know it’s not a one off .

NightisdarkandfullofterrorsGOT · 08/01/2024 07:48

He’s deflecting by blaming you and saying he did it to avoid an argument with you which just compounds what’s he’s done.