Why are so many kids STILL taking the father's name?

[LefthandRight]

Is this some kind of feminist blind spot? Most kids still get the dads name and I see women saying "it was just easier", "double barrelling was a mouthful", "I don't mind". You even get situations where the mum has not taken the father's name so she has a different name to her kids but "it's no big deal" and it's like... So it's no big deal for the woman but apparently its a huge big deal for the man?

It really makes me angry because I just can't believe women have to go through the effort and intrusiveness/pain of childbirth only to have that ownership "label" whipped off them, it feels unfair

lol what on earth is the point in your comment? Obviously I don’t “have to” get it and it’s nothing to do with me , but we are having a discussion/ debate are we not?. Pp posted sharing her personal reasons for giving kids DH’s name , I responded with some questions as they didn’t make any sense to me.

Because for lots of people, it's just a name and doesn't have any real meaning outside of that.

I took my husbands name as I preferred it to mine 🤷‍♀️

I've always said my children would have my surname if I wasn't married. I was willing to change my name on marriage though.

I've seen too many single mother's who regret giving their children the (turned out to be) deadbeat father's name.

I know someone who kept their surname on marriage and now, some of the children have her surname and some have their father's. It works for them!

Poster The bottom line is its non of your business .why are you so bitchy about other womans choices..some of us like a traditional set up
.and my husband didn't demand I took his name I did it because it was traditional and I was married I wanted my children to be a product of that and us all to have the same name .just because I gave birth doesn't give me anymore rights feminism is about choice .and my hubby is a good man who doesn't dictate my life far from it .

When two parent’s both with double barrelled names have a baby what do they choose?

One part of their surname to make a new double barrel? Quadruple barrel?

Make up a new name altogether?

My son has both our names. I kept mine or husband kept his when we got married.

I didn’t want to have a completely different name from my child and my husbands surname is awful. 🤣🤣

Ds was given dps name and a year later when we got married I took it too. That's what I wanted. I don't think it has to be a big issue really.

Why on earth do you care what random women are doing? You do you and let other women get on with their lives. So strange.

So the mother should own the child because she birthed it?
Ridculous

Because this is the way we have done things for centuries. Women marry, take their husband's surname. Children born of the marriage have that surname. It's social convention.

It's also social convention in many parts of the UK (NE England and Scotland especially) to use the mother's birth surname as a middle name. Both my boys have my maiden name as a middle name. Sometimes the mother's birth surname is used as a first name.

It also avoids the situation of some members of the family having a different surname from others. This is standard in places like Spain, but not the "norm" here.

Because I wanted to? Because I did and do believe marriage and unity is a better life. Because I wanted everyone to have the same name. Please note the I in that. No ownership in our team. Oh and double-barrelling is a bit naff to me but each to their own!

I hated my surname and couldn’t wait to change it. I think of it as a ‘family’ name. If I’d loved my surname maybe I’d have kept it or double-barrelled. I think it’s a really individual decision these days and that’s the main thing imho.
My PULs had v similar surnames when they got married so they both changed their name by deed poll to a shortened version of their surnames. So both changed, basically.

My children have their dad's surname simply because I prefer the sound of his surname to mine. I kept my surname when we got married because I'd had it for so long it felt like me and even though I don't like the sound of it very much I didn't want to change it. BTW it really is no big deal to us anyway ....

I give up

I often wonder this as it’s so common these days, I expect they choose a name from the double barrel.
to have first names & 4 surnames is bonkers!

Yep, any of those options.

What were you actually trying to do though?

@HaggisPakora , I would say the argument has more relevance when talking about unmarried parents. It is not traditional for children of those parents to have their father's name, but it happens more frequently than not currently.

This topic actually came up at work, I’m newly engaged and a few male colleagues asked me what my fiancés last name is (as in, what will my last name soon be) and I told them I would be keeping my last name thank you very much!

Kids would be double barrelled or just have two last names like the Spanish do. In Spain kids usually have two last names, so the names are “Personal name 1, Personal name 2, Paternal family name, Maternal family name”. Then when said children get married they usually pass on the paternal name only, so the grandchildren have two last names as well, one from mum and one from dad.

I was quite surprised at the negative reaction from my colleagues - they are both English men so maybe more old school!

Obviously I don’t care what random colleagues think but was interesting to observe as I imagine their wives would have had difficulty proposing the idea like some of the posters on here have had.

What you clearly need is therapy for the relationship with your father. Fuck off and leave the rest of us alone.

I care not what you think, what name I use for myself and give my children has absolutely fuck all to do with you.

Why is double barrelling naff?

People ask this a lot. I think in the UK where double-barrelled surnames are heritable, then it seems like a big question. But it is not a big deal really.

In Spain, for example, traditionally children would usually take the first surname of the father and the first surname of the mother - combined to make a new surname.

My own family had lots of double-barrelled branches. Either they just took the full double-barrelled name in the traditional way. E.g. Miss Smith-Jones married Mr Dixon-Robson and become Mrs Dixon-Robson. Or they would choose a combination they liked e.g. Mr and Mrs Smith-Robson or Mr and Mrs Dixon-Jones.

A Friend of my daughter has three kids, the first one has her surname,the second one has the guys surname (different dad). But she then broke up with him and the third child has her name again
So a brother and sister with the same dad have different names.

I imagine that will cause questions at school.

Mine have my husbands name as do i. It is our family name - old fashioned maybe but a choice i made as has pretty much everyone i know. However, if we weren’t married i would have given them my maiden name. My maiden name still “belongs” to a man though as it was my dads surname so 🤷‍♀️

I voted YANBU but I reluctantly gave my DD her father's surname. He was in favour of using my name but he didn't grow up like me having a very long and complicated first name and surname. I didn't want DD to have the same issues I have. He doesn't understand my take on it because his name is easy.

My name would be along the lines of Luisneach Ní Flatharta (mine is worse) and DH's surname is very short and easy. Her first name is unusual so that's enough for her.

I kept my own name when I married so DD and I have different surnames but that doesn't bother me. My name is still a daily pain in the arse. Hopefully when I move back to where I'm from one day that will lessen!