Why are so many kids STILL taking the father's name?

[LefthandRight]

Is this some kind of feminist blind spot? Most kids still get the dads name and I see women saying "it was just easier", "double barrelling was a mouthful", "I don't mind". You even get situations where the mum has not taken the father's name so she has a different name to her kids but "it's no big deal" and it's like... So it's no big deal for the woman but apparently its a huge big deal for the man?

It really makes me angry because I just can't believe women have to go through the effort and intrusiveness/pain of childbirth only to have that ownership "label" whipped off them, it feels unfair

Why? Because you didnt get a chorus of women agreeing with you?

You think you're 100% right and won't allow other women to make their own judgements. You were never going to win this fight. Here's news for you, not everyone thinks like you do, nor should they.

I bet you are the same type of person who insists I should be known as Ms Camembert rather than my preferred Miss Camembert.

Edited for typo

YABU to bother about this non issue. To be honest, it is no wonder that a lot of women don't really identify as feminist, as a lot of feminism seems to consist of going round telling women that they are oppressed, or are oppressing themselves, when they are just making their own choices. PS most women's 'maiden' surnames are their father's, anyway.

But why didn’t everyone take your name instead?

I dunno if I can get behind this tbh. I don’t own my children either.

We decided on DH name as it’s nicer. There’s also no one to continue his family name down where there is on my side.

i didn’t rush to change mine - I waited until my passport expired.

If I had the better surname DH would have been fine to take mine.

to us, we are a team and a family and I like that we all have the same name.

if you wanted everyone to have the same surname, any reason for everyone not to have yours?

My child has his dad's name because I was 22 when I was pregnant (it wasn't planned), and I thought if I gave the baby my name people might assume that my child's father was a deadbeat dad when I was actually in a relationship with him.
The only children I know who had thier mother's surnames had absent fathers so maybe that's why I thought that. I wanted people to know my child's dad was in his life and not assume otherwise because I wasn't married.
We are now engaged, so I will have the same name as my child one day soon and I'm glad I didn't double barrel.

I understand why people double barrel but think it would be problematic in the future if two people with double barrelled surnames met and wanted to have children, as you can't then saddle a child with 4 surnames.

I have my DH’s surname. His was nicer and less common than mine and I don’t feel that my surname was my identity. I like us all having the same surname and double-barrelling sounded awful. He would have happily changed his name to mine if mine was the nicer one or I cared.

Some of it lies with tradition I am certain, but I also know many do it by choice as well. I have known of husbands taking a wife's name - one because he did not like his own name, and another because he was estranged from his parents - and I have know people becoming double barrelled - all for all sorts of reasons. I have however, never known of anyone doing any naming for negative motivations. I tend to think I haven't led a sheltered life, so tend to think you may be looking for something negative, that is actually a rarity rather than the norm.

A school in the 1950s perhaps?
I know lots of families where there are children with different surnames than their mum or their dad, and also where the mum and the dad have different surnames and may or may not share that with any/some/all of the children.

My ex’s surname is nicer than mine. That’s the reason they have his name and not mine.

@MenorcaMarguerite I agree with you, double barrelling seems to incite a lot of faux confusion, but to me it's the most easy solution on paper for a equal/feminist standing?

I mean each to their own but I do find this an interesting debate -its so low stakes and easily fixed in abstract but incites big big feelings irl because it's obviously so personal. Seems like a low hanging feminist 'win' that but little incentive to change.

Oh come on, it’s exceptionally rare that the whole family (including husband) take the woman’s sole name. Double barrelling more common these days, but it’s either that one take the man’s. There is no balance.

Both my kids have my last name as a middle name, and both their first names are family names on my side of the family.

They both have their dads last name, which is not my last name.

They also both look like carbon copies of me so I guess I come out on top, lol.

Cos l got bullied mercilessly for my surname all through school - wouldn't do ot to my dd! Wish my mum had given her surname! Sorry dad and uncle!

Your own surname is not your own it’s patrilineal.

One patrilineal name or another - I don’t see it makes any difference.

I took my DH name because he already had kids with his surname and we have a close bond so it’s more that I didn’t want to be the odd own out.
if I’d already had a kid with my name then I would’ve kept that.
now I’ve had my own kids too and all the kids are close, and we all have the same name.

Im not really bothered how it came about really, I just like that we all share a name.

I know two women who live next door to each other- one is married to ‘John Swift’. ‘John’ got his wife and the woman next door pregnant within a few months of each other. Both women had boys, both women named them ‘John Swift’ after the father.

So two half brothers in the same class at school with identical names but with families who have nothing to do with each other.

Schools have seen it all!

My biggest regret is not using my name.

Will it be so amazing if you divorce due to his infidelity though and he refuses to do his role as dad?

As evinced by the thousands of threads on MN, this happens daily.

Unmarried by choice, and 33 years together. When we had our twins, 19 years ago, we chose their first names together; but using their father's surname was 100% my choice, and my gift. I've never regretted it for a moment, nor do I care if ignorant people make incorrect assumptions about me because of it.

Not if you change it to one you choose.

To be fair, would you call a man who wanted to give the kids his surname as opposed to their mother's a "woman hater" 🤔. Don't see how it's "anti man" to bring it up.

Well, shouldn’t it be about choice? Not about imposing a set of ideas on women and telling them how to think.