Why are so many kids STILL taking the father's name?

[LefthandRight]

Is this some kind of feminist blind spot? Most kids still get the dads name and I see women saying "it was just easier", "double barrelling was a mouthful", "I don't mind". You even get situations where the mum has not taken the father's name so she has a different name to her kids but "it's no big deal" and it's like... So it's no big deal for the woman but apparently its a huge big deal for the man?

It really makes me angry because I just can't believe women have to go through the effort and intrusiveness/pain of childbirth only to have that ownership "label" whipped off them, it feels unfair

My husband is very traditional (when it suits him) and wanted our daughter to have his name. I didn’t feel strongly either way so I gave in. I just didn’t want to double barrel, as my unmarried name is too long as it is, and I had the final say over her first name.

I don’t really consider myself Mrs Hisname though, I still use my unmarried name a lot, especially for work.

Hell will freeze over before my daughter gives her future children their father's name instead of her own.

Seems to be the thinking in her friendship group too thankfully.

Its slow but its changing.

As much as I would like to see my own daughter retain her own name and her kids etc, that decision is nothing to do with you. And if you have brought up an independent woman with strength of mind she would tell you where to go.

Such a pathetic thread really
All you are discussing is ownership and labelling of a child
Why bother with sunames at all if they tax the intellectual arguement of feminists so much?
Assign then a letter or a number instead ofca surname.

Interesting post, thank you

Because when I married my husband it wasn't about him owning me but about us becoming one unit. I wanted to change my name to his because I wanted to not because he forcefully made me do it, I wanted our children to take his name because we are a family unit and belong to each other not just to him and so it makes sense to all have the same surname. Just as the reason I stay home and tend to the house and children, and make his packed lunch everyday (God forbid I should do such a terrible thing!!!) is because it's something I have always wanted to do, he has no forceful hand in that we have our own way which works for us and keeps us both content. You think women taking a mans name and passing it on to the children you share is bollocks, you probably think everything else i do is also but ....I think feminism is bollocks....if you don't think I should be allowed to hold that opinion then guess what...you're not a feminist.

DH and I both double barrelled when we got married, DS has the same double surname. Get a lot of negativity about double barrelling on MN but if I want my child to have my name I understand why he does too, so when we got married we combined so we had the same family name prior to children.

You've misinterpreted.

This is her opinion. I clearly said her friends share it.

Feminism is bollocks?

So women not allowed to own a home is ok?

Not allowed to vote is ok?

Rape within marriage perfectly acceptable?

Wow.

Well said. I get really irate at the fact that in the name of feminism we are not allowed to chose what we want to do. I took my husband's name like you to be a family unit with one identity. My husband certainly does not own me and wouldn't want to. We are a team with a team name. I have been told I should have kept my own name but actually that was my father's name , so again not mine alone, are feminists saying we can be have our father's name but not our husbands. It is all bonkers. I thought feminism was about giving women choice

Of course these things are not acceptable, but there is a middle line which women who wish to follow are called out for. Why should a woman not stay at home and bring up the kids if she wants to , or be a stay at home housewife .or change her name. Women's fight for equal rights is a valid one and hard fought . Many women now instead of being controlled by men gave being controlled by the expectations of women. Neither are right ,just or fair. Equality is what women fought for not the complete erosion of men

I thought feminism was about giving women choice

It is. It’s about making every opportunity that’s open to men also open to women so they have the same degree of choice. Unfortunately there’s a tendency in the current iteration of feminism to be dictatorial and decree that certain choices aren’t feminist. As a second wave feminist, I certainly didn’t put time and energy into expanding women’s opportunities and rights only to be dictated to by a matriarchy instead of a patriarchy. Dictatorship isn’t more palatable because it’s got a vagina.

You've gone from an OP that suggested it's unfair that 90% of kids have their fathers name, to saying "Dictatorship isn’t more palatable because it’s got a vagina"

So you think feminism is "being allowed to hold an opinion " but as you think feminism is bollocks you obviously don't think you should be allowed to hold an opinion.🤔

I hate my surname so no way was my daughter taking my name. It was the source of much bullying for me and my sister in school.
I kept my name after we had our civil partnership as we did it with telling people and I need my name professionally

Discussions move on and broaden @LefthandRight. It was you who started telling us what feminism is leading to a discussion in which other posters were able to express different views.

What do you think women do because of the expectations of other women? Do you think more would change their name on marriage or if unmarried give their children their father's surname if they weren't controlled by women? Also,how exactly are men being completed eroded ?

But these are all rights and protections that feminism achieved. You ( not you personally) can't sneer at hard won rights that you enjoy every day. People died for those rights.

Can you even imagine a gay person saying gay marriage is bollocks for example? It's ludicrous.

So saying feminism is bollocks is frankly bollocks itself.

Ah, I did misread that!

If you think feminism is bollocks then you’re not a feminist. End of.

And we’re back to the solid tight little unit. Any reason why your family unit couldn’t have had your surname? What special unit-giving powers does your husband’s surname have?

Of course choices aren't always feminist. Why would they be? Feminism is about equality not choices. Someone is not a feminist just because they have made a choice. Some choices might improve equality, some will have no impact but others might actually make things less equal.

Yes they are and whilst I don't agree feminism is bollocks because the rise in womens rights changed so many things which allows women to save an opinion and express it. I do think that a certain per centage are taking it too far in a bid to eradicate men's rights . There are still things that women need and for that the fight goes on. But attempting to take away a parents option to choose which name their children have is in my opinion not one of them.

Thank you for proving my point so eloquently.

To all the women changing their names to their husbands and giving that name to their children a question please.
If this custom didn't exist and married people just kept their own birth name with children taking both parents names. Would you insist on taking your husband's name and binning your own name? What would you think of a man who wanted you to stop using your name and start using his?
Hypothetical, but I think it's worth thinking about if a custom didn't exist, would we still do it.

Married nearly 30 years, three kids. I kept my name, he kept his (much nicer name) kids double barrelled. I think we're a tight little unit while keeping our own names and have seen many name changes divorce (and remarry, changing name again, and divorce again) over the last 30 years