Why are so many kids STILL taking the father's name?

[LefthandRight]

Is this some kind of feminist blind spot? Most kids still get the dads name and I see women saying "it was just easier", "double barrelling was a mouthful", "I don't mind". You even get situations where the mum has not taken the father's name so she has a different name to her kids but "it's no big deal" and it's like... So it's no big deal for the woman but apparently its a huge big deal for the man?

It really makes me angry because I just can't believe women have to go through the effort and intrusiveness/pain of childbirth only to have that ownership "label" whipped off them, it feels unfair

I think it’s a shame if women have to erase their own identity to force a man to parent his own children.

Don't feel my identity has been erased tbh

@LefthandRight Why won't you answer this question?

Because its a boring question

What’s OP saying then? Should women pluck a name out of thin air to avoid it having ever belonged to a man?

@Nonamesleft1 literally has a tough time finding women who have taken their husband’s name when doing family research.

Whilst the men are easy to find.

I’d say that’s those women’s identity being erased.

Do you really think 95% of mothers have made a choice to give baby the dad’s name without any societal pressure?

I don't think the OP has suggested this, rather is questioning the near wholesale taking on the father's surname.

@LefthandRight I have read the whole thread thanks.

I gave my reasons why. No it wasn't a "feminist blind spot". It was protection from xenophobia vs feminist principles. Emotionally it was a no brainer even if intellectually I struggled somewhat with it.I also don't bother explaining them every time so "his name sounded better" gets used more often than not.So yeah I'm one of those.

*literally has a tough time finding women who have taken their husband’s name when doing family research.

Whilst the men are easy to find.

I’d say that their identity being erased.*

And I said " I don't feel my identity has been erased."

Yes women who didn't have many choices.

I honestly don’t see the difference between the two. Both are names given to women on behalf of men, and both have ownership connotations

Whose bad behaviour? Not my DH's - he's committed to his kids.

Not sure anything has changed. As @echt says, the taking of dad’s name is near wholesale.

And women being erased from family history records by dint of being unfindable is more erasure.

@novhange the 95% keeps being repeated. Is that the research based on babies of heterosexual married couples rather than 95% of all babies?

I don't know what "both" you're referring to.

To be sure surnames, at least in most Western countries will be attached to men, but you have to start somewhere.

I kept my surname after marriage and DD took my surname. My surname is nicer, easier to spell and pronounce, and to be quite honest, I do the lion's share of the domestic and childcare (alongside a full time job before anyone starts). It caused it a bit of upset from DH's family as he is the only boy so the surname ends with him now but we are happy with our decision.

And women being erased from family history records by dint of being unfindable is more erasure.

Erm I don't think people have ever been more publically visible ( because of SM ) and that includes women.

Historical records are by their nature limited.

Not sure how changing names within generations make anyone more visible to future genealogists anyway.

Being named after your husband (by taking on his surname), versus being named after your father (by, unless you’re in a tiny minority, sticking with your maiden name)

If you have to “start somewhere” - where do you start? How is doing either of the above a progressive starting point?

Children are not property.

Is there a reason your dh didn’t take your name?

interesting that women change names for the sake of the “family unit”, yet it seems to be the norm for men not to.

That 20th century philosophy got you most of the rights you currently enjoy. A little respect wouldn’t go amiss.

We keep hearing it's because "it was important to" the men, but nobody is explaining why it was important to them.

No shit. 20th century feminism was about getting us choice and we should be thankful for that. The 21st century should build on it.

We keep hearing it's because "it was important to" the men, but nobody is explaining why it was important to them.

I think I tried to.

You telling us what we “should” do is the opposite of choice. Feminism didn’t make you God.

He was going to but when it comes down to it, I think he was embarrassed by what his friends and family would think. There is definitely still a stigma around it. It's also harder for men, they have to go through deed poll first whereas women can just use a marriage certificate.