Why are so many kids STILL taking the father's name?

[LefthandRight]

Is this some kind of feminist blind spot? Most kids still get the dads name and I see women saying "it was just easier", "double barrelling was a mouthful", "I don't mind". You even get situations where the mum has not taken the father's name so she has a different name to her kids but "it's no big deal" and it's like... So it's no big deal for the woman but apparently its a huge big deal for the man?

It really makes me angry because I just can't believe women have to go through the effort and intrusiveness/pain of childbirth only to have that ownership "label" whipped off them, it feels unfair

OP is angry at the default, masculine convention.

She’s not sneering at women. Look at the rest of my post on the patrilineal conventions. It’s enough to make anyone angry.

My DC had my surname after birth. A few years later when I married their DF I changed all our names to his surname.

I was not pressured into doing it. If that was the case I would have given them his name from birth. It was something I CHOSE to do.

if you don’t get that then it says more about you than me

I've read the OP's posts carefully. She has not sneered anywhere.

Why are you quoting a comment that was for a specific PP about her specific situation?

Ludovik

Became it was important to my husband and I didn't care one way or another. My daughter will be who she will be irrelevant of what her name is.

I’m not sure what ‘sneered’ means to you, but she absolutely has on this thread.

But you literally did do all the work. Why do you think labour is called labour?

I know why labour is called labour 👍🏻 cheers.

But I don't see the name as a reward or prize tbh.

Maybe I would if it wasn't available or up for grabs as it was for me.

It certainly wasn't "whipped " away.

I've read the OP's posts carefully. She has not sneered anywhere.m

lDon't be daft. Do you want them listed.

becausr you don’t seem to think she could make an informed choice.

people can make informed choices.

maybe you should just pull up your judgy pants and leave the poster alone

I have 2 surnames from birth. When I had my children their father and I decided to give them 2 as well, one from me, and his. I tell my kids that they are welcome to drop one for ease but they haven't done so yet and I think they like having both (as I do for my own surname).

If I'm completely honest with myself, their father has the 'nicer' name, so I doubt mine will last down the generations but I'm happy with the choice we made. I think it's the 'fairest' way to be honest.

I mean that conversation was done and dusted about 20 pages ago

My thoughts exactly.

Well, seeing as you're the one saying it's so, the onus is on you. Can't prove a negative.

I have the same name as my daughter, as I took my husband's name on our wedding day. Was important to him, but I don't really care to be honest.

Also can we PLEASE think of the future genealogists. 😀😀 I have no idea how they are going to do family history research with people doing all sorts with their surnames. Bloody nightmare!

I’ve been doing some family research recently.

what is an utter pita is women changing their names. I can track the male lines easily enough, But matching up a female’s birth and death certs is a nightmare, it’s not always easy to find marriage certs without birth names. If they’d kept their own names it would be so much easier.

kids it doesn’t matter so much. As long as names at birth and death are the same, it doesn’t matter which parent they’re named for.

my great grandfathers brothers were easy, his sisters I’ve lost as I have their birth certs, but without their married names I lose them.

Another reason for women to keep their names 😊

Perhaps it's passed you by, OP, but men tend to find it a little harder to maintain their commitments to their offspring than women do.

As a feminist, I've taken note and done everything I possibly can to nurture the bond between DH and our children. That includes giving them his name.

I had c-sections. Didn’t experience labour.

does that mean I don’t get to have a say in naming my child?

is it only those who have done the work get the reward?

Yes, because it’s sooooooo much more pro-feminist to be named after your father…

So rewarding bad behaviour then.

The poor dears. More wife work.

You think having a C section is easier than labour?

lYes, because it’s sooooooo much more pro-feminist to be named after your father…

Who said that? no one

I think it’s a shame if women have to erase their own identity to force a man to parent his own children.

Think she’s referring to this:

As a feminist, I've taken note and done everything I possibly can to nurture the bond between DH and our children. That includes giving them his name.