Why are so many kids STILL taking the father's name?

[LefthandRight]

Is this some kind of feminist blind spot? Most kids still get the dads name and I see women saying "it was just easier", "double barrelling was a mouthful", "I don't mind". You even get situations where the mum has not taken the father's name so she has a different name to her kids but "it's no big deal" and it's like... So it's no big deal for the woman but apparently its a huge big deal for the man?

It really makes me angry because I just can't believe women have to go through the effort and intrusiveness/pain of childbirth only to have that ownership "label" whipped off them, it feels unfair

That’s great for you but women are still socialised to be this way, regardless of their age.

And a can a family unit not have the woman’s name?

Exactly

My god when will feminists stop moaning .
I like my sexy hubby's name.
I also like waxing my legs and wearing false eyelashes.
Cast me to the fires of hell oh dear lord !

No they are not. .
Maybe in the circle you live in?
Certainly not in mine. Or my children's. Or their friends. Or their schools. Or university's. Or their friends university's. Or their workplaces. No where.

I thought that too. If they think all names belong to men then it’s inevitable they think they need to swap their’s for their husband’s.

Yes, they are. Look outwith your own narrow view.

No her name. It's hers as much as his.

If you double barrel what happens with the next generation?

When I had mine noone thought anything about giving the father's name, if you gave them the mother's name it meant the parents were not married.

The surname you have has no impact on which family you are part of. You are still the daughter of your father and the family of your partner (if married).

Not sure why you’re laughing like a hyena but crack on.

Ah bless. That all you got?
Resorting to rediculous insults?
How very broadminded of you.

Yes because ‘hahahaha omg’ is the height of debate.

You just keep bleating ‘no they’re not’ like a robot.

Exactly.

My surname was already double barrelled so should I have triple barrelled it to please the feminists and said sod it to my kids who would have had to write it?

Agreed.

It matters not where a name came from. What matters is that her name is exactly that - her name.

It staggers me that a few people can't get their head round this. By their same logic they haven't taken their husband's name....they've taken their father in laws lol.

@PartOfTheFurniture12 👏👏👏👏 hear, hear! I couldn't have put it better myself.
These people who are offended by absolutely everything🙄 it's so, so tedious. I'm another one who doesn't view "ownership" of my children by their surname. I don't "own" them just because I gave birth to them. My dh played at active part at conception, was a tower of strength at the birth & throughout their lives. Why shouldn't he have some recognition of "ownership" too.

Unpopular on MN but I just hate double barrelled names, to my ear they sound ridiculous. There’s no way I’d give them to my kids, each to their own of course. BUT I do agree with all you have said about the continuing convention of the man’s name being handed down, and its horrible legacy.

I am a guilty feminist in that respect, I took DHs name and gave it to my kids. The main reason being I wanted us to all have the same name. I would probably values-wise been happiest with us all taking my name, but he is from another country and the only male in his family passing the name, so this would be a hard thing for his mother as well as him. He’d never insist on me or the kids having his name, but didn’t want to lose his, which I think is fine. To me having all the same name as a family was more important than giving up my name. Plus my children’s dual heritage is so important to them and they love that their name is from that country.

I think it’s a complicated issue where people do have to make the choices that work for them. I would never pretend though that it’s not rooted in grim patriarchal tradition, it just happened to suit our wishes.

Well it's not difficult you just choose whichever name you want

My kids took their dad's name, because we knew we would get married and I wanted to take his name (we are now married). I spent my whole life having to spell out my surname as it is unusual, and people so often got it wrong. I much prefer my short signature now and I like that the 5 of us all have the same, easy surname.

There are feminists posting on here who need to reflect on how they are speaking to women who do not entirely share their views.
Feminism is about choice and empowerment of choice for women. If they make a choice and you don’t agree with it, that doesn’t make them any less of a feminist.
Do we keep double-barrelling surnames until your great-great-great grandchildren’s names are too long to fit on a form? Are we going to ignore that some people choose to double-barrel simply because it sounds ‘posh’! The fact is, whether I agree with it or not, it represents choice.

Whether assuming a man’s surname began as a result of a patriarchal society, it doesn’t matter - for many it is about simplicity, creating a new family unit. I was keen to leave my family name behind and I don’t wish my children to have a double-barrel surname. Again, choice.
As an actual feminist, I fully respect another woman’s right to make the same or different choice.

The OP hasn’t even referred to herself as a feminist, it’s you that sounds a bit ridiculous referring to yourself as ‘an actual feminist’. How pompous can you get?!

Also, interesting that you felt you didn’t think you could create a ‘new family unit’ with your own surname.

I think as well someone purposefully not taking on their husbands name to fight the system is just as sad as someone who feels like there is no alternative to the status quo and takes their name when they don't want to. Agree with the logical and fair PPs who have highlighted that whilst we are all influenced by societal pressures and expectations, women who can choose what they do and choose differently to themselves should also be respected.

Feminism is about equality of the sexes, rather than the choice to support a patriachial tradition .

Hmmm.. my DC has my DH's surname. I'm in a mixed race marriage and I was worried that my very Asian surname would make life harder for my DC. This is based on the discrimination I have faced with my very Asian first name and surname, so for me it was really to give my DC the best opportunities with my DH's very English surname.

@novhange this is true. It's no skin off my nose what individual women choose to call themselves. Provided they don't constantly inform me my name is not my own, bestow a 'maiden' (ugh) name upon me, or assert that my father is the rightful owner of my own name, I couldn't care less. Likewise, the fact that I've retained my own identity and do not use a 'Mrs' title does not emasulate my husband, render me 'disrespectful', or make me any less a devoted wife. All three accusations have been levelled at me at various stages of my marriage.

Names may start out as a patriarchal names - that's unfortunately the system we are lumbered with - but once a woman has decided not to relinquish that name, it's no longer 'patriarchal'. It belongs to her.

You are absolutely right: the issue here isn't individual decisions. It's the conditions under which those decisions are made in the first place that are worthy of unpicking. And on some of these threads on MN - the ones in which at least some posters don't descend into bunfights - the site often does this fairly well.