Why are so many kids STILL taking the father's name?

[LefthandRight]

Is this some kind of feminist blind spot? Most kids still get the dads name and I see women saying "it was just easier", "double barrelling was a mouthful", "I don't mind". You even get situations where the mum has not taken the father's name so she has a different name to her kids but "it's no big deal" and it's like... So it's no big deal for the woman but apparently its a huge big deal for the man?

It really makes me angry because I just can't believe women have to go through the effort and intrusiveness/pain of childbirth only to have that ownership "label" whipped off them, it feels unfair

Bleating?
Seriously. Sit down. You are just embarrassing yourself now.
I know for a fact that none of the young women that I know think the way you have ignorantly labelled them.
Its really not my fault you haven't a clue what you are talking about. Go educate yourself.

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WOW!

You must have missed all the posts on here by women discussing their childbirth injuries. A minority are left with long-term disabilities.

And there are countless threads about men who don’t take on their fair share of housework, childcare, or the mental load, even if their wives work full-time. The UK still hasn’t reached equality in that respect.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-66866879.amp

I’ll ignore your insults because you aren’t capable of reasonable debate. Women do face different societal pressures. Just because you don’t want to admit it it doesn’t make it less true. Here are some results from an American study:

seven-in-ten or more say women face a lot of pressure to be an involved parent (77%) and be physically attractive (71%). Far fewer say men face these types of pressures, and this is particularly the case when it comes to feeling pressure to be physically attractive: Only 27% say men face a lot of pressure in this regard.

Why are they sad to deliberately go against a patriarchal tradition? The more people that do that the more other women come under less pressure to change their name. It's the only way things change. While I didn't keep my surname to go against any system, I'm glad I didn’t change because in retrospect it seems like a pretty stupid and pointless thing to do. I came under a fair amount of criticism for not changing it at the time and also some people still seem unable to address things to my surname rather than DH’s 25 years later which shouldn't happen.

Thanks @SerafinasGoose . I agree with a lot of what you say.

You are the one insulting.
You are the one cannot deal with the fact that I obviously encounter much more educated and broadminded young women than you do.
I've no interest in debating with you, I don't usually engage with people who are so ignorant they resort to rediculous insults.
And an American study? Are you that easily led?

Our DCs have their dad’s surname. It was my idea and it’s not for anyone else to have an opinion on it. Surely that’s the point of feminism.

That is not what I said.

You said it makes more sense to give the kids the woman's name. I'm asking why it makes more sense to do this when the child has two parents.

Well you think it is I don’t. My surname is my father’s, grandfathers, great grandfather’s etc name - it doesn’t have anything to do with me personally and I had no choice in the matter.

Arguably if you married at 25 and lived until 85, you have much more history with the married than unmarried name.

Choosing one man’s name over another doesn’t make any material difference.

That’s absurd, Mira. At the point you marry you have a much longer history with your birth name.

And you could be married and divorced within a year. Half of marriages end in divorce.

No it isn't inferior to 'take a new name'. I wasn't suggesting that it was.

This thread is so weird to read. We’re basically the first generation of women who have been able to make a choice about this without serious social consequences for ourselves and any children. So of course there are still pressures, and of course we should be able to think about it through that lens, rather than just accepting that every individual explanation makes sense of the fact this is the norm. Quite interesting that opposite reasons are given even in this thread, eg a woman’s name is rejected in favour of her husband’s to not disadvantage children with a non-anglophone surname, but also another woman ‘s family all take the man’s surname to preserve his ethnic heritage. And a woman’s name is dropped as it’s hard to spell but a man’s name is used because it’s unusual and interesting. It does affect us all when there’s a societal norm, so it’s a good thing to talk about, shame that it triggers such defensive hostility to do so. I don’t understand why people can’t just own their compromises and hypocrisies, we all have them. If I wear make up or eat dairy I don’t get angry if someone raises a debate about societal pressures on women to wear make up, or the abuse of animals in farming. Life is complicated and I make compromises but I want people to keep raising important questions otherwise we just stall as a society.

It’s still not your name it’s your father’s! The point at which you marry you have a longer history with your father’s name, but the point at which die you may not - who’s to say which will be longer.

Whichever choice you make, opting for your father’s name over your DH’s cannot be held to be an act of feminism - these are patriarchal, patrilineal names and the only way out is to choose your own and pass it matrilineally.

It really makes me angry

It really makes you angry that women have a choice but then choose differently to you?

Ok 🙄

Because they're still doing something for reasons other than they want to. True choice would be the best outcome, no? If women want to keep their name then brilliant! I mean those who don't want to but feel like they should to prove a point, that's just a different side of the coin.

It is her name, Mira.

Why assume they are all patriarchal and patrilineal names?

Do you think women haven’t had an influence on names?

It's sad to make a stand on an issue that you believe affects your sex and that you may feel passionately about?

It's a good job those pesky civil rights campaigners didn't share your view otherwise you wouldn't have reaped the benefits you've no doubt enjoyed throughout your life.

It's her name.

Why is this so difficult to understand?

Is it internalised misogyny do you think?

For the life of me I can't understand why some people can't seem to grasp the simple fact that women have their own names.

Her surname is her father’s name. I’m not assuming that surnames are patrilineal - it’s a fact.

Not sure what you mean by women having influence on names - first name - sure; surnames are patrilineal. So women can choose which man’s surname they keep, but unless they change their surname by deed poll it comes from a male relative.

opting for your father’s name over your DH’s

If your name is your father's then DH's name is his father's. So by changing name, you are opting for your FILs name over your own dad's.

Same here, I preferred his last name. Much nicer sounding and more unique. Otherwise would have been a different choice.