Why are so many kids STILL taking the father's name?

[LefthandRight]

Is this some kind of feminist blind spot? Most kids still get the dads name and I see women saying "it was just easier", "double barrelling was a mouthful", "I don't mind". You even get situations where the mum has not taken the father's name so she has a different name to her kids but "it's no big deal" and it's like... So it's no big deal for the woman but apparently its a huge big deal for the man?

It really makes me angry because I just can't believe women have to go through the effort and intrusiveness/pain of childbirth only to have that ownership "label" whipped off them, it feels unfair

In fairness to the OPs argument you did choose based on expectation from society and the desire to fit in though. And it’s a real shame that you felt you had to give your kids an English name to give them an easier time here, no human should have to choose on that basis.

Because some of us don't attach meaning to it in the same way you do 🤷‍♀️

My DD12 has her fathers surname, why does it matter?

I know she's my daughter. She knows I'm her mum. Why should I give a shit what anyone else thinks about it?

I kept my original surname at work but took my husbands socially. So I was Miss X at work and MrsY outside. Why? Because at work I already had started a career and it was easy, outside work we were a family and it was also the easy option. Double barrelling might have worked but seemed a bit odd. What happens when the kids get married do their children become Miss X-Y-A-B?

Tea, I said ‘It’s strange how you only disliked your own name enough to want to change it at the point you married your husband.’ You twisted that into ‘you told me that you should have changed your name by deed poll even if you didn’t want to’.

Can you at least acknowledge that?

That’s annoying! Looking at the Spanish example though, they do paternal surname then maternal surname and people usually go by paternal one when just using one so I think the registrar lady was right to say the first one is usually the main one! But interesting that that is not how it works in practice (and frustrating for you!).

Agreed. And the ‘he let me choose’ is very telling.

Not in the UK it’s not which sadly I’ve learned the hard way.

Are the two surnames hyphenated? That should help.

Probably, if that was the done thing. It's not though. We didn't think of it.

Goodness, I missed this gem. The patriarchy is alive and well.

‘The done thing’ = societal pressure.

My surname was my father's name and I hated him. My Christian name/ surname combination was also a very similar name to someone famous and I had been teased all my life over it. I was delighted to take my husband's name.
I hate doubled barelled names and I hate people using a surname as a middle name.

It's easier not to change your name at all tbh. There is no confusion then and you don't need all the same surname "to be a family"

Nope, still being pointlessly obtuse. Funny how posters do that when their argument isn’t holding up. You no exactly the tone of the debate at that point and the implications being made. Have a nice day.

only to have that ownership "label" whipped off them

Weird way to look at it.

Me and DH have the same surname (his) because I despise mine- people teased me all throughout school for it and so had no desire to pass it on and happily ridded myself of it as soon as I could. DS has my mum's maiden name as one of his middle names though as its beautiful and a nice way to continue on the name.

Yes agree in an ideal world. But not all of use live in very diverse parts of England and I had a lifetime of people laughing at my surname, mispronouncing it, not being able to spell it (despite me spelling it), etc. so yes I just wanted for my kids to have a different experience and to fit in (they are English after all too).

Maybe. Or just an appreciation of traditions and history.

There is no need to grammatically investigate this. It’s unnecessary when you know it’s highly likely her wording simply means that her husband opted out of the decision.

This I do agree with, the DH new exactly what ‘decision’ the poster would make here, it wasn’t a choice.

Second this. If I could take a pill to forget my chikdhood, I would. I can’t so taking on the name of a family who have loved me more than my own, is the best thing.

Explaining reasoning isn't 'getting angry and defensive' though.

Exactly. Thanks.
are some people just here to misconstrue everything? My DH didn’t mind/care which surname the kids have, and therefore yes he let me choose. Seriously!

that ownership "label"

That's a really warped way of looking at a name.

I wasn’t having a go at your decision making, I was saying it’s a shame that society is this way, laughing at none English surnames is horrible and nobody should have to experience it.

No he didn’t. It was completely my choice. I don’t care if you believe that or not, I am married to a feminist.

and it’s “knew”