Why are so many kids STILL taking the father's name?

[LefthandRight]

Is this some kind of feminist blind spot? Most kids still get the dads name and I see women saying "it was just easier", "double barrelling was a mouthful", "I don't mind". You even get situations where the mum has not taken the father's name so she has a different name to her kids but "it's no big deal" and it's like... So it's no big deal for the woman but apparently its a huge big deal for the man?

It really makes me angry because I just can't believe women have to go through the effort and intrusiveness/pain of childbirth only to have that ownership "label" whipped off them, it feels unfair

My pregnant colleague was telling me about her baby name shortlist, and I asked what surname the baby would be having (she and her DP aren’t married). She said, “his name. Got to really.”

I just don’t understand that mindset. The legal default would be for the baby to take her surname. I didn’t tell her that, though.

And I know this is has to be a coincidence, but several women I know have got married in the last few years and changed their nice, distinctive surnames to their husbands’ far less memorable ones. Think along the lines of Miss Hollingdale, Miss Jewell, Miss Ballantine and Miss London becoming Mrs Smith, Mrs Jones, Mrs Davies and Mrs Williams. I can only think if one recent name change which went the other way.

I am the subject of your op. I had two children, they have DH name. I go by my maiden name.

What a fool I am 🤔

Regarding names, I suspect people make a decision based on their own wishes and circumstances rather than worrying what the impact on 'society' might possibly be.

Anyway, there was no way in heck OP was not going to come back to this thread, as has been proved.

Oh and it makes me furious when married women have AWFUL surnames and you just know she gave up a perfectly ordinary surname to become Mrs Crankshaw or something.

You always disliked it but didn’t proactively do anything about it. You waited for marriage.

I’m not saying you did anything wrong, I’m saying you took actions to fit in with society, and that’s a form of pressure, however oblique.

Have you actually read and understood any of the thread? Or have you just seen that your argument doesn’t hold up and so are making stupid comments for the sake of it now? Grow up.

I love my husband. I was glad to take his name as my own and for our children to have it.

I love that you no me, my life choices and my own brain better than I do, it’s great, you are so smart. 👏👏

Yes, I’ve read and understood the thread, unlike you, which is why I can say OP has not any point said you should give your baby your name.

Get a grip.

This. Not everyone dresses up hatred toward men as feminism.

@StolenCookie totally agree! I understand when someone’s maiden name is Bacon and they’ve changed to be Mrs Darling or something but why take on an objectively worse surname 😂

Somalian children always take their mothers names but I wouldnt label them as typical feminist on the whole. Its just cultural no biggy. What makes me fed up is when the father chooses the first name. I work in the area and it happens all the time accross all cultures. Oh but its dads name and grandads name etc etc.

So what should I have done then when I got married and had children?

In what way is questioning a lack of women's surnames being given to children synonymous with hating men?

I really don’t know you from Adam (or should that be Amanda), you’re taking all this way too personally, it’s just a debate. Unclench.

Sarcasm isn’t me crying into my cereal, calm down. I can debate and be sarcastic at the same time.

So what do you think a woman should do when she has a baby? And why?

You couldgo to restigry office and register them with whatever name you choose. That's one thing the mothers do have advantage over.

The point is that women, on the whole, are all too ready to give up their names. Men, curiously, rarely want to. There is a sort of pride and importance in continuing a name and it’s a privilege men routinely exercise and women routinely sacrifice. All the individual women on this thread yelling about hating their name or making a choice - you surely see that this ‘choice’ has been made in a cultural context in which women are expected, coerced or implicitly encouraged to give up a name they have had their whole life and absorb themselves into a man’s family. Is it really a choice when men almost never make it? Why don’t men jump at the opportunity to give up long hated names and take on the nicer surnames of their female partners? It’s emasculating for them, which means it IS about ownership and dominance on some level, and women as usual are happy to be subservient and then convince themselves they’ve made a free choice.

That’s up to you. I’m saying people need to consider whether the decision to give the baby the dad’s name is always a proactive choice or a desire to fall in line with society’s expectations.

It’s an important point as many women upthread have regretted giving baby the dad’s name.

We both changed our surnames so our kids have a surname we chose for our family

Oh and it makes me furious when married women have AWFUL surnames and you just know she gave up a perfectly ordinary surname to become Mrs Crankshaw or something

"Makes you furious" 🙄 when other women exercise their choice.which they should be fully entitled to do.
Other women getting furious at others for having a different opinion to you is what I find pretty pathetic and not much better than men if they were getting furious at a woman making their own choice.

I love my husband too, but I don't like his surname and didn't take it. Society often labels me Mrs. Hisname and I have to correct them that it's actually Ms.Myname.

I assume your DH loves you too . Would he have not wanted your surname for himself and your DC’s?

So why are you arguing that I didn’t make a choice? And suggesting I should have changed my name by deed pole even if I didn’t want to?