Why are so many kids STILL taking the father's name?

[LefthandRight]

Is this some kind of feminist blind spot? Most kids still get the dads name and I see women saying "it was just easier", "double barrelling was a mouthful", "I don't mind". You even get situations where the mum has not taken the father's name so she has a different name to her kids but "it's no big deal" and it's like... So it's no big deal for the woman but apparently its a huge big deal for the man?

It really makes me angry because I just can't believe women have to go through the effort and intrusiveness/pain of childbirth only to have that ownership "label" whipped off them, it feels unfair

Yeah I didn’t feel like that either. It was MY choice. But aparently giving in to society pressure is stupid, but giving into feminist pressure that’s not about choice, is the correct thing to do. So it’s just pressure from a different part of society, ridiculous. Now women must feel pressured to give their children their own surname because it’s ‘liberating’, so women still don’t get choice just expectation. This thread is so tedious.

The tradition and partriarchal expectation is so strong that people, including in this thread, are automatically assuming that a child with the mother’s name (incl hyphenated) is not married, or has separated / divorced!

Because it is still such a leap to think that within marriage a woman can retain her name and pass it on to her kids!

Congratulations, now you belong to your grandfather, or the next man above you in the queue, or if you chose a completely random name you belong to some other man who chose it forever ago lmao

If you see it as weak you're weak enough to feel owned by a name

It’s interesting that people are so defensive and can’t just say they took their husband’s name because it’s the norm and they want to fit in.

Exactly, there is no reasonable argument whatsoever.

Can I ask why it is that men often object to taking their wife’s name?

That’s not the only issue here though - the other issue is women saying that you SHOULD give your children your name because it’s liberating, regardless of what you want. Like we aren’t allowed to not like our own surname and take DHs instead, and why not? I can like what I like, and thankfully I have the freedom to choose. Neither a man, not a ‘feminist’ can make me decide.

Create your own surname then. Change your name to Tresales if you like.

Not defensive, just bored. I’m off to make my husband a cup of tea and fetch his slippers for him …

Nice get out clause. Some of us will have made that choice without pressure, and be perfectly happy with it, yet we’re invariably told that we’re actually victims of ‘the patriarchy’ and aren’t really capable to making a choice.

Female agency is only a thing when it’s the ‘right’ choice being made apparently, even if that’s the choice that’s been made under pressure.

But you didn't exercise your freedom to choose your own name by deed poll?

Westernesse · Today 10:45

LefthandRight · Today 10:44

I knew it wouldn't be long until we got the "feminism is about choice" bollocks
**
I think if you disagree with the concept that feminism is about choice then you are the one who requires to do some introspection”

This.

No one has you you SHOULD give your child your name though.

We’re just challenging the default assumption that babies get the man’s name.

We double barrelled as we are not married. Still think it's the right choice for us.

I completely agree OP. It’s tragic that women sacrifice their bodies (and let’s face it - usually their identity to motherhood also) and yet the children so often take the father’s surname. Until it stops being a cultural norm, we’re not really equal in society.

(We went with double barrelling)

Such a good point.

Why would I change it be deed pole when I was getting married and wanted to take my DHs surname? If I wanted to do that I would have done. So I did exercise my choice - I chose not to do it. I don’t think you actually understand what choice is.

It’s exactly what the OP is saying, keep up.

It’s strange how you only disliked your own name enough to want to change it at the point you married your husband.

Nonsense. Belonging, aspiration, preference? DS has db his with partner. Good on em.

Learn some manners.

Nowhere has OP said you should give your child your name.

Keep up.

We’re coming up to a time soon where regularly two people with double barrrelled surnames will procreate, what will they do with their kids?
Interestingly most of the male gay couples I know in real life or internet groups double barrel their names, neither gives it up or takes on the others name. One couple did make a new single name out of their two surnames, one syllable from each and I thought that was a lovely way.

DH and I agree that if we married now I wouldn’t take his name or we would pick an entirely new name to start our family with.

No I always disliked it, you can twist it how you want. Can’t say I thought of another name I’d like to switch it to, but DH had a different surname so I took that. By choice, because I wanted to. So what is wrong with that?

If you belong to someone, you’re owned by them.