To think they are ‘𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘩’

[HansBanan]

Okay, I know it's subjective but I'm some what bored of my in-laws down playing this.
My SIL is 28, well educated, 2 children, lives in London. She's married, husband is about 40, a little older maybe, a high earner (250k ish - chief investment officer for a wealth management company).
They are mortgage free, in a large beautiful house (I'm not sure of the logistics of how this is the case but know they are). 1 car, owned outright. They have credit cards but I'm sure they pay them off monthly and mainly use them for the benefits and rewards.
Their children are young so not school age yet, but it's very clearly they sill be privately educated. I'm not sure how much the bonus her husband receives would be but let's assume it's anywhere between 25k - 125k depending on the firm.
They holiday several times a year, almost always business class.

AIBU to think that is ‘𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘩’? My in-laws are all insisting that in London this is just comfortable but I don't buy it! Especially not with their mortgage free home!
I know it's not my business but it irks me

Short answer, yes, they are rich. But it's all relative isn't it? I know a couple in a very similar position and they don't think they are rich, because they look at the company owner who is filthy rich. And then some of the clients they deal with are spectacularly wealthy too. So by comparison, they are not rich. But to anyone vaguely normal, they are loaded!

I think they are more stupid than they are rich.

Our circs were similar butDD at nursery age wore mostly £3.99 summer frocks from George at Asda, a bit of Boden and possibly something nice from John Lewis for special occasions. Children's clothes were handed round friends all the time.

One thing I do wonder from the op's posts is whether "designer" children's clothes are being purchased abroad where they are often much cheaper or fakes. When DH was working a lot in NY, he brought Abercrombie and Fitch stuff back for the dc for far less than in the UK. It was cool 15-20 years ago.

Could you deliberately misunderstand their comments and thank them each time they make a comment eg thank you so much MIL, that would be so kind of you to treat us to [£500 outfit/business class flights/whatever else they are putting pressure on you to buy]?

You mean your in-laws literally tell you that your DCs should frequently be wearing outfits costing more than £500?

They are delusional.

I am a high income earner but would not consider myself rich. However I have friends who are rich (not Russian oligarch rich, but with hundreds of acres of land held in the family for centuries - in one case literally since the Doomsday Book) and they would not dress their kids at that price other than for special occasions.

People bang on about London pricing, but that only really applies to property, petrol/transport and the cost of eating out. And if they have paid off their mortgage then the biggest of these doesn't matter. Gas and electric cost the same wherever you live. So does the internet. I haven't seen Sky, Netflix or any other provider vary their prices by region within the UK, nor banks and credit card companies with the interest they charge. Tesco and the other big supermarkets prices are set nationally.

You don't mention if she works too? A family income of £250k wouldn't be rich in my opinion. But being mortgage free is certainly a big factor. Our household income is about £270k ish, and I wouldn't say we are rich. Very comfortable, but not rich. Rich to me is when the cost of something does not need to be considered in any decision.

How is that lifestyle even possible on £250k ?? Is that the base salary ?

I bought our granddaughter a Ralph Lauren dress for Christmas - it was £25 from TK Maxx.

Well yes, but usually when people consider how comfortable they are they compare themselves to the rest of the country (give or take).
That's what the media, government, banks etc look at.

If someone had to clarify that they didn't think they were rich because they were comparing themselves to the monarchy or something I'd think they were a bit of a twit.

I think that people who get bonuses more than my annual salary are on a different financial stratum to me.

Ouch! Guessing you don't like her husband much???

Could it be that she actually enjoys being with him? That he makes her happy, and not just by spending money on her?

Maybe (god forbid) she finds him attractive??? He's only 40 FFS!

I suspect this has already been discussed to death, but being in my forties myself I don't have enough time left to spend reading the entire thread.........

If you make £270,000 per year, your Monthly salary would be £22,500.

In October 2023 the top one percent of earners in the United Kingdom received an average pay of 15,082 British pounds per month

There aren't many people earning more than you.

@CharlotteBog our monthly take home is about 11k. We pay a lot of tax! We spend half and save half. Saving £5ish k a month is definitely a luxury, but it's not megabucks. Our children go to state school and we are very ordinary, but do live in a nice house.

Not rich no but definitely very comfortable.

OP with respect you do sound jealous. Regardless of your in laws making waves your comments about her marrying him for money etc are a bit of a give away that some of your opinions on their home life aren’t entirely objective.

I would say well-off rather than rich, if a label is needed.

Our household income is in that ballpark. We have a mortgage to pay though. That plus school fees and childcare doesn't leave enough for business class holidays. Without the mortgage, presumably no childcare if sil isn't working (I don't recall you mentioning her job) and no school fees yet they will be very comfortable indeed.

Thanks for the correction. I think I must have been thinking of the boarding fees.

Also agree with your last point!

Just been talking to DH about it more.
I think I was underestimating earnings.

He says that the husband is making 300k - started at 250k but was several years ago and thinks he gets at least 100k in bonuses.
House probably worth around 5 million having had a look on instagram.
She doesn't work but easily could if she wanted she's very well educated and has good experience. I'm pretty sure they do the full £9000 a year in JISAs for their kids.
I think it's just pure insanity that in-laws think this is just comfortable.

Of course they are rich. It's not that subjective. Whether they feel rich is irrelevant but objectively they have a lot more money than you.

Only on mumsnet, where all perspective has been lost, is having assets likely worth in the region of £2 million or more + an annual income of likely touching 500k considered just "comfortable". Most people in the world dream of having 40k a year, let alone being able to waste that on school fees.

These people are rich. Not super, super wealthy, but they are absolutely rich.

Of course they are rich or wealthy or well off or whatever term you want to use. No, they are not russian oligarchs or Jeff Besos but come on ... are we now defining rich as that? Those are the super-wealthy. A chief investment officer for a wealth management company in London with a mortgage free house is of course rich - or he is a fool or CIO of the mickey mouse wealth management company.

Your problem is your PIL who, frankly, sound a bit dim. You have a range of options available to you when replying to them:

Omg you are right. Will you pay for our children's school fees/business class tickets/stupid dresses because life is so much cheaper for you here in Cumbria so you must be loaded?

or

Do you think SIL needs a bit of a hand-out? I mean parsnips cost 500 pounds each in London so it must be so hard for her to make ends meet. And sending parsnips won't help because London imposes a 500 pound tariff once they enter. How hard for her. I really worry about her.

or

MIL, could you please stop talking about money.

or - my favourite

Who do you fancy for the finals then?/lovely cheesecake Moira/I thought I saw a squirrel go by.

My own sister used to play the poor mouth with my mum all the time (no idea why I think it was reflexive - she wasn't trying to get money out of her - maybe she was afraid my mum would ask her for money). She was always telling her how little money they had and how hard it all was. They lived in a 5 bedroom house in the nicest part of our city, both had excellent jobs, their children went to private school, she saved the child benefit for them, and they owned a 4 bedroom holiday home in one of the most expensive areas of the country. Finally I said to my mum after the 100th "Do you think James' job is ok, your sister says things are very tough" that I didn't want to waste my time reassuring her that my well off sister was well off and could we for the love of god not talk about it anymore.

How do you even know his salary? I have literally never discussed our salaries or my siblings salaries with them and we are all likely to be in these brackets (based on jobs). Honestly OP you sounds really obsessed by this and it’s not at all healthy

Just live your own life. Shut the PIL down if they bring it up. Move on.

Words mean things. PP explained it better. If you are travelling business class (not first) if you work for someone else, however well you are remunerated, you are not rich.

I think disclosing so much information about your SIL's personal finances is a bit inappropriate.

I would just stick to your position that your SIL is really lucky and you can't compete. Otherwise, just move on. There is nothing to be gained from you and your DH spending time discussing how much money they have that you don't.

I would agree with this analysis.

To me they're in "well off" rather than rich but it's definitely a subjective thing and they're definitely well beyond comfortable.

Interestingly I think I would categorise wealthy as having more than being rich but maybe they're comparable amounts but different types of riches?

It’s all relative, isn’t it? It looks pretty rich from where I’m sitting and we’re comfortably off by most people’s standards.

Ok, so I normally agree that Mumsnet is lala land, but in this case you are bassackwards. Call these people comfortable, call them well off, whatever. But 'rich' means something else entirely. It doesn't just mean 'not poor'.

I'm also comfortably off, I don't earn as much as the OP's inlaws but I'm not complaining. I don't think that they are rich, because rich doesn't just mean 'someone who earns more than I do'.