To think they are ‘𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘩’

[HansBanan]

Okay, I know it's subjective but I'm some what bored of my in-laws down playing this.
My SIL is 28, well educated, 2 children, lives in London. She's married, husband is about 40, a little older maybe, a high earner (250k ish - chief investment officer for a wealth management company).
They are mortgage free, in a large beautiful house (I'm not sure of the logistics of how this is the case but know they are). 1 car, owned outright. They have credit cards but I'm sure they pay them off monthly and mainly use them for the benefits and rewards.
Their children are young so not school age yet, but it's very clearly they sill be privately educated. I'm not sure how much the bonus her husband receives would be but let's assume it's anywhere between 25k - 125k depending on the firm.
They holiday several times a year, almost always business class.

AIBU to think that is ‘𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘩’? My in-laws are all insisting that in London this is just comfortable but I don't buy it! Especially not with their mortgage free home!
I know it's not my business but it irks me

Coming from a very deprived part of the north-east, I'd say they were rich, yes. Very.

I’m mortgage free but trust me I’m not rich. I’m a full time carer for a parent so live on very little money but I agree being mortgage free is the best thing in the world. I couldn’t do what I do if I had a mortgage or rent to pay. I feel thankful pretty much every day.

I would say £250k salary for a family of 4 living in London with two sets of school fees to pay would mean they are comfortable but certainly not ‘rich’.

It’s the being mortgage free (and not yet incurring school fees) that means that they are currently living a rich lifestyle with the multiple holidays and business class travel etc.

Btw I fly business class and I earn nothing like your SIL’s husband - I’m just savvy with avios, so it could be that!

Sure, to be fair there is no precise taxonomy lol. That said, I would maybe agree with you. I still think that merely being able to afford private school and being mortgage free does not equal 'rich'. 'Rich', to me, implies something a little more grandiose, a sort of don't care attitude that comes from either generational wealth or at least very large wealth. Low six figures doesn't cut it imo.

I'd say that if your family is in the top 10% income bracket then you are rich.

Top 1% is super rich.

I'd say top 20% is well off maybe and
top 30% is comfortable.

Comfortable?! Come off it. That’s rich. Not Uber rich but rich nonetheless. Comfortable implies covering your mortgage, having a bit of disposable income and not worrying if an unexpected bill comes through or the boiler breaks. I’m comfortable but I certainly don’t earn near that amount.

I don’t even know your PIL and I’m incredibly irritated on your behalf. Comfortable indeed.

I know my view is a generalisation because there will be people in similar situations to you in terms of finances.

You’re doing a great job being a carer I’m sure!

I'd say they're rich, but that's my opinion.
It's irrelevant though, the only reply you need to give your parents in law is "we don't have the same income or outgoings" or "we are living within our means" should cover it.

No, I think super rich is what I would call literal billionaires. I would argue that 1% is rich, 10% well off, 20% comfortable.

Mortgage free and on a large salary of course they are rich.

Perhaps ask the PIL how much disposable cash they think they have versus how much you have. Perhaps the blinkers will fall?

"why don't you have /why can't you afford.... x?"

"I don't know, ask your son... By the way I'd love another cup of tea"

Of course they are rich. Most Londoners, including those who are very comfortably off, are nowhere as rich as that.

One third of UK households is mortgage free.

Very comfortable.
Is your BIL a CIO (Investment) or CIO (IT)?
Is the company publicly listed?
If so, bonuses are usually 50% of salary, so plenty of opportunities to amass cash and liquid funds.
But also, lots of decision making responsibilities so lots of stress.
Anyone travelling regularly will amass aer mile points which quickly build up and transfer to business class upgrades etc. Is it worth the hassle?
OP, all these trappings of success come at a cost. Been here, done that.
Wishing you and your family well.

I really don't think that 'comfortable' is quite as basic as you are implying. It's a tricky one because it is one of those euphemistic words. The way the OP and most others on this thread as using it is quite literal, so as you say, not being kept awake worrying about money. The way I use it, and most people who I know who would describe themselves as comfortable would use it, is much wealthier than that. More like the OP's BIL, in fact.

They're rich. By London standards or any standards. Not international jet set rich but definitely rich.

I think the more money you earn, the higher the income you think qualifies as rich.

None of the people I think are rich would think of themselves as rich!

This sounds like toxic in law's. Just grey rock them. Look at her blankly and change the subject. Ask your dh to tell them to cut it out and they are being insensitive.

If they were paying a London mortgage and childcare, I’d be more sympathetic to your in-laws’ view. But no mortgage? That’s 12k+ a month after tax (if 250k is base comp). That’s very healthy.

Then it depends on where they go to school - if they go for e.g. Dulwich College, I believe that’s something like 40k a year. (Correct me if I’m wrong there).

Investment - private bank I think

I can understand why they might be uncomfortable using the term rich but I don't understand why they keep comparing you as you say. Next time instead of saying you can't afford it you could say you have other priorities or that you think it's unnecessary to buy such expensive stuff and even obscene and that you would rather give to charity and that might shut them up!

MN and money is such a madness. He's in the top 1% of earners in the country and he doesn't have a mortgage. On what planet is that comfortable and not rich?! More money coming in than 99% of the rest of the country AND without the biggest outgoing cost.
My income fluctuates as I'm freelance but I'm on between £60-80k a year, in London, and would say I was more than comfortable.

Yup- same here. OP's family sounds wealthy to me.

When I think of "rich" I think of millionaires- Elton John type level

To me, comfortable implies that you can cover your mortgage and regular bills and also unexpected bills like a broken boiler. That you can have a foreign holiday
every year (not necessarily long haul). That if your car becomes unreliable you can replace it with another one (not a brand new luxury one, a mid range one maybe three years old). That you are paying into a pension.

Private school fees are beyond comfortable, you need to be well off for that.

Bonkers lol 😂

I live in one of the most expensive postcodes in the country. There’s a difference between rich and wealthy.

Op sil is defo rich. You’re talking about generational wealth.