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AIBU?

17 year old girl and 23 year old boy. In your opinion is it ok?

171 replies

jazzy580371 · 06/01/2024 17:33

Very close friendship.. likely heading towards a relationship.

17yo isn't extremely immature and age gap won't be big when they're older but currently it's a little bit of a gap IMO..

Am I being overprotective?

OP posts:
CoffeeBeansGalore · 06/01/2024 17:35

I was 17 & Dh was 23 when we started dating. Been married 32 years. Age gap was never a problem.

clingon1012 · 06/01/2024 17:39

It is only 6 years but she's not legally an adult and he is, so I understand, and agree with, why you don't feel that it's right. Plus if they went for higher education, she's still in secondary school and he has highly likely graduated from university and working right now which makes the gap seem even bigger...

jazzy580371 · 06/01/2024 17:39

Also to clarify it's not my daughter but goddaughter hence the name change as don't want to be outing.

He seems a sweet guy, she has confided in me about it as her mum doesn't know.. its not as if she's underage so I should tell her mum but I just feel slightly uneasy sitting on it.

18 & 24 wouldn't even be a concern but I think want sure if her being under 18 means I should tell her mum or at least try and convince her to

OP posts:
CharmedCult · 06/01/2024 17:39

I'd be having words with my 20 year old DS if he started dating a 17 y/o girl, never mind if he was 23.

jazzy580371 · 06/01/2024 17:40

Typos after typing too fast there, meant to say "wasn't sure"

OP posts:
MaryShelley1818 · 06/01/2024 17:41

17 year old girl and 23 year old MAN (not boy).
I'd wonder why he wouldn't want to be with an adult woman to be honest.

TomatoSandwiches · 06/01/2024 17:41

17 yr old girl 23 yr old man... I wouldn't be happy tbh.

Howmanysleepsnow · 06/01/2024 17:42

Those were mine and XH’s ages when we started dating. It never seemed like an age difference, and tbh I was always far more mature than him.
though if my 16yo was dating someone that age this time next year I’d be distinctly uncomfortable with it….

jazzy580371 · 06/01/2024 17:43

She isn't a young 17 year old she's got a very sensible head on her shoulders. So I trust her in that respect. I just feel as though her mum needs to know about this but equally don't want to go behind her back and she no longer trust me with things. Feels like I can't win!

He's a nice guy not a creep or anything. They know each other as he's sort of a friend of her brother.

OP posts:
anarchicparadise · 06/01/2024 17:43

My aunt and uncle met when she was 16 and he was 22. Married when she was 19. They were married for 51 years til she died a couple of years ago.

nobody on here can really say tbh and it’s never as black and white as things are made out.

mn29 · 06/01/2024 17:44

Not ok, I’d be concerned. In 10 years time that age gap would be fine. Not when one is an actual child.

LolaSmiles · 06/01/2024 17:45

I'd have reservations, not because of the age gap itself but because of the different stages of life. A man in his 20s is unlikely to be in the same place as a sixth former and lots of growing up happens between 17 and 21.

It works for some people, but I'd be cautious.

SecondHandFurniture · 06/01/2024 17:46

I think it's maybe a bit less worrying if he's her brother's friend? As in not a random from the internet or an older workmate.

TomatoSandwiches · 06/01/2024 17:47

There is a huge difference even within yourself between the ages of 17 and 23.
It's absolutely irrelevant that people here were in similar age gap relationships 20, 30 or more years ago. If you go back far enough you can find people with bigger gaps or getting married even younger.
It doesn't make it ok.

Fionaville · 06/01/2024 17:48

I had that age gap when I was young with an older bf (the 90s) it didn't seem as strange then. But now, if it was my daughter I'd be concerned...in fact I'd absolutely hate it. 18 and 24 wouldn't seem as bad as 18 is an adult (I'd still hate it for my DCs though) Still at 17, there's not much you can do. They're old enough to drive and pay taxes, so you can hardly stop it.

HamBone · 06/01/2024 17:49

My DD (18) would be creeped out by this age gap, tbh. She and her friends tolerate a max. of three years at the moment.

I know that will change as they mature, but perhaps it would best for your goddaughter and this man to stay friends for now and if it’s meant to be when she’s older, fine.
At least wait until she’s legally an adult.

welldonesteak · 06/01/2024 17:50

I'm 17 and I have a baby and even I think this is weird tbh 23 is like a teacher

OpalOrchid · 06/01/2024 17:50

Same age as DH and me when we met. I think it's an alright age gap.

Itsnotwooditsvinyl · 06/01/2024 17:50

I got with my husband when I was 17 and he was 26 so a bigger gap than that.

We are happily and equally married after 24 years. I still went to university, had afew years as a SAHM and am now the higher earner.

My brother is stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship with a woman 2 years younger than him. She uses the children as a weapon.

I know which type of a relationship I'd like my teens (who are now 17 and 14) to be in.

jazzy580371 · 06/01/2024 17:50

She told me they haven't slept together and he's not trying to get her to.

But they text a lot and are very emotionally close and have kissed. I do agree maybe they should keep it friends until she turns 18. But like people have said.. doesn't mean they will; even if they say that's what they're doing!

OP posts:
Minfilia · 06/01/2024 17:50

I was in the same age gap relationship at that age. It was fine - a good relationship even. We were together for 7 years.

Having said that, I wasn’t totally comfortable with DD dating a 20YO when she was 17, and he was lovely. It’s the adult/child thing I think.

OpalOrchid · 06/01/2024 17:51

I wasn't a child at 17.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 06/01/2024 17:53

I have a 17yo DD and I wouldn't be happy with the age gap at this age. He's a man at 23, not a boy.

OldTinHat · 06/01/2024 17:54

DSis was 16 and dated a 22yr old. My parents weren't too happy. They married when she was 20 and will be celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary this year.

Itsnotwooditsvinyl · 06/01/2024 17:54

I will add though at 15 I went out with a man aged 22. He dumped me not long after I turned 16.
That was dodgy as fuck. That I lost my virginity to that awful man is the biggest regret of my life.
So what I'm saying is it is the people not the numbers that matter.

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