To be annoyed when my husband puts sport on during the day

[MammaEvz3]

My husband likes to watch all kinds of sports. Football, rugby, America Football, golf, cricket, athletics, anything really. I find them all immensely boring but not really my point. I get annoyed on a weekend or school holiday when I'm busy with the children (2, 4 & 6) and he just takes himself away to put the telly on and watch whatever sport it is that is on with his feet up. The main reason I think it bothers me is because I would never do this. I never watch any telly I like during the daytime. The children wouldn't give me the peace to and I don't really think it's appropriate. (Like what I'm watching might not be suitable for their ages). I wouldn't expect him to solo parent as I wanted to watch a show. That's what our evenings are for in my opinion. Sometimes he watches sport in the evening but mostly we watch something together although he will often stay up later than me and watch American football after I've gone to bed. I work 3 days a week so on Monday and Friday I have our youngest all day, our middle for most of the day as he in only in morning nursery and all 3 of them come end of the school day. Not complaining about this just giving some background and I guess I just feel like it would be nice if he helped out more on weekends and when he is home over school holidays but he makes me feel like I am really unfair if I say anything about him watching his sports.
He took himself off to watch something earlier when all the children were still at the dinner table and went in a major strop when I asked him to come back to help.(He's still in a strop now really).
Just looking for some perspective I guess of which is reasonable/unreasonable. No nasty comments. Thanks.

Once you post, it's not for you to tell me how nice my post to you should be!

The sneaking off to watch stuff would annoy me but I wouldn’t mind if dh put a bit of sport on in the background if we’re all in the living room together and kids playing etc. Dh plays a lot of Xbox (strategy type games) and he plays them in the main living room whilst Ds plays (often on his iPad etc) and I’m reading etc, we’re all still together. When ds was younger (he’s 11 now) he’d do it less as Ds needed more input etc. We still go out together and do stuff though. It’s the taking himself off elsewhere that would irritate me.

Do you have a hobby?
Does he ever have the kids on his own?
Has he suddenly become interested in sport at the weekend or is this how he's always been and you think he should change?

No it’s not unreasonable for him to watch sports if he enjoys them and they just happen to be on at certain times. There is nothing wrong with it at all assuming you get the equivalent down time to enjoy your own hobbies and interests.

Some times I like to go for a run or to the gym at dinner time, so my DH does the dinner, bath and bed routine. No big deal. Sometimes he’ll go out to watch sports at dinner, so I’ll do the dinner, bath and bed routine.

I don’t think you can dictate when someone should or shouldn’t enjoy their interests, assuming there is a fair split and he does his share of the heavy lifting with the kids.

Wow @JenniferJuniper80 thats a bit of an over reaction!

no YANBU @MammaEvz3 , he is opting out of parenting and it’s childish and passive aggressive for him to get into a strop about it.

Not unreasonable at all Op, he thinks he's worked all week so the weekend is his time whereas you've done childcare all week and, oh look, it's still your turn. You've left this a bit late, but unless you want all childcare to be your job always you need to get him to do his bit at the weekends

The thing will be that some of the sports will be live at a certain time , and not in the evenings necessarily. I would, at the start of the week actually sit down and let him highlight games he wants to watch. Outside of these he can't sneak off

Can we stop with this offensive Karen shit please?

@JenniferJuniper80 why don't you piss off and be snide somewhere else?
@MammaEvz3 I would get it if it was one particular sport, or an important game or, as you say, you trade so that you get to "switch off" too but this is completely one sided and it's that which makes you not unreasonable. He's entitled man-baby from the sound of it who really hasn't copped on to what parenthood is about.
No doubt plenty of people will be along to lambast you for having even one child let alone three with this person but it's irrelevant now. You did and they're here, so now you have to decide what you are going to do to address it.

Karen? Really?

The use of that term says much more about you than the pp.

A poster shouldn't have to ask people not to be a cunt. Yet MN has certain posters that seem to need that push not to be a dick. Then we have posters like you....

Anyway to answer your question, it's not the sport it's your husband that you have the problem with. You are default childcare and he is the important man who gets to opt out of family time whenever he wants. You need to have a conversation that lays out exactly why his limited participation in family life is unacceptable and if he doesn't change you leave or you suck it up.

So he doesn't do any childcare or "family stuff" ( or, God forbid, take charge of his own children), he just slumps in front if the TV and watches endless bloody sports?

You're both unreasonable here. Him for behaving like this, and you to a lesser degree for tolerating the behaviour and not losing your shit at him. I sat back and "let " my exH watch every bloody sport on the planet for 23 years and ignore our DD, and the resentment festered inside me, until I asked him to leave because there's nothing at all attractive about a great lump slumped In front of Sky Sports every possible second of the day.

How will you get him to change?

So essentially just what @JenniferJuniper80 said? 😂

Looking after his kids is not 'helping you out'. Not looking after his kids and assuming that you'll pick it all up because you're a woman is revolting.

Will he watch sport with the kids? Can he multitask ie play with the kids in the living room while the sport is on?

DH does this and now he and DS both support the same football team and bond over it. Today they've both been dressed in their strips, waving homemade flags and chanting football chants while the derby.

I don't like football but I'm happy for them to enjoy it as long as it doesn't take over homelife.

Aye but I don't need to preface with "I'll be a cunt to you and there's nothing you can do about it" I'm fed up of seeing that specimen being an absolute prick to people on this site 🤷‍♀️

Can’t the children just play in the rooms you’re both in and you both just keep an eye on them? Neither of you will be completely undisturbed, there will be noise and them wanting you to fix a toy or whatever, but you can keep an eye on the tv and the kids when they’re entertained with toys.

I wouldn’t accept him just sneaking off to watch uninterrupted unless it was a particular match he wanted to watch, but nor would I feel I couldn’t relax and watch something on tv.

It sounds a bit intense, like you want both of you fully focused on the kids until bedtime. It’s not realistic or healthy imo.

Do you have time to do stuff for yourself, relaxing stuff you've chosen, away from the DC?

If not, can you plan a way to make it happen? If you make a plan, will he be supportive by being proactive with the DC while you're out?

I don't think the sport watching is the issue here. It's how unfair it is that its leaving you holding the can whilst he has his feet up.

It wouldn't matter what it was; watching sport, out playing golf, gaming, in his shed, gardening.. its all leaving you to sort the kids. Unless you get equal time to relax, he's being a selfish arse.

It's a fairly simple solution op...

Equal leisure time.

That's it. How can anything else be fair.

Parents obviously will have less leisure time than before kids. He is very welcome to use his leisure time to watch sport, but if he gets an hour watching it whilst you solo parent, then you get an hour doing whatever you want.

I have no idea how anyone could argue against that.

I get annoyed with the sport thing too. Like how everything else has to stop because sports on. I get that it’s live so dh likes to watch it in real time, but it’s usually pretty inconvenient. E.g Sunday tea time there is often football on and dhs team always seem to play at the time. It annoys me because I have to cook and we can’t eat together as a family unless we eat late and I don’t like to on a Sunday. I hate football though and I know others wouldn’t be bothered about this. They’d probably sit and watch it too.