To be annoyed when my husband puts sport on during the day

[MammaEvz3]

My husband likes to watch all kinds of sports. Football, rugby, America Football, golf, cricket, athletics, anything really. I find them all immensely boring but not really my point. I get annoyed on a weekend or school holiday when I'm busy with the children (2, 4 & 6) and he just takes himself away to put the telly on and watch whatever sport it is that is on with his feet up. The main reason I think it bothers me is because I would never do this. I never watch any telly I like during the daytime. The children wouldn't give me the peace to and I don't really think it's appropriate. (Like what I'm watching might not be suitable for their ages). I wouldn't expect him to solo parent as I wanted to watch a show. That's what our evenings are for in my opinion. Sometimes he watches sport in the evening but mostly we watch something together although he will often stay up later than me and watch American football after I've gone to bed. I work 3 days a week so on Monday and Friday I have our youngest all day, our middle for most of the day as he in only in morning nursery and all 3 of them come end of the school day. Not complaining about this just giving some background and I guess I just feel like it would be nice if he helped out more on weekends and when he is home over school holidays but he makes me feel like I am really unfair if I say anything about him watching his sports.
He took himself off to watch something earlier when all the children were still at the dinner table and went in a major strop when I asked him to come back to help.(He's still in a strop now really).
Just looking for some perspective I guess of which is reasonable/unreasonable. No nasty comments. Thanks.

I am female and I identify myself as female thank you 🤣

Obviously he's useless, but why didn't you speak to him after the first child instead of having two more and now getting annoyed about it. You've set the bar long ago

No I don't mind him staying up late to watch it that doesn't bother me at all as long as he wasn't then so exhausted that it impacted the family the next day but that doesn't happen. Its when I have to solo parent as a result during a weekend that it bugs me.

Watching sport live in MUCH MUCH preferable for many reasons. He has every right to take time out to do things that he wants to do when he wants to do them. What is wrong with him doing what he wants?

HOWEVER, I do basically agree with you - the primary issue here is he isn't pulling his weight overall. The problem is not that he is doing things he wants to without his family, it's that OP ISN'T getting similar opportunities (or is getting the opportunities but is too much of a martyr to take them)

Unfortunately being a sexist wanker and being a female are not mutually exclusive of each other.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 🙄

No need for the PA last comment at all, it's like you can't agree with op about one side without making an unfounded personal dig.

You sound like you have a problem.

Stop focusing on the telly or what’s on it. That’s irrelevant. The problem would be the same if he spent that time knitting or making pottery.

Focus on what he’s not doing that you need & want him to do - be an equal partner in your family. Weekends should be 50/50 division of labor.

Yes this.

Tell him you'll be taking equivalent time off for yourself, and then leave the house .

It's a very normal part of parenting: the toddler clings to the mother; the mother and father are not equal in terms of freedom to take leisure time.

But a toddler who just wants to be with his/her mum - you can work around that. Option 1: DH takes all three out and you take the time to relax (NOT do house work!). Option 2: DH takes toddler to do something just the two of them, and you get some uninterrupted older child time.

Arrange both of these from time to time over the next few weeks and see if the TV watching is less annoying.

Meant to say,t the thing about toddlers is they cry about missing mummy for about two minutes and then they have a great time away from you!

@AnonnyMouseDave unless it's the world cup final it's easy enough to record or pause live tv, stay off the internet so you don't know the result and watch it a couple of hours later when kids are in bed or whatever.

He sounds exactly like my father back in the 60s. Bloody World of Sport on every weekend. He did no parenting for me, ever. I couldn't even get his attention. Then thirty years later he tried the "like to get to know you" bullshit, having waltzed off when I was nine, giving me the satisfaction of telling him he had his chance and blew it decades before.

Your husband sounds like the same sort of lazy, uninterested dickhead, with even less excuse given it's 2024, not 1969.

It's called internalised misogyny @Henryhover look it up.

And the crying laughing faces? Sign of a disturbed mind. It's the emoji version of!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's not the sport, it's the inequality in the situation that's causing you the issue. Carve out equal amounts of down time doing something you like to do, and he will have to lean in with his children. If you have to go out of the house even though you'd also rather flop in front of the telly unbothered by the kids, then you'll have to for now, it will change as they get older. Get yourself down to a few yoga classes, or go for a swim and a coffee with a mate. Don't wait for him to have some lightbulb moment and facilitate this for you, he won't, you'll have to do it for yourself.

Also, he's not helping you with the kids, he's half the parents.

I think the not pulling his weight is an issue more than the sports. I hardly ever watch tv and have few programmes I watch but my husband does. He puts on sky sports news at the weekend in the morning and football, darts, golf etc on all the time whereas I don’t bother with the tv most of the time. My husband does however have this on in the background and if he needs to do other tasks e in the household or with the baby this is prioritised. If it wasn’t I’d have an issue with it and need to have a conversation about it

Completely untrue.

(1) Huge amounts of sports is only available on foreign streaming sites and cannot be recorded or paused.

(2) People have friends who call and text.

(3) It's very easy to stumble upon results when on websites even if you are making a conscious effort to avoid all references to the sport in question (eg by not clicking on the football tab on the BBC site they still show you the result from the cricket tab)

(4) It's very easy to walk in a room and catch the score on the radio someone else is listening to.

(5) Couple of hours can easily be 10.

(6) Even if none of the above were true watch live and pretending to watch live are not quite the same.

All I am trying to say is that his desire to watch live sport is not the issue (like him playing golf or swimming or going to the gym or going to the pub with mates would not be an issue). The issue is how much live sport and how little equivalent time OP gets. IMHO.

No I wouldn't say he's as bad as that at all. Sorry for your father but my husband isn't as bad as you've described.

I'm glad to hear that, at least, @MammaEvz3 - still sounds like he needs to step up a lot more, though.

Yeah this is what I was trying to say.

I am hoping to spend tomorrow watching sport and avoiding family! What makes my desire somewhat reasonable is that today my partner went out at lunchtime to meet a friend and is under strict instructions to do whatever she wants all day and come back whatever time she wants to. It's called give and take!

Where I feel my criticized "martyr" comment might have some merit is that OP has not mentioned wanting to go out or do anything exciting. It sounds like she is resigned to weekends of drudgery, and expects DH to join in the tedious housework and entertaining toddlers for 14 hours on a saturday and 14 hours on a sunday, with her. I believe OP if she says "lazy useless hubby is no. 1 problem" but IMHO OP should be going out / having a bath / spending three hours on the phone to her best mate, whatever, when DH Is not watching sport and leave him two it. IMHO both parents need time out alone, as well as time out together and as well as time with the kids.

Thank you. We have had a little chat tonight but I don't know if we'll actually see any changes. Only time will tell I suppose.

If you are waiting for time to tell if there will be any changes - then that means you are not going to actually make the changes yourself.

I think it is a mistake to be passive or hope for him to change first.

I really really think you need to balance out these behaviours very deliberately. You need to say randomly, I’m off out for a walk. Don’t forget to feed them lunch and clear it up. The things you’d do. And disappear for a similar amount of time as he does. Then when you discuss it you say I would support you to have some time if you supported me, but you sulk and grump if I go for a walk and you don’t clean up after them so you are leaving work for me. I’ve given you much more support than that and you still get mad at me when I object to you disappearing. If you ask if it’s convenient if you go watch some sport, then I will ask about going for a walk. If you don’t clean up and parent effectively while I’m out the way I do while you watch sport then you should get less time than I do, since I have to catch up on the work you’ve left for me anyway. Are we a team or do you think you’re special here?

If OP needs to remind her DH that his children need feeding at a meal time then I don't think there's any fixing it.

Hopefully that wouldn't be the case.

You make an excellent point. I will try to implement changes by taking time for myself too then.

Na it wouldn't be. He knows when they need feeding and would do it without prompting if I wasn't there.