Dating... The drudgery of it all 😩

[Sunsetboater]

See attached chat screenshots from Tinder...
Shall I throw this one back or persevere a little longer?
Ok, so I know I'm only on day 5 of texting but using with my own rule of thumb of 'no date mentioned within 3 days', this one is yet another that's just turning into the 'Pen-pal' or even worse will prove to be yet another 'Ghoster'.
He's so cagey 🙄.. I mean, it's one thing to not over-share but he's on a dating site for gawd sake 😅
I'm 59 by the way... I think I need to take 'another' break from internet dating before I give up completely and resign myself to a life of singledom and my rabbit 🤣

He seems nice. At least he isn't asking for naked pics!

I'd ask him if he wants to meet up. If he only joined the app recently he might be completely new to OLD.
If he doesn't want to meet then you've got your answer and cut him off but at least you've tried.

I don’t think either of you is doing any more lifting than the other in that conversation. You’re each asking a similar number of (pretty banal) questions. It’s just not a very exciting conversation, so I’m not surprised that neither of you is really feeling invested in it, and it shows. I couldn’t find it in me to be wishing a complete stranger a good morning and to see what the day brings, or find it in me to want to respond to that sort of message. Just cut the small talk and ask if he wants to arrange a date. If he skitters around it then there’s your answer, but you’re going to find out a lot sooner than this slow game of message badminton.

In future, just avoid getting into this sort of chit chat entirely before you’ve actually met. Establish within a handful of messages you have enough in common to go for a drink or coffee, suggest it, then keep pre-date messaging to a real bare minimum beforehand. Seriously, nobody you just matched with OLD gives a shit that you went to Tesco and bought loo rolls and toothpaste. That’s the sort of information I’d even wonder WTF about if I phoned my mum for a chat and she regaled to me.

This is such a different experience of my chats on Tinder. He seems normal, he's new so he will be figuring it out. I got someone who seemed perfectly nice (and was very fit) then drunk messaged me asking me to piss on him, another who got defensive and argumentative with me because I asked why he only read young adult fiction in his 30's and another who asked me on a date then casually mentioned he'd be bringing his live in GF along.

Don't throw him back just yet, maybe take the lead?

I met my now DH on Tinder so don't give up. Good luck OP

You're not moving the conversation on at all either though, and he is starting a fair a amount of it. I don't see any particular fault on his end. Why can't you just ask him to meet up if that's what you want?

I think that’s fine. Maybe a bit too much chatting for me. I would prefer to meet up quickly.

I hate the endless chit chat on dating sites so move pretty quickly to the ‘would you like to meet for a coffee/drink?’ Question if they haven’t done so within a few days.. weeds out the timewasters and avoids
the peril of falling in love with how someone writes and then having no chemistry in person ..

I don't see anything wrong with his chat, it's x 1000 better than most of the single sentence, non-question asking chat I get. It's just going on for too long.

Just ask him out.

Research has shown that you have more chance of meeting someone (and having a relationship) through Tinder, than any of the other dating platforms.
The chat is a bit pedestrian but he seems nice. Why can't you just ask him if he's interested in meeting up?
If you're willing to throw him back already, then chances are you aren't really serious about meeting someone.
I briefly dated a man who was amazing at the messaging (I'd be rolling around the floor laughing!), but couldn't quite live up to it in person. Your guy could be the opposite!

The chat is a bit boring but other than that I don't see much wrong in it. It could be one of those never ending ones though, which obviously you don't want. If after 3 days nothing seems to be progressing, personally i'd ditch. Look up 'Burn the haystack dating method' online, there's a FB group with good advice also, some good tips on there.

I'd ask him if he wants to meet up. It's only been a few days but I guess things move fast online. You'll have a much better idea then if he's just looking for a penpal or is actually interested in it going somewhere.

I agree, he sounds nice. Maybe a little shy/reserved. Give him a chance OP! Suggest a meet. He could surprise you. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. 😊

It is not a crime to be single. Better that than a bad relationship.

Yeh @LlynTegid I think that's the happy ending really. I read threads where a woman's husband wanted her to take a sleeping pill before they had sex, that was his fantasy, that she be not there while he had sex with her. I would just be so turned off by that fantasy. I know that this could be perceived to be an unusual case, but there's always something, if it's not porn it's laziness, if it's not porn or laziness, it's bad humour. If it's none of those it turns out he appeals to other women and he is cheating or juggling several women. I just think at this point in my life, bow out. Accept being single. I have a couple of single friends still dating. One school friend, she's seeing somebody right now, but she's on this cycle of feeling good for a bit, feeling crap for a bit. Maybe she feels more 'alive' this way. I don't know, wouldn't have the energy for it all.

You're both doing exactly the same thing. Making small talk which is going nowhere.

If you want to meet up, just bloody ask. It seems to be that neither of you are actually that motivated in this particular instance.

Being single is not a form of punishment.
So many single women wasting time , money and effort looking for something they don't even need. The online dating companies must be raking it in playing on the fears of single people. Same with the beauty industry cashing in on people's fear of growing old.
Imagine if we had the guts to say I'm single and I'm happy, I'm looking older but that's ok. Imagine how many businesses would go bust.

I’m afraid he’s just not that in to you. You initiated every conversation (you told him you matched on the Tuesday, you then contacted him on Wednesday and then you contacted him again on Saturday).

So, yes, you’re right to abandon this one, but I:wouldn’t have given 3 chances.

I wouldn’t even bother waiting to hear from him, just block him.

I'm currently standing at a bar in a local country pub having come out for a walk. I really had to push myself just to enter the bar but now I'm here it's fine. I would have sat at a quiet little table but it's really busy. Anyway, I'm tick tocking trying not to look like I've been stood up and came across this very relevant tock...

But you haven't been stood up, unless there's another image I've missed.

Nothing wrong at all with going out on your own.

I don't really get any feeling from his side on reading that. I just mean, it seems pretty neutral, but it could be completely different in person.

Seems like flogging a dead horse?

Either her arrange to meet up or have a call?

All the text chat is just fluff

I don't get why your not suggesting a date?

I see it a lot on here, bemoaning that the man isn't making a move when the woman isn't either.

The chat seems very stiff and a bit forced. He doesn't ask as many questions as you which I think indicates he isn't fussed about prolonging the conversation. I'd leave it TBH.

Yes don't get it at all. Waiting for dates, waiting for proposals..

Your last message doesn’t make replying easy. All I could think to write would be something like nice to see a blue sky or so glad the rain has stopped in time for the weekend. Talking about the weather is banal and boring. I’d have deleted you for using Lol. He can spell and hasn’t turned everything you’ve said into an innuendo. I’d take that as a win and if he replies ask him if he’d be interested in meeting up for a drink this week.