To accept this gift from my parents?

[LadyJos]

My parents have very kindly offered to gift us 40k towards buying our first home. We are in our forties with two children and have of course worked hard for about 15 years to save a deposit.

After looking carefully at our finances, it seems we might just be able to buy a house without this 40k, although it would mean other financial sacrifices to make that happen and would make the our mortgage very expensive (although not unaffordable).

I feel I should come clean to my parents and tell them we may be able to make it work without this gift after all. If it were just my dad, I think he would offer the gift (or some of it) anyway. However, if my mum has this information she’ll want to withdraw it all together as she is very tight about money.

They are very well off but not to a ridiculous extent. My husband and I both work hard in good professional jobs. I’m really morally torn over whether to take the gift and make my family’s life financially easier or to explain that it might not be necessary, and lose the gift. AIBU?

If I stretched myself to gift 40k for a house I’d be totally pissed off if the person I gave it to did this

No, not if the parents die within seven years of the gift. The beneficiary has to pay the tax on it, if so.

Id be honest because if my mum was so determined to get out of giving me what is a gift I wouldn’t want it.
she also sounds like someone who would remind you at every opportunity that some of your house is hers. She sounds mean.

Is your sibling likely to have any moral qualms about accepting the gift? If not, take it.

The gift itself would be subject to IHT on a sliding scale so therefore still beneficial to OP assuming she is a residuary beneficiary if her parents died within 7 years.

Also if its from their income there is no charge anyway.

Nobody has said anything like that. Just urged her to accept the gift, which her parents wouldn't be giving if they didn't have it. They will even be offering the same to her sibling.

Accept their gift.

It will give you breathing room if things turn out to be more expensive than you expected, or one of you is out of work through illness or whatever for any length of time.

Don't put stresses on yourself when you don't need to.

OP I will answer your question as a parent who has helped all their children to get into the housing ladder, not always at the most convenient moment for me, but when it was needed.

First of all, I want to say to you how incredibly proud of you I would be/am, that you have been working towards, and saving for, this life changing goal. I am so proud of my own DC for this, and that on one occasion they tried to turn it down because they thought we'd already done enough. Your post shows sound planning, and a thoughtful and considerate attitude for others on your part. Well done indeed.

Now to the gift.

While I understand your moral qualms, I will say this. I don't think your parents (and particularly your mother) are idiots. They will have thought this through and worked out what they think they will need. They understand that it is hard to get on the property ladder nowadays and want to help you now, when it's needed. Appreciate that, and don't overthink it. As a parent, most of us want to leave our children safe and secure.

And don't, please, give your dad all the glory. There will be a reason they are in a position to do this, and it may well have a good deal to do with your mum. Trust me on this and don't judge her harshly - she's practical, and if she didn't agree, it wouldn't be happening.

Take it with good grace and enjoy it. 🏡💕

xxxxxxxx

PS and ignore the loons with the holiday nonsense. I rarely swear on here, but I have no other words.

I'd take it. It can benefit them too if they're over the IHT threshold. Saving, potentially, 40% in tax! Sensible planning.

It boils down to exactly the same thing. If the estate has to pay it there’s less money for the heirs. You’re arguing over semantics @Spirallingdownwards.

FGS, they want you to have it - accept it gratefully and be thankful. So many are not so lucky.

I say this as a parent who has helped dcs with property purchases. Many parents are only too happy to help - if they are fortunate enough to be able to.

Accept it from your parents, but as a loan get something drawn up and make it only to you not to your other half this happened to me years later got divorced and my ex tried to keep the money my parents had given towards the house deposit.
if they’re wealthy, they can give you a certain amount tax-free every year. If they pass away it will get eaten up inheritance tax anyway, so makes sense that they start to give you something now ,but to you solely not both of you.
if they do it alone, it doesn’t have to be paid back in my understanding of that kind of stuff.

I imagine an extra 40k on top of your deposit would make your mortgage repayments much less! You also don't know how much money you will need to put into the house to make it habitable. You're still using the money for it's Intended purpose so absolutely take it.

@NonPlayerCharacter

The OP clearly says in her OP that her Mum probably wouldn't want to give them the money if she knew that the OP doesn't really need it. Do you honestly think it's ok for the OP to keep quiet about the fact she could afford a deposit with out their parents help. That so obviously deceitful and morally wrong. How can you not see that?

Posters can suggest a million ways that the OP could justify not telling her mother the truth but they are all irrelevant. The AIBU is essentially 'Am I ok to lie (by omission) to my parents in order to get £40k of THEIR money'.

This isn't about whether parents should or shouldn't help out their kids and it's not about IHT it's about whether the OP values telling the truth or not to her parents.

If not buy gold for you only safe investment!

Did you tell your parents you couldn’t afford to buy a property if they didn’t lend you 40k? Or did they decide to offer you and your sibling the cash off their own back? Overall, I’d imagine the 80k will be a reduction from any inheritance you may both have received (string free by its nature). With that being the case, I’d say the money will be vastly more useful now, because the first few years of mortgage repayments (when the interest owed is at its greatest) are the highest/hardest.

I think you should be honest with them about your finances and leave the decision to them whether they give you the money or not.

We gave a large sum to our children but we also knew exactly what their finances were, more or less down to the last pound. We knew how a bigger deposit would mean a smaller mortgage etc.

It's concerning that you Mum and Dad aren't quite on the same page with this.
When you say your mum is 'tight' is that justified? Is she worrying about old age and care homes, or do they have enough for that?

Our FA advised we should consider £200K as a cushion for old age and paying for a decent care home (if needed) based on how long on average people live in them.

I know! And someone said a holiday is a waste of money. I disagreed with that comment. Which apparently I’m not allowed to do.

Just accept it ! End of!

That’s a dreadful suggestion.

Keeping it simple- if you told them or they believed that you needed a top up to buy the house and made the offer of a gift based on that, yet now you think you can manage without that, well, yes, of course you should tell them.

The likelihood is they will want you to have it anyway.

The worst thing would be to withhold the truth, they find out later (which they surely would) and it would create bad feeling.

Do you perhaps work for a holiday company?!? That’s the only possible reason I can think for your, quite frankly batshit, suggestions! 🤣🤣

@Topseyt123
Nobody has said anything like that. Just urged her to accept the gift, which her parents wouldn't be giving if they didn't have it. They will even be offering the same to her sibling

Most of the posts have told the OP to just take the money and not to tell her parents the truth about her financial position. The fact the parents can afford it is irrelevant. The parents are only offering the money because they MISTAKENLY believe the OP can't afford a deposit without it. I think it would be wrong for the OP not to tell her parents the truth. That way the parents can decide what they want to do with their OWN MONEY.

I wouldn't do that. It would feel too much like they're paying for their own holiday (and yours). Use the money for the purpose they gave it to you. Or take less.

Oh ffs, I'm really getting sick of people on here who think any kind of rebuttal is an attempt to silence them.

If you'd be OK with that, then please do send me £40k because you want to help me with my mortgage and I'll use a quarter of it to take you on a cruise. In this case, though, it would be completely against what the gifters have stipulated and for that reason would be a terrible idea even though you like holidays.

I just can't with this level of discussion. Carry on telling us that you like holidays.