Lazy mornings

[newyrgrl]

Having a chat/debate about this with a friend so interested on other peoples views.

I work 3 days a week and on those days my toddler is at nursery and older dc obviously at school. So we are out of the house by 8am Wed-Fri. On my days off I prefer to take it steadier in a morning. A coffee, leisurely breakfast, catch up on chores etc. Toddler still naps around 10/11 so we can't do much anyway. Sometimes if it's a nice morning we'll throw on yesterdays clothes and go for a walk but not very far. When toddler is napping I'll have a shower, do make up and get ready and once she's up and had lunch we'll go out in the afternoon.

Realistically this is only maybe 2-3 days a week as weekend mornings tend to involve clubs, sports, birthday parties and so on.

In the holidays the older kids are quite happy to potter, game, read, watch tv in the mornings. But they do get a bit irritable by lunch time.

Friend has basically insinuated that I'm lazy to spend my mornings like this as she likes to be up and out pretty much as soon as everyone is awake. My argument is we probably do the same amount of stuff just at different times of day.

Fwiw even before kids I enjoyed a slow morning. I like to shower and do my hair before going out because sadly I'm not one of those people who rolls out of bed looking ready for the day. Obviously being confined by dd nap also makes it tricky to go far before lunch but I suppose that won't last forever. So am I lazy or do other people prefer this sort of routine?

People get weird about mornings and productivity. I work shifts and I constantly get comments about oh it's alright for you lying in, in the morning etc.... yes because I'm working when you're asleep.
As you said you do the same things, just at different times of the day, just ignore her!

Yes I do the same as you. I'm not going to receive a medal for making us get up early, washed and dressed for nothing. My kids are so flexible now, I can wake them up early, or leave them to lie in.

Your friend sounds a bit jealous op.

My youngest doesn't wake up until 9 so our mornings are always lazy. I'm making the most of it until DC3 comes along!

In winter it can be more tricky to do anything outside such as gardening after 4pm and the sun has set and lots of women feel worried about walking around in the dark on their own or doing exercise (not everyone!).

At the time it gets dark at 4pm, it also doesn't get light til about 7.45am so all the early birds going out for a run at 5.30am are probably no safer than me going for a run at 8pm. And shops, banks, businesses etc are mostly closed at either end of the day

You've got your balance right for you- that's all that matters 😊

Your friend needs to slow down a bit if you ask me. There's absolutely need to be up and out at the crack of dawn every day!

I think its a bit shit for school aged children if you don't ever get out of the house in the mornings. Mine would have gone loopy if we only ever went out in the afternoon. Don't you ever do days out with the youngest napping in a pushchair?

I really dislike people who feel the need to order other people's lives because they think there is only one "right way" to do things. I'd put your friend in this category. Her way is much better than yours and, if she just wears you down enough, you will see the light.

Both my mother and my MIL are a bit like this. To give my mother credit, she now recognises this tendency in herself. When she comes to stay, we've agreed that the kitchen and laundry cupboards are fair game for her managing tendencies so long as she refrains from meddling with anything else.

Op says they go out in the morning at weekends.

I'm more of a night owl than early bird, during school holidays when my kids were young sometimes we went out for whole days, other times just afternoons, or sometimes not at all! I don't think they feel too deprived (they're teens now and hate going out early although they're always on time for school)

In temperament I am much more like your friend: I am an early bird and like to pack a lot into the day. Sitting around doing nothing makes me feel very stressed and anxious.

But the bottom line is it’s none of her business how you run her life. Unless you are inconveniencing her.

Just ignore her and crack on.

Sounds like she hasn't said anything at all to you about it, you just think she thinks this. So there is nothing to ignore. And people saying she isn't a friend?? Sounds like she has not said anything at all about it, you are surmising she thinks this.

My parents are the worst for this. My mum wants to serve us a slap up, silver service breakfast made to order in the morning, preferably at 6.30am. We want to sleep in until 9.30, have toast and be out by 10.

She told us things would change when we had a baby, but the baby doesn't want to get up early either.

I spend most mornings like this 🫢

Was thinking the same.

Lazy mornings are the best

Sounds absolutely fine. I hate rushing around in the morning, you do that most of the week so you absolutely need a few chilled out mornings.

We are sadly in a society that values early birds above owls. No idea why.

If she wants to arrange to do something with you then she needs to arrange it rather than randomly turn up - that would drive me mad. She can say ‘meet for coffee at 8.30?’ And you say ‘10.30/11 would work better’. Simple. Don’t answer the door to her in future if you can help it.

Well your friend would hate me, we're still in our PJ's here ! Shock horror, yet the world hasn't ended ! It's the last day of holidays for us before school and work routine kicks back in and we like to be able to just potter. On weekends we don't like the make any plans before 10.30 at the earliest. One of the two adults in the house take a weekend day each to lay in, we often nap if we can too thanks to lo that doesn't sleep well we often need it!

Also I'm neither a night owl nor early bird, I'm just a permanently exhausted pigeon!

Do what suits u. I live alone, am out for work at 6.30. Long days. Whilst off have had that 2nd cup of tea, breakfast at 10 and done exactly as I please.

My DS is 10 and plays football every Saturday morning. We are up at 7am regardless but we dont actually get dressed until we leave for the game, which could be getting to an away game for 9am or a home game that's not until 12pm. I'd say this probably sums up my approach in general really...perfectly happy to potter at home but also flexible depending on what happens.

Yanbu. I'm also not one for calling on people unannounced. I actually agree with a previous poster that it can be frustrating if someone is so set in their routine that they are unwilling to do anything that might suit others but this doesn't sound like it's the case for you.

I presume your older ones are at school so you’re all up and about on those mornings anyway, so are you just talking about two mornings a week and only in the school holidays?

Your friend is one of those god-awful twats who thinks getting up at the crack of dawn and doing 'activities' is some kind of sign of moral superiority.

It doesn't matter what time you get up or how you spend your mornings. You sound like you've got a nice way of doing things that works well for you and your family. You're not obliged to be available just because she wants you to entertain her at 10am. Everyone has a different body clock.

It's your business, not hers

There was a recent thread on here about wearing pyjamas while you're at home. That descended into the usual nastiness from the vast majority who simply can't comprehend why people like to wear comfy pyjamas in the privacy of their own homes. They should be up and about anyway! How dare they!

We do the same level of slow as you on non-nursery days, just in reverse. We're up and about early because my toddler has his best days if we're out for a good run around in the fresh air first thing. So it's breakfast, dressed, and off to the park or the woods or feed the ducks, or to meet friends for a play. Big long walk then home for a nap.

Our afternoons are very slow. He naps for 2 hours and sometimes I join him! Then we just potter at home for the rest of the day. It's blissful and everyone needs the rest. Nursery days are tiring for them. Enjoy it!

I was going to say the same, morning sounds great tbf and do what suits you. But are you frequently missing out on plans or saying no to things she asks you to do because of it?

either way it’s still absolutely fine if that’s what you prefer but maybe that’s why she made the comment. Don’t get me wrong, I cancel plans so we can have times like this occasionally.

Does your friend think the human race are robots programmed to operate the same way. Its your choice how you run your life.

Enjoy it for as long as you possibly can.

If can't stand the righteously busy, often they're just filling time so they don't have to think.