Lazy mornings

[newyrgrl]

Having a chat/debate about this with a friend so interested on other peoples views.

I work 3 days a week and on those days my toddler is at nursery and older dc obviously at school. So we are out of the house by 8am Wed-Fri. On my days off I prefer to take it steadier in a morning. A coffee, leisurely breakfast, catch up on chores etc. Toddler still naps around 10/11 so we can't do much anyway. Sometimes if it's a nice morning we'll throw on yesterdays clothes and go for a walk but not very far. When toddler is napping I'll have a shower, do make up and get ready and once she's up and had lunch we'll go out in the afternoon.

Realistically this is only maybe 2-3 days a week as weekend mornings tend to involve clubs, sports, birthday parties and so on.

In the holidays the older kids are quite happy to potter, game, read, watch tv in the mornings. But they do get a bit irritable by lunch time.

Friend has basically insinuated that I'm lazy to spend my mornings like this as she likes to be up and out pretty much as soon as everyone is awake. My argument is we probably do the same amount of stuff just at different times of day.

Fwiw even before kids I enjoyed a slow morning. I like to shower and do my hair before going out because sadly I'm not one of those people who rolls out of bed looking ready for the day. Obviously being confined by dd nap also makes it tricky to go far before lunch but I suppose that won't last forever. So am I lazy or do other people prefer this sort of routine?

Nothing worse than being up and out at the sparrow's fart. It takes me ages to come to in the mornings. In fact, it is normal to feel groggy up to 90 minutes after waking up so why not make the most of it by doing absolutely nothing? I have my first surge of energy at midday and the second wind around 7-8 pm. I am hugely productive and creative late in the evening which allows me to run a creative business after finishing my normal working day.

I had a colleague who used to call me 'lazy bones' because I used to show up to work between 10 and 11am. Of course, they left by 4 every single day, whereas I would still be there at 7.

People, glass houses, stones.

Ignore them.

Good lord, make the most of it.
When I had maternity leave with DD3, I did that but 5 days a week! Older ones old enough to get themselves to school.
Dd3 is now 16 and I wfh 2 days a week. I get up at 8.50 on those days and love it.
Ps re friend " wouldn't it be boring if we were all the same"

We're all early birds in our family so this wouldn't suit me but I don't see any issue at all with it if it works for you. I find it really odd that some people seem to attach a sort of moral superiority with being someone who gets "up and out" early - what difference does it make?

sounds bloody lovely to me, enjoy it!

I have nearly 5 year old twins, they aren't back at school until today, so yesterday we were all off. I'd got all my chores done (well not all as there is always something to do) but we went out for some lunch, and then we came back. Twins were playing lovely together so I sat on the sofa and watched episode 3 of Mr Bates v The Post Office. But the whole time watching it I felt like I was doing something illegal, like at any moment someone was going to "catch me"

I think this stuff depends so much on our kids. My son was always a night-owl and late riser so our mornings look a lot like yours... We do our outdoorsy stuff in the afternoon and keep mornings for slow wakings and a hot brunch as our main meal.

But as a toddler he did go through a phase of needing to be run twice a day like a puppy so that was the time in my life that I would hurl myself out the door super-early.

I have friends whose kids are larks and they feel like the day is half over by 11am. Not my style at all but I understand it.

Still seems very weird to be grumpy with someone else for their daily rhythm though, unless you've made plans and are holding them up

Tell her to do one. She's not a friend

People underestimate the value of not rushing around constantly, mainly because we are conditioned by life to always be on the go.

just do what suits you and your family.

I have this problem but it’s me guilting myself! Last night I was awake until 3am then woken to feed DD during the night, so why did I feel guilty and ashamed answering the door in my dressing gown to the post lady at 10am?

Tell her to do one, that's no friend. Just a judgemental woman looking to make herself better than everyone else.

It’s always dads on holiday who think up early = they’re better than everyone else

And one very memorable MN poster who said she was up washed and dressed by 7am every day and anyone who wasn’t was a lazy bitch basically

Two sides to this I think.

You are doing absolutely nothing wrong by having a more leisurely morning. I never really understand people who feel the need to be out doing something every minute of the day. I like my home and I enjoy using it to relax, potter, nap, shower and get ready.

But on the flip side and playing devils advocate. It can get really irritating if someone is inflexible.

So for example for years a relative of mine simply would not get up before 12noon, totally their choice, but they were not contactable before about 1pm when they'd got up and had a cup of tea. Any morning plans, even at like 10.30am were a complete no go. It became very irritating and difficult to arrange anything.

Not saying you are lie that btw, it's just different routines.

I am an early bird too and would hate a slow morning but then again I do like a nice quiet evening as it helps me unwind and relax before it's time to sleep. I generally don't think this is necessarily superior to someone that likes to do the opposite as we are all wired differently.

The only thing I've noticed though is that as a society we do have certain hours that are considered 'productive' (roughly 8am -6pmish) and those that are considered 'leisure time'. So for example people wouldn't think much of someone cracking on with chores at 8am but it would be considered more strange to do this at 9pm. I therefore do notice that those who have strong night owl preference do tend to spend a larger percentage of their day relaxing or doing leisure activity versus those who crack on with jobs early on.

There is a notion (in RL and MN) that getting up early and doing stuff early is superior in some way, even if, as you say you may well do the same amount of stuff just at a different time.

People who get up/start chores later are seen as lazy... but it's not seen as lazy to go to bed early while other people might be doing chores late at night.
(Obviously if you are working then getting up late is notalways an option!)

I can't understand what difference it makes to your friend.

What is it she wants you to be doing at that time? There's nothing wrong with the way you live.

There’s no law that says anyone has to be up and out doing anything by anytime. If you’re happy and it works for you then go with it. It’s your life not anybody else’s!

I'm struggling to understand how it was "difficult to arrange anything", given that you knew this person's routine so well; surely it would be very easy to arrange to see them after 1pm? It's only difficult if you're refusing to accept that they won't be available earlier.

I find life much more pleasant since I stopped giving a flying fuck what people think about me. As long as I am not hurting anyone, I do what I think is best and blithely ignore any petty judgement. My only regret is that it took 46 years and perimenopause for me to realise that pleasing myself was absolutely fine.

I would absolutely hate someone just turning up at my house, so she's unreasonable for that anyway!

And yes, we do tend to have slow mornings at the weekend. The only time I've rushed to get out early is when my child was in the early stages of one nap, and was falling asleep by 11... I would be out the house by 9 so that we actually got to do something before lunch.

I do find friends with children who wake up early want to meet up much earlier, for obvious reasons. Maybe she has early birds? They're texting at 8am saying 'We're in the playground!' and I'm still having my first cuppa while waiting for my child to wake up 😂Mine doesn't go to sleep until much later than theirs though, so...

Well, I am a stay at home parent and this sounds normal to me. But we’re not a morning household! Sometimes my 1 year old will sit on my lap for half hour or more after her morning milk!

I therefore do notice that those who have strong night owl preference do tend to spend a larger percentage of their day relaxing or doing leisure activity versus those who crack on with jobs early on.

And where are these facts from? Do you check in with people throughout the day to see when they are doing their housework? Monitor the times they watch TV? Surely your quote is a load of bollocks given that you have no way of knowing who does what and when! I am a night owl and if you were monitoring me you'd often catch me doing housework til 1am, doing the washing at 11pm, I have a side business where I regularly work til 3am but still get up for my day job. But you wouldn't know that unless you monitored me.

@sprigatito well it was difficult because some things happen in the morning or require you to be somewhere by a certain time.

Relative basically wouldn't leave the house before 2-3pm because they'd wake up at 12-1, then have a cup of tea, their breakfast, shower.

If anyone ever suggested something at 11 they'd say it didn't suit as they wouldn't be up.

What do people do all the time? This thread and the PJ day one make me exhausted! Some people never seem to get time to just do. They always seem to have something but never say what (dog walkers and horse owners aside).

I do think this links to behaviour in schools - kids don't know how to just be -- they ate either out being busy, or online with short bursts of video or game entertainment. Kids need to learn to be bored and find things to do. Everyone Needs time out.

This is such a weirdly aggressive response

It is an observation I have made on the basis of the people that I know well. Obviously you don't fit this description so I don't know why you are so offended by my comments as I never claimed it was true for all night owls, just it was a trend I have observed.

It is harder to get stuff done in what is considered unproductive or unsociable hours for many people. Shops, banks, doctors etc all have pretty standard opening hours so it helps to be available from when they first open often quite early in the morning and getting anything noisy done after a certain time can be difficult if you live in a flat or adjoined house. I have lived in flats where running a washing machines was a big job no after 9pm. There are strict rules about when you can do noise house renovation work which align with normal 'productive' hours as opposed to an extreme night owl schedule.

In winter it can be more tricky to do anything outside such as gardening after 4pm and the sun has set and lots of women feel worried about walking around in the dark on their own or doing exercise (not everyone!).

Evenings are the time though when prime TV television is on, the cinemas have more showings and theatres have most performances. Pubs, bars and clubs open and the world is more geared up for entertaining. Of course you can work and be productive in these hours but I think it's harder to do so and I think there are more pulls to do more leisure and social stuff then.

But that's you making things difficult by trying to push someone to change their routine. If you knew they wouldn't be available to do things that required a morning start, surely you would just do those things with someone else? Why not just respect that they live life differently from you, and stop trying to arrange things you know they won't be up for