To not want anything to do with my sister in law?

[grimandtonictl]

Me and my DH have recently found out we are expecting our first child. A massive shock as we have been trying for nearly 10 years with no result. Had our 12 week scan today and have been told everything is progressing as it should.

My parents live locally (20 minute drive) so we went and told them the news and texted DHs parents and close friends and other family the news also.

SIL is younger than my DH. She struggles with mental health issues and IMO she is pampered by her parents- they top up her rent payments, support her with bills etc.

The issue is she dabbles in drugs- cocaine to be precise. Im not saying i think shes going to shove a bag of cocaine up my daughters nose, but drug addicts are not trustworthy people. I have little experience in dealing with drug users so im trying not to form my own opinions here but general consensus etc.

There have been times my in laws have had to bail her out, drug dealers have been at their door etc and the police ended up getting involved around 6 months ago as someone broke into their home while they were on holiday. This wasnt SIL herself I will stress- she was on holiday with them. But there is suspicion it is to do with a drug debt she owed.

She is attending a drug recovery program- again, I know little about these things but after years of ups and downs- can I be expected to trust her? Even if there are results to be seen, I dont know if i can.

It causes my DH a lot of stress as obviously his parents are getting older now and they are extremely upset/stressed out.

We have very little contact with her- I can count on one hand the amount of times I have seen her since we got married 13 yeard ago. She didnt even come to our wedding.

AIBU to not want her around my child?

You're 12 weeks pregnant and going you're on about keeping SIL from her parents at Christmas.

Just chill out and focus on the pregnancy you've waited 10 years for. You don't know where your SIL will be progress wise in 6 months.

Of course you'd be in your rights to not allow her to babysit etc, but there's no need to make this an issue now when you have a good chunk of pregnancy left and, by your own admission, you hardly ever see SIL anyway.

I'd chalk this up to protective Momma feelings kicking in due to pregnancy hormones and try to forget about it.

This. Stop borrowing trouble.

What on earth do you think will happen whilst you're there?

God just babywear.

If you haven't personally engaged with a known drug addict, it can be quite scary. We've all see tv shows where addicts are running around doing crazy things etc. In the real world, it's obviously less extreme in most cases.

I do remember though that the first time we took the DC to see in laws after we all knew that BIL was using again, I did feel a lot of irrational fear. I quickly realised that day to day, as long as we were around, it was fine. We implemented the "no driving" rule and DH and I didn't make a big song and dance about it but we agreed between us that not only would we never allow him to be alone with the DC, but we wouldn't leave the DC with MIL/FIL if BIL was there as we suspected MIL/FIL wouldn't be as vigilant about ensuring BIL wasn't in charge of them.

But the uncertainty and unknowing was scary so I do understand where OP is coming from, even while I agree she needs to chill out about it.

Huge congratulations OP. I think as others have said you are maybe focussing too much on your sister in law. I would imagine she has caused your PIL a huge amount of stress over the years which has been fed back to you. In reality, don't leave your baby alone with her and all will be fine. I wouldn't trust her to babysit but given the limited contact that you have with her that's unlikely to be an issue. As long as you are there you will always safe guard your child. That's all they need. Enjoy your pregnancy and put this aside. It's not something you need to dwell on.

Firstly congrats,

as previous posters have said, no you shouldn’t be handing over your baby for her to toddle off with alone but I wouldn’t see an issue with her visiting more and wanting to be involved. This could be the positive change in her life that she needs and of course if any boundaries are over stepped take action but until that happens stop stressing and creating issues in your head and enjoy this special time.

Well if you want to see your PIL you'll have to get over it. I promise once you have a baby you will have many, many more things to think about than your SIL holding your baby once a week