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Original poster

Moved into a houseshare, regret it

118 replies

Ireallywantacat · 03/01/2024 18:32

I'm 33 and split with my partner a month ago, he's still in the flat we lived in and the tenancy on that ends next month.
He's staying there as he works nearby, but I work in another city so I decided it'd make sense to move there.
I've only just moved in, and I feel like I'll regret it already.
I would like to save to buy my own property, and tbh this is the only way I'll be able to save at a reasonable pace whilst having some semblance of a life, if I rent a whole flat on my own it'll take much longer.
This is costing me £450 a month including all bills, council tax, utilities etc. and I am taking home about £1850 net so it's very reasonable.
The room itself is on its own floor which is perfect as you don't have to worry about people right next door, and the house itself is very quiet. It's just other women too, I've met one who seems very nice.
It's a shared bathroom unfortunately, that's not the end of the world and I've shared with my family/ex partner so I don't know why it bothers me that much.
There is no living or dining room however. The walls need repainting a bit in my room so I'm going to ask if I can do that myself.
I don't know why I feel so down because I'm going to be saving a lot of money, and it's literally only whilst I save for a house. My parents said they'd help with some of the deposit which I'm grateful for, but I still want to save myself as much as I can towards it.
I shared a nice flat with my partner and I guess this will just take getting used to, it's been a while since I've lived in one. I'm wishing I at least got an ensuite, but I've signed for 6 months now.
The good thing is that it is only 5 minutes away from my office. It won't be some sort of student party house and it does seem incredibly quiet. I think once I get my TV etc. I'll feel a bit better too hopefully..
Don't know what I'm looking for, just any advice really or similar situations.

OP posts:
teddycoat · 04/01/2024 06:48

Delayed gratification never feels pleasant- think of your situation a bit like eating your vegetables before you get to eat the bit you really like!

However, you are doing a great thing- using this now in order to save up for a house. Every time you feel wobbly about it, just remember what this is all for and the end result. A lot of people might not have done what you are doing and then end up never being able to save up for a place of their own so you will win out in the end, its just this process that is challenging. You may find that this time right now teaches you more about yourself than you realise- often it's in the growth/difficult parts of life that we learn the most. Embrace that- think of this as the chrysalis stage whereby you are changing for the better and will be emerging as a beautiful butterfly in time.

So well done for doing such a brave and sensible thing!

Unicorntastic · 04/01/2024 06:53

As there’s no communal room, could you join a local gym that has a cafe so that you have somewhere to hang out if you get bored of the same four walls?

lifehappens12 · 04/01/2024 07:14

Hello. Been in your shoes when I left my marriage at 36 and had to move into a house share as I just couldn't afford my own place.

I found it tough sharing a kitchen and not being able to invite friends round. But I used to just think of it's not forever and once I was back on my feet and saved I could then again.

Shame there is no communal area? I was lucky that I got on with my flatmates so it was nice to hang out with people why going through a divorce etc.

GreatGateauxsby · 04/01/2024 07:38

What is going to help is a budget and an exit plan.

being stuck in an unwanted situation indefinitely is not tolerable.
being in an unwanted situation with a clear motivation and known exit point is tolerable.

work our what kind of deposit you need to start looking.

knowing you need to save minimum £500 pm for 18m or whatever suddenly becomes easier to deal with. You can also look at other ways to top that up (vinted, maybe you save extra one month etc)

i found once I had the deposit I needed and was looking (it took 7m to find “the one”🙀) I didn’t really mind because I could see the finish line and knew I was on the next chapter

PurpleSilverPetal · 04/01/2024 07:45

I’d have a kettle too 😊 it’s grim having no shared living room, but a large room is something, my friend had this set up and a small room, and paid much more

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 04/01/2024 07:53

You haven't settled in yet, that's all, it would be the same in a house. Get yourself a TV, some new bedding and I bet in a couple of weeks you'll feel very differently as it sounds great.

BarbaraWoodlouse1 · 04/01/2024 08:12

It’s so weird adjusting to a new space especially when you’ve been living with your ex before. Must feel odd and a bit lonely. You’ll be ok, you just need some time to adjust. We’re creatures of habit. It actually sounds like the perfect place for you. You just need to put your mark on it. Love how close it is to work too. No stressful commute.

Give it time. So many plus points to it.

The other option is move back in with your parents & give them your rent money.

barkymcbark · 04/01/2024 08:20

It really is a means to an end... you'll be in your own flat so much quicker. Paint the walls, make it your own and persevere

jeaux90 · 04/01/2024 08:26

Pretty lighting and some plants OP. You chose a women only house and prioritised saving, very sensible decisions. Be proud of yourself.

DoAWheelie · 04/01/2024 08:31

I always feel miserable for the first week or two in a new house, even when I was moving to places I'd loved when viewing. It just doesn't feel like home yet and everything isn't settled in the right place.

The only cure is time, you'll probably start feeling better about it once you are back into a daily routine. There was only one place I still hated after that and I'm still glad I stuck out the 6 months there as it made me appreciate the nicer places so much more now.

IHateLegDay · 04/01/2024 08:47

No advice, just sending you a hug xxx

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/01/2024 09:45

It's ok to not like this house as much as your last flat. I once downgraded from somewhere with a pool and concierge to somewhere with no running not water in the kitchen after a break up!
But what I focused on was my fab new area and my more free cash for my social life and travels and remembering the home was temporary but the memories from the fun I was having would last forever.

NeedToChangeName · 04/01/2024 09:54

Short term pain for long term gain

It may be easier in warmer weather, when you can spend more time outdoors

Finlesswonder · 04/01/2024 09:56

It sounds great. I've made life long friends from housesharing

Latewinter · 04/01/2024 10:12

Ireallywantacat · 03/01/2024 18:32

I'm 33 and split with my partner a month ago, he's still in the flat we lived in and the tenancy on that ends next month.
He's staying there as he works nearby, but I work in another city so I decided it'd make sense to move there.
I've only just moved in, and I feel like I'll regret it already.
I would like to save to buy my own property, and tbh this is the only way I'll be able to save at a reasonable pace whilst having some semblance of a life, if I rent a whole flat on my own it'll take much longer.
This is costing me £450 a month including all bills, council tax, utilities etc. and I am taking home about £1850 net so it's very reasonable.
The room itself is on its own floor which is perfect as you don't have to worry about people right next door, and the house itself is very quiet. It's just other women too, I've met one who seems very nice.
It's a shared bathroom unfortunately, that's not the end of the world and I've shared with my family/ex partner so I don't know why it bothers me that much.
There is no living or dining room however. The walls need repainting a bit in my room so I'm going to ask if I can do that myself.
I don't know why I feel so down because I'm going to be saving a lot of money, and it's literally only whilst I save for a house. My parents said they'd help with some of the deposit which I'm grateful for, but I still want to save myself as much as I can towards it.
I shared a nice flat with my partner and I guess this will just take getting used to, it's been a while since I've lived in one. I'm wishing I at least got an ensuite, but I've signed for 6 months now.
The good thing is that it is only 5 minutes away from my office. It won't be some sort of student party house and it does seem incredibly quiet. I think once I get my TV etc. I'll feel a bit better too hopefully..
Don't know what I'm looking for, just any advice really or similar situations.

It doesn't sound too bad OP! Tough to adjust but I bet you can make it lovely. Put on gentle music even when you think you don't want to. Spotify has great mood playlists. Soft lighting and get a fleecy electric blanket to simulate hugs. Look on the Yumasia website for a mini rice cooker for when you just don't want to cook in main kitchen - you can cook rice in the bottom and veg etc in the basket. Cake you've got this.

Tinselunderthetv · 04/01/2024 10:26

get a tv in room, mini fridge/kettle. Join a gym with good classes and nice facilities to shower in? As it’s January you will get good deal on showers.

WonkyFeelings · 04/01/2024 10:29

Hang in there. I did the same and with some very strict saving, bought my own place two years later. No regrets!

cassy10 · 04/01/2024 10:42

I lived in an awful house share and things that helped me were having lots of pics of friends and family in my room (print your phone photos!), flip flops for using the communal bathroom and a nice wash bag that has all my decent bath and body stuff in that I would take in there and take out again.

Also, something like Method bathroom spray is good and you can give it a quick spritz before you use it so it smells like 'your bathroom' if you know what I mean. Smells are very important. Have candles or room spray in your room so it smells lovely.

Make your room your nest. Have lots of sort furnishings and comforting stuff out. I had an old Care Bear out. Didn't care. Made me feel safe.

Have your own mugs and have blankets as well so you can wrap yourself up. It's like getting a hug when there is no one around.

Do not be afraid to use your posh stuff and don't wait until you move out. Use the best stuff you have right now. This is prime self care time.

PossumintheHouse · 04/01/2024 10:51

If the room is spacious enough as you’ve mentioned, I’d make a mini ‘living room’ in one corner. Comfy chair, a TV, little side table. Get some lovely plants, candles and pictures (check you’re allowed to hang them - if not get light frames you can stick up), plus a rug and throw. Mini fridge and kettle a great idea, as is a mini hob or rice cooker (again, check your contract for prohibited items). £450 sounds like a very good price for a short-term solution, try to focus on that.

TheseLegsDefinitelyUsedToBeLonger · 04/01/2024 11:05

Moving anywhere new is hard, but I love that everyone has come up with endless suggestions of how to make it better. You've had some major life changes, so it'll take some getting used to. Keep your eye on the goal though - and apologies if anyone else has already mentioned this, but a few pot plants always soften a room and make it feel more cosy. Tealights are great for the darker evenings too, maybe some fairy lights...? [wanders off to place an order]

jay55 · 04/01/2024 11:17

It is really tough. I had to move into one after living alone when rent shot up.
Things that helped were new bedding and mattress topper.
Getting out to free stuff as much as I could, I'm not outgoing at all but made myself go. And also got a cinema pass which helped keep me out the house on weekends with a fixed cost.

Best of luck.

greglet · 04/01/2024 11:18

I lived in a house share for a couple of years after I broke up with my ex when I was 29. It was definitely an adjustment to go from living in a nice two bed flat to a room in a shared house, but I absolutely loved it - I felt like I found myself again!

I got on well with my two housemates although we weren't super close, and I went out a lot - seeing friends, to exercise classes and Spanish lessons - so I was rarely lonely. I met my now DH whilst I was living in that house share, which is another reason why I have such fond memories of it.

I know it's a big change but try to lean into it and use it as an opportunity to do the things you love without being beholden to anyone!

SEG152 · 04/01/2024 11:23

Give it some time, you’ve had a complete change up in your life and things need to settle.

make your room really nice and inviting so you feel happy being in there.

you could also make yourself a little dream
board/picture to remind yourself why you are there and that it is helping you reach your goal of owning your own property.

living so close to work is a great positive as it means you can walk there to get your steps in and is great for your mental health.

OneFrenchEgg · 04/01/2024 11:29

I think you've done really well to find this as the set up sounds ideal to save money towards your goal.
I'd spend the absolute minimum on myself/the room and stick to hygiene and functional. Can you do a spreadsheet of target savings so you feel like it's a plan?

Pinkdelight3 · 04/01/2024 11:32

Sounds good for that money and no real problems, just not what you're used to and obviously a period of adjustment after the break-up. I had to move into a skanky bedsit with a shared bathroom after a relationship broke up and tried to see it like I was going into a cocoon or submerging in a flotation tank for a while - like, this wasn't how my life was going to be, just a transitional phase, and I'd emerge from it on the next level. It wasn't always easy to be zen about it but that mindset definitely helped and in fact I ended up meeting my life partner before too long and eventually moved in with him (and still with him now 20 years later). So try to stay positive - and there sounds to be a lot of positives about your place. The en suite would be nice but then you'd have to pay the cost of that, and the rest of it all sounds very suitable for six months or so. Embrace the cocoon and here's to spreading your wings in future.