Moved into a houseshare, regret it

[Ireallywantacat]

I'm 33 and split with my partner a month ago, he's still in the flat we lived in and the tenancy on that ends next month.
He's staying there as he works nearby, but I work in another city so I decided it'd make sense to move there.
I've only just moved in, and I feel like I'll regret it already.
I would like to save to buy my own property, and tbh this is the only way I'll be able to save at a reasonable pace whilst having some semblance of a life, if I rent a whole flat on my own it'll take much longer.
This is costing me £450 a month including all bills, council tax, utilities etc. and I am taking home about £1850 net so it's very reasonable.
The room itself is on its own floor which is perfect as you don't have to worry about people right next door, and the house itself is very quiet. It's just other women too, I've met one who seems very nice.
It's a shared bathroom unfortunately, that's not the end of the world and I've shared with my family/ex partner so I don't know why it bothers me that much.
There is no living or dining room however. The walls need repainting a bit in my room so I'm going to ask if I can do that myself.
I don't know why I feel so down because I'm going to be saving a lot of money, and it's literally only whilst I save for a house. My parents said they'd help with some of the deposit which I'm grateful for, but I still want to save myself as much as I can towards it.
I shared a nice flat with my partner and I guess this will just take getting used to, it's been a while since I've lived in one. I'm wishing I at least got an ensuite, but I've signed for 6 months now.
The good thing is that it is only 5 minutes away from my office. It won't be some sort of student party house and it does seem incredibly quiet. I think once I get my TV etc. I'll feel a bit better too hopefully..
Don't know what I'm looking for, just any advice really or similar situations.

I would work on "it could be worse" for now and build up from there.

And as far as house shares go it sounds like it could be much worse - it sounds like you have landed a good one 👍

Also your own microwave? On the other hand, try not to hide away too much as you will probably be grateful for some kind of human contact with the sharers when you get to know them. When your more settled in why not suggest a video evening in your room with snacks, drinks etc?
I do known what it’s like though; A long time ago I moved out from a flat had shared with a DP about 80 miles away because it was near work into a house share. I was very lonely but I got out about to enjoy the new city and, within a few months, was able to join a group for my biggest interest which provided a lot of friendships, fun and things to do.
As PP have said, it doesn’t sound like the worst house share you could have. Keep your eyes on the prize of your own place!
All the best!

Oops - you’re (hate that typo coming up so much!)

Thank you! You've all made me feel so much better. You're right, it could be so much worse..
I went to view one which would have just been me as a lodger at this man's house, and he was creepy to say the least..
It will get better :)

You’re doing the right thing OP. You’ve got your eye on the prize ( your own flat) you know that this is going to get you there faster. So hang in there. Jazz it up as much as you can. Maybe investigate some local classes or something to get you out and about in the evenings? Do you have room for an armchair or sofa? Create little zones?

Just keep reminding yourself - this is short term and you’re working towards a brilliant goal!

You’re not being unreasonable at all in how you feel- you’ve been through a massive upheaval and I think it would be weird if you didn’t feel this way!

but remember, just because you feel this way currently it doesn’t mean you’ve made a mistake and the feelings will probably change as you get used to the situation and make your place feel more homely. Just try and treat yourself with patience and self compassion as you adjust to this. However you feel, at any given point, is valid and okay ❤️ and I’m sure it will get better as you settle in ❤️

Sending you a hug. Order a ‘sad’ light and spend a bit of money on the room to make it yours. Maybe also consider a membership at a nice gym/health club or an odeon pass to keep you busy in the evenings x

I’d definitely get a mini fridge, a kettle and maybe a microwave if it were me. Also some home comforts like a throw, cushions, if the rooms big enough maybe a cafe table and 2 chairs (maybe the sort that go outside, so you’ve got some outside furniture for whatever you buy). I’d buy myself a super arm chair that will look good in my new homes lounge or bedroom.

id cosy it up, hunk down and save like mad to be knowing I’m in a good place to buy asap. Good luck OP I hope your new life is perfect.

You've made a sensible decision OP. Here's to having your very own place in the near future!

I moved into a house share at 36 having broken up with my fiancé. There were some tough times, and like you I felt quite wobbly at the start and a bit like the rug had been pulled out from under me. But it enabled me to save a lot of money quickly, and I bought my own place a couple of years later. I'd never have managed it living in a flat on my own.

Can you lock your door? I wouldn't be spending any money on things for the room - you want to be saving so you can move into your own place asap. I think some posters here have rather quaint and genteel ideas about house sharing.

If room is big you could make a little diner space in corner with a folding table and chair perhaps a screen to section the room

I feel for you, OP, I think it can be very hard to feel like you’re taking a step backwards when a relationship breaks up. My best friend moved into a houseshare when her marriage ended and, while she found it hard, it wasn’t for long and she made some lifelong friends.

Try and throw yourself into something fun like a new hobby, especially one that gets you out of the house, and the time will go faster.

Well done on getting out of a dead relationship. That took guts so many just stay as they perceive they have no where to go.
This is transitional you're no staying you have a plan you will gey your own place. I rented and moved about for years. Finally buying my own home it was amazing and I never ever take it for granted.

When you Finally get your own place it will be amazing

It is a means to an end and it has lots of positives. Room on its own floor, 5 minutes from the office, in a nice area. Once you get to know the other tenants there is someone to have a chat or a drink with after work and they will have friends. So it is a chance to meet new people. January is always a hard time and you are getting over a break up.

I was with someone for most of my 20s and then spent my early 30s in various houseshares. Didn’t love it, but I was also saving up to buy my own place. It definitely felt like a step backwards but then sometimes you need to do that in order to move forwards. Then I met DH and life took a completely different course (been together 10 years and have 3 DC). Be kind to yourself while you adjust to a different future than you thought, this is just a stepping stone.

If you’re parents have offered you help then 100% accept it. When I inherited some money I literally begged my then 32 year old DS to let me help him get his own place as he was so unhappy in his houseshare.
Save what you can over the next 5 months and accept their help.

If you've not even got a tv yet no wonder it's not feeling like home (tv not the eotw I know but all homes have one and for background noise etc it's good).

Op be clever with space. Have the tv on the wall and if it will fit a really comfy lounging chair.

If it's fits a small table/ chair or fold flat ones. Get a bed with storage space underneath.

Shelves on the walls and or cabinets.
A large mirror on a wall can make the space feel better.

If you can have a day section / night section that may help but not sure how much space there is- if lots you can always use a tall storage unit as a divider or clothes on a mobile hanging rail.

I think you'll be ok, it's great to have your own floor. Keep thinking of the positives and the freedom of your own space.

Get yourself on Pinterest and make the room as nice as possible. I lived in Japan and Hong kong for a short period and they really make the most out of the space they have.

Once the weather is nicer then get out as much as possible. Is there anything you've always wanted to do? I am planning on joining a running club this year for example, it doesnt cost much but gets me out and meeting new people. Take a book and get a coffee, meet friends for a picnic...there's loads of cheap things you can do.

OP do you like going to the cinema and is there one near you? If so it may be worth getting a cinema pass and going a couple of evenings a week as a bit of escapism.

Could it just be the change that’s affecting you? You might be fine after a few weeks or so?

Im a married house owner now but feel very nostalgic for my days of single freedom.

It would be good to set up regular activities with friends or where you can meet new people. That way you won't be spending much of your time at home.

Have you set any goals for 2024?
I like to divide my life into different categories eg work/health/skills/hobbies/friendship/family etc and set a few goals or intentions for each category.

You'll save up so much money. Work out how much you need to buy. Calculate how long this will take you, and have a countdown (in days) up in your room. Change it every day, you'll be surprised at how much that helps.

Totally understandable but try and focus on the bigger picture, which is saving for your own place. My sister and her husband had to do this exact same set up as a married couple in order to save for a property. They hated that kind of living but it was a means to an end and they saved enough for a deposit and bought a place.