Moved into a houseshare, regret it

[Ireallywantacat]

I'm 33 and split with my partner a month ago, he's still in the flat we lived in and the tenancy on that ends next month.
He's staying there as he works nearby, but I work in another city so I decided it'd make sense to move there.
I've only just moved in, and I feel like I'll regret it already.
I would like to save to buy my own property, and tbh this is the only way I'll be able to save at a reasonable pace whilst having some semblance of a life, if I rent a whole flat on my own it'll take much longer.
This is costing me £450 a month including all bills, council tax, utilities etc. and I am taking home about £1850 net so it's very reasonable.
The room itself is on its own floor which is perfect as you don't have to worry about people right next door, and the house itself is very quiet. It's just other women too, I've met one who seems very nice.
It's a shared bathroom unfortunately, that's not the end of the world and I've shared with my family/ex partner so I don't know why it bothers me that much.
There is no living or dining room however. The walls need repainting a bit in my room so I'm going to ask if I can do that myself.
I don't know why I feel so down because I'm going to be saving a lot of money, and it's literally only whilst I save for a house. My parents said they'd help with some of the deposit which I'm grateful for, but I still want to save myself as much as I can towards it.
I shared a nice flat with my partner and I guess this will just take getting used to, it's been a while since I've lived in one. I'm wishing I at least got an ensuite, but I've signed for 6 months now.
The good thing is that it is only 5 minutes away from my office. It won't be some sort of student party house and it does seem incredibly quiet. I think once I get my TV etc. I'll feel a bit better too hopefully..
Don't know what I'm looking for, just any advice really or similar situations.

OP, @Ireallywantacat if you want to drop me a message I am in the exact same position at 29- and was crying about it today at my grandparents kitchen table.

Recently split from a partner, living in a bedroom room with no living room too! Feeling very lost and out of sorts. I bring home around 1900, but mine is more expensive than yours at nearly 700.

I sometimes just feel like I thought my life would be so different at 29 than it is now but I know it’s not forever- and the ability to save is going to have so much impact. Just think of it as a place to eat and catch up on tv and sleep rather than your “home”. That always makes me feel better- I know it’s temporary.

Agree with others house sharing is tough… definitely set up the top of a spare chest of drawers with a mini fridge and a kettle (a bit like a hotel 😂) means you can make a cuppa and drink it in bed if you don’t want to go downstairs to the shared kitchen all the time. Especially for the first few weeks when I was sharing and a bit shy this helped me massively!

TV set up makes a big difference too making your room feel more homey… if it’s a decent size room can you get a small sofa or chair to create a sort of sitting - room area separate from your bed?

I used to find one evening a week I had the place to myself and do a bit of batch cooking, then on nights I couldn’t be bothered I could microwave something and take up to my room.

The housemates sound ideal for the circumstances - hopefully polite and friendly without being intrusive, the kind you can have a brief chat with but don’t feel you need to hang around constantly.

Treat yourself to some nice new bedding that you didn’t use with ex, a posh candle and cosy PJ’s. It’s not going to be easy, but you’ve got this! It will be SO WORTH IT. Was in your position a few years ago, moved from a big room in a house share when I bought a tiny one bed flat - but it was mine and it felt great. Met DP a couple years later.

Get a pin board and start pinning up what your future will be. Nice furniture/house/car/holidays and pin up your savings each month. Visualising what you are working for may help? Make the place snuggly and your haven. Fake plants/cuddly toys/nice pictures and the best quilt sets and blankets. Tv etc to make it your home. It took about 4 years for my entire house to feel like a home. Give yourself grace x

Is it furnished Op?.
Can you surround yourself with lovely things .buy some flowers..lamps ..make it cosy.A nice throw for the bed perhaps. As it's a big room could you zone it out a little.
You making great savings towards your deposit so you could afford a treat or two for the flat that you can take to your next place.
Remember it's only for 6 months..

I think it's just the change from living in a flat with more space to a single albeit spacious room. Ask if you can repaint it. I would imagine LL will say yes and probably pay for the paint. Get the mini fridge. If your room is cold get a little plug in oil heater. Once you've got a few pictures and photos up you'll feel better. It just takes a bit of getting used to. Try to see if any other housemates want to go to the cinema or have a takeaway every now and then. One of my nieces has a room in a house after her relationship of 6 years broke down and she goes to a gym 3 or 4 times a week at 7am with one of her housemates and there are 4 in the house and they share a takeaway once a week. They have a back yard they can dry laundry on a washing line and if she's got washing out and it rains one of the others picks it in for her. They have a dining table in the kitchen so they can eat together if they want to. She's very thankful the others in her house keep communal areas clean and tidy. They share milk too taking it in turns to buy a large carton. You will soon be able to save a deposit and hopefully mortgage rates will come down so next year could be a good time to buy.

Going against the grain here - if there's no shared living room, is the kitchen large enough for socializing and is it set up for that? Once you've got to know the other housemates better, maybe ask about setting up a table in there if there's room. Maybe somebody's even interested in sharing meals occasionally?

Honestly thank you so much, I was having a bit of a wobble before but you have all been amazing. I'm feeling a lot more positive, and I will enjoy the peace and quiet of being here!

Right now the idea of my own room sounds great but I totally get where you're coming from.
Some great ideas here to use some of your cash to make it cosy and buy things you'll take to your flat.
Nice bedding and rug and definitely one of those clever tables that fold down from wall and a folding chair for eating at if space and an armchair of possible. I'd go armchair and tv stand though if space tight as you can curl up in a nice chair and get cosy. WhatsApp group is a great idea for practical stuff and you can get a take out planned as suggested.
You're in a great financial position to be able to save save save but not be totally skint. Embrace it and you'll have a deposit in no time

If you have a much shorter commute, is there any chance of picking up evening work? Will help save your money so you can move out sooner, and you’ll be too busy to wallow in negative feelings.

All the best.

I think you just need time. You’re still sort of ‘grieving’ your former ‘life’.

Going back to living with others after you have been in your own home set up must be brutal

Join a gym/ a bookclub/ running club/ choir...wherever your interests lie. Can you meet a coworker for tea/ drinks one evening a week? I would keep busy outside the room a few evenings a week.

Don't forget a few nice plants OP - they add ambiance and are good for you!

I have felt this in a lot of house shares, it just doesn't feel like YOUR home.

There are alot of different emotions, and when you have settled in and carved yourself out a space it will be better. One day at a time.

Its probably more this time of year and the fact you're going through a break up.

I've lived in a house share when I moved to do a course for 1 year. I actually enjoyed it after fist couple weeks of feeling a little isolated. The other 3 people were also professionals, we sometimes had the odd 'get together' in the living room with wine and a catch up about work etc but largely kept to ourselves as everyone's work hours were different. We just drew up a schedule of the hours that suited everyone for cooking and the bathroom in the morning for the people who shared (2 had en suites so I only shared mine with 1 person).

Take this time to revisit any things you may have stopped doing. Read that book you didn't finish, go to that coffee shop or bar you always wanted to try save lots of series on netflix etc to watch over the coming weeks, see if there is a gym/class nearby you can go to a couple times a week.

You will get through this. Its a massive change leaving a relationship and then topping it off with a new very alien way of living. But you'll get through it. January is a shit month as it is!

Ooh also treat yourself to some nice new bedding and accessories, candles etc. It always feel nicer with new sheets and throw pillows etc. I pretty much made my room into a spa experience the whole year I was there 😊

A lot of great suggestions on this thread about how to settle in better and make the place feel more cosy!

I just wanted to say I think you’re very brave, so many people plod along in relationships that aren’t working especially in their 30s because they don’t want to go “backwards” in terms of living situation, finances etc but I think in the long term this isn’t a step backwards it’s a step forward into forging the future you really want.

A bit of topic but I do find it a shame that we now live in a country/world where it’s hard as a single person to live alone due to rising rent /bills etc . I don’t think the options for a single person hoping to buy a house , especially in their 30s, should be flatshare or living with parents or forever pay rent.

But on a more positive note it sounds like you’ve landed on your feet with your flatshare.

OP - feel free to post a pic of the room if you'd like some collective suggestions on how to make it a really cosy, lovely space for you x

You've got a great objective to work towards, this won't be forever!

Whenever I need motivation to keep my eye on the end goal I sing along to this song and instantly feel stronger and more positive. (Ignore the one line that says, "Won't stop until I make you mine" and it can be about anything.)

I remember my friend moving into a house share her early 30s - same reasons. Like you, she moved into a huge room of a Victorian house. She sectioned it off so had a 'kitchen area - microwave, kettle'. She also got a little sofa bed that she put In front of the TV and she could make a kind of living room vibe and didn't feel like she was doing everything from the bed. A few of us used to hang out there as it was so cosy and fun. She lived there for about 18 months and she was sad to leave in the end but she got her flat deposit.

I know you are trying to save money but as you have signed for 6 months maybe spend the first month on extras making it livable. Look for bargains on gum tree and market place.

I was in exactly the same situation as you at your age. I hated it because I was so unhappy after my relationship ended I really didn't want to see anyone. So I ended up moving into a studio flat on my own. Could you do that?

If you’re in a city, perhaps see if you can advertise yourself as a housesitter or similar? You’ll get time away from the flatshare and even bring in more money.

Doesn't sound bad at all to be honest. Break ups and moving is hard. Change is hard. But you'll settle in I'm sure. You never know you might enjoy it.

Awww it will be a bit of a reality check at first especially at this time of year it's miserable enough as it is with a relationship split and the weather.
Try to just focus on the money you are saving and the time with the shorter commute.
It's not just the house share you are adjusting to it's a lot of changes. Try and listen to some inspirational podcasts, read more if you are a reader etc. get out more if you can, be kind to yourself. Keep your own cleaning caddy for the bathroom etc so you can clean it to your standards to use.
Good luck I hope it works for you and you can move forward. Onwards and upwards.x

You may end up enjoying it if you make friends with the other two. I understand why you are feeling down, it's a big change and it promises feels a bit depressing, but it will be worth it in the end and you make even enjoy it (it also doesn't sound too bad!). It may give you an opportunity to meet other people tpp through your housemates