To want to go to medical school at 37?

[MilanHilton]

I’m 37, married with two nursery aged children. Husband and I both earn £45k each so we live comfortably but not well off.

My medical care when I was pregnant was atrocious and the NHS was negligent (they admitted it). Which really got me thinking… I want to be a doctor that LISTENS to women so that what happened to me won’t happen to another lady.

I know I’m old, and coming from a non science background I’ll have to do 6 years in medical school and then extra training to be an OBGYN. Looking at the junior doctor pay bands it is going to take me years to get back to my current salary. Not to mention needing to do shift work and the stress of it all.

Financially it will be a tight decade and by the time I finish uni, the kids will be towards the end of primary so hopefully life will be easier. I’ll be mid 40s when I finish medical school so will still have another 20 years of working still.

AIBU for considering putting my young family through a decade of financial and emotional stress with the hope that I’ll earn more in the future? Is it worth the stress?

AINBU - go be a doctor! You’ll save lives (sometimes)
AIBU - that’s too much work and financial turmoil, even if you become a doctor you’re not going to address the chronic lack of resource in NHS

Sadly, you are unlikely to get on the Medicine course. Medicine places are hugely over subscribed. If you are really passionate about this then I would always say try but be realistic.

Fully agree. Do you think you’ll be the only one to ever have empathy? Do you think you’d be the first doctor to ever have given birth?
I don’t mean to sound rude but you sound incredibly naive.

There isn’t a single dr or health care professional who doesn’t want to listen to patients! This comment alone makes me think you really don’t appreciate the demands of working in the nhs.

It’s the patients who make HCP what we are.

When we meet a nice dr do you what we say? “They’ll change”

Do it..i changed career at 40 did 5 years training, people will be jealous and say dont do it but yes do it

MilanHilton

rochethenut I’ve clearly offended you in some way as your responses are terribly rude

Tbf, I thought rtn's responses sounded much more irritated than rude.
Your OP combined a very unrealistic view of medical training (both pre- and post-graduate) and the even more unrealistic view that you (with your "empathy" mentioned in another post) were going to stop the experience you had happening to another lady.

notmorezoom at 09:18 (quoted a few posts above so I won't quote the whole thing again) put it more tactfully perhaps.

But if your skin is thin enough to find those posts rude, it's probably too thin to cope with some of the things patients will say/do to you as well (and some will be unpleasant - they're part of the general population) and are quite capable of telling you what to do with your empathy, I'm afraid.

I was referring to the many med students who don't complete due to the overwhelming pressure causing MH issues, sexual/racist harassment, illness, insoluble problems at home such as childcare or bereavement, @CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau. Just because you describe yourself as oversensitive, it doesn't erase all those other barriers.

Sandy8765

What will they be "jealous" of?

Yes, and you don’t know how many of those I had to deal with and how much bullying I’ve suffered in the intervening decade, please can we not turn this thread into a fight about me, it’s about OP. And I’m allowed to insult myself btw. Doesn’t mean people don’t leave for perfectly valid reasons all the time.

Band 6 midwife after 5 years is 42.5k basic. With shift allowance you can easily add another 10k on this. Even after 2 years you’re on over 37k plus shift allowance. And at least you don’t have to up sticks and move around the country every year!

Given your non science background I probably wouldn’t. Instead I’d consider nursing or midwifery.

I bet your doctor would love to have been able to give you the care you wanted and needed. It's the system not the individuals that is the problem. I have a friend who trained in her 30s when the kids were young. She had to live away from her family for about 3 years and commute weekly/fortnightly depending on shifts. You can be assigned a role a long way from home while training, with no option to request one near home. The regions are large so you can be in the same region but with shift work, much too far to commute each day. I'd do midwifery in your position if you want a medical career where you listen to and support women.

OP you’ve had enough of a piling on so I won’t add to it.

From personal experience I was rejected from med school at 18. I contemplated giving it another shot both at the end of my undergrad and at the end of my PhD as well, by which time my friends who were doctors were already making plans to leave. So I can understand the motivation and it wasn’t easy to say ‘as much as I want to do this, the other aspects of the job make it not worth it.’

Frankly I’ve always suspected that the reason we have entry from school (unlike in the states where everyone is a graduate) is so that we can trap enough idealistic people at 18 who can’t fully conceive of the downsides (it’s easy to say you’re ok with moving all over the country or ‘not doing it for the money’ when you don’t have a partner and a mortgage) and they pay barely more than UK averages so that people still think it’s a good wage. The only reason to go into it now is if you are already wealthy and have parents from a culture where it’s still seen as prestigious.

You can be as motivated and as enthusiastic as you like; there’s limited impact you can have in a system like that, so I think it may be better to work out where to take your energy and enthusiasm and make a difference that way.

I think you would be nuts to go into the medical profession on some kind of fantasy of what a lovely doctor you would be. Do you have anything at all that gives you a more solid basis that you would actually:
A) Be capable of the training and the job (it isn't just hard for the number of years training its the content too which is extremely complicated)
B) Enjoy it

And if it doesn't work out I doubt you would be able to just drop back into the same level of role you are in now.

Husband and I both earn £45k each so we live comfortably but not well off.

^^ Sorry but I stopped reading at this bit. A combined salary of £90,000 not well off?

Why don’t you become a midwife?

My sister started her nursing training at 40. She was married with three young children. Previously worked in an office.

15 years later she’s a Matron!

You CAN do it!

Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t!

Good luck!!

I had the same feelings after having DS and went along to a university open day on midwifery. Ultimately, I decided the study, work placements and eventual career would be too disruptive for my family and didn't pursue it. I do work in medtech now though and always make a point of throwing questions about women and children into R&D projects to ensure their needs are thoroughly considered.

(Edited to correct a typo)

Go for it. I have a friend that did it. She was 34, had 3 children and was recovering after breast cancer. She is now a gyn in a very good teaching hospital. Her husband took a second job to support the family. Spain, so 6 years degree plus 1 year preparing MIR exam (7 years with no income at all) plus 3 years residency (average salary, plenty of night shifts) so 10 years to go back to a decent salary (was previously a qualified accountant on a great salary).

I love the idea of people taking up ambitious professional challenges.
However, do bear in mind that, as a junior doctor, you could be sent to the back of beyond for a while.
Oh, and have you anywhere near the grades/experience to get in?

I considered going back to uni to do a healthcare professionals - GP degree (4 years part time) about 5 years ago but in the end I decided the travel / studying / cost /turmoil just wouldn’t be worth it.
is you husband supportive? I think that has to be a major factor.

I haven't RTFT but feel free to PM me. I'm a mum of 3, older than you, and just about to start my second semester of medical school.

It's been far far harder than I'd expected (and I knew it would be hard) but I have mainly enjoyed it. I don't have science A levels or degree, although lots of NHS and overseas healthcare experience and health-related qualifications. There are only 4 medical schools that take previous graduates without science qualifications btw (other routes are Access to Medicine course and then either 6 year Foundation programmes or take Bio and Chem A levels as a private candidate).

Important things to bear in mind...the entrance exams are difficult and extremely extremely competitive. The most common are UCAT (more logic, abstract/verbal reasoning and maths based) or GAMSAT for graduate entry 4 year courses (largely science based). You have to take the exams a year before application... you'd take UCAT in summer 2024 now and apply October 2024 to start Sept/October 2025. You need a score in top 1-5% of candidates and it's very common to take them several times before getting a place.

I think a few people have mentioned you can't get tuition fee loans as a graduate so you'll need £9250 per year for fees. You can get a maintenance loan but it's income assessed so if you're married/partnered, your partner's income is included and reduces the amount considerably. Household income also assessed for any childcare grants and no longer eligible for tax free childcare or funded hours as not technically working even though on a vocational course with placements. My older kids are primary school aged but I also have a toddler and get zero assistance with nursery fees now. It's very hard financially as I have to travel into nearest city as well, I don't have the luxury of moving my whole family there, changing schools etc.

I have a really strong support network with my husband and parents but it's still been very very hard on all of us. I have 4 more years to go (if I pass everything and don't have to repeat years, which is also common), then at least 2 foundation years - I'd prefer to work less than full time so may be longer - before even attempting specialty training. Programmes like OBGYN are very competitive and oversubscribed so no guarantees there at all.

Why am I doing it? It's been a dream since my early twenties but I put it off for a thousand different reasons. I was lucky enough to get a place and decided I had to try. But I do feel like I'm mad, stretched very thin, tired and stressed and I'm only 1 semester in! If I was starting from scratch now and knowing what I know now, I wouldn't do it. In your shoes and with your aim of supporting women and babies, it wouldn't be the career I would choose. Midwives or doulas are far more involved and hands on in that regard. OBs do not have the freedom or culture to do as they please and be woman-led in the truest sense of the word. You're more realistically looking at 15 years+ before you'd be anywhere close to your aim. Sorry to be negative but trying to be truthful.

You only live once, go for it! Lots of things are difficult, but that’s a sign it’s worth fighting for.

Which subjects are your A Levels in, OP? Do you have a degree already?

I'm wondering whether applying for Midwifery would be the better choice for you.

Because of your bad experience you think there are no doctors who listen to women? 🙄

Well done Hermione - that's huge determination from you. Best of luck!