To want to go to medical school at 37?

[MilanHilton]

I’m 37, married with two nursery aged children. Husband and I both earn £45k each so we live comfortably but not well off.

My medical care when I was pregnant was atrocious and the NHS was negligent (they admitted it). Which really got me thinking… I want to be a doctor that LISTENS to women so that what happened to me won’t happen to another lady.

I know I’m old, and coming from a non science background I’ll have to do 6 years in medical school and then extra training to be an OBGYN. Looking at the junior doctor pay bands it is going to take me years to get back to my current salary. Not to mention needing to do shift work and the stress of it all.

Financially it will be a tight decade and by the time I finish uni, the kids will be towards the end of primary so hopefully life will be easier. I’ll be mid 40s when I finish medical school so will still have another 20 years of working still.

AIBU for considering putting my young family through a decade of financial and emotional stress with the hope that I’ll earn more in the future? Is it worth the stress?

AINBU - go be a doctor! You’ll save lives (sometimes)
AIBU - that’s too much work and financial turmoil, even if you become a doctor you’re not going to address the chronic lack of resource in NHS

I’ve unfortunately been in hospital a lot and had two babies as well (high risk so saw a lot of doctors). In my experience, the vast majority of doctors listen, are lovely and truly wish to do their best within the constraints of the system. Not the point of the thread but doctors are underpaid, overworked and in my experience just trying to do the best for patients.

When I was 23, I took a graduate position at a bank and earned significantly more than my friends who were junior doctors. That can’t be right.

In answer to your question, I think you would be bonkers to do it. Although, it’s nice you want to help people.

I married a young idealistic doctor.

After 15 years in the NHS they are very cynical. It is shift after shift of quick decisions and high pressure. Lots of egotistical colleagues and I think with OBGYN you would have to go the surgical route and it is very competitive and dominated by men.

They trained with a very idealistic medic who took time with patients. She is no longer a doctor as she couldn't get a specialist training post as she was seen as slow and a liability in shift.

It's not what you think it is.

Did you start medical school aged 40? Because if not then your experience isn't relevant to the OP's question.

Best way to help is to join your local labour party and go doorstepping. Honestly.

(tell me that you haven't read any of the previous answers, without actually saying that you haven't read any of the previous answers)

🙄

Can you summarise how the Labour Party will boost the NHS and where it will fund it from?

If it something you are inteteresed in I would look to working in some sort of related field.

I think you would end up with a very miserable home life and children that resent you. If you spend the next 10/15 years studying and not earning a lot.

Far less important career, but I'm an accountant. A guy I worked with came to it when he was about 40 with 2 young kids. The salary of a trainee accountant was very difficult but he said needing to study most evening was harder. He quit and became a book-keeper when he had enough exams. Got a good job in industry last time I spoke to him. He always has the option to finish out maybe at a slower pace. But I know he said the work/life balance of intense study with small kids was too much

Went to med school at 24 as graduate, had kids while training. There were people up to early 40s in med school with me. The older women were all childless, the older men had wives backing them up.

honestly, it would be super tough and stressful but not impossible. Through med school and training you would be working shifts and moving around - potentially needing to live away from home.

have you considered training as a physician associate? Uni is 3 years post grad, they are employed by a single hospital so don’t move around and are paid more than doctors!

If you want to work in NHS, I would seriously look at a PA role.

No, I can't. But I can tell you that the Tories have been deliberately running the NHS into the ground.

Thing is, even if you do decide to go against all the advice here (which I echo, having a junior doctor daughter) and apply, you probably won't get a place. At least 65% of applicants are turned down and as a very much older applicant the odds are stacked against you. You'd be better looking into a career in medicine that doesn't involve being a doctor.

OP, would it help you to ask the relevant Admissions Tutor at your nearest Medical School whether you could visit to discuss what you have in mind?

It might be that you would decide afterwards that it wasn't the right direction for you after all, but you would know that you had explored all avenues as part of your research and could begin looking for something different with a clear mind.

Clearly I’ve pissed a few people off. I’ve never said that all HCP are cold hearted people who don’t listen or are empathetic. But I’m saying I think my experience of having experienced negligence (primarily because my own doctors didn’t listen) will make me more likely to listen to my (imaginary) patients.

First example, I googled my symptoms with my doctor and asked him if that’s what’s wrong with me, he said no. Two days later massive panic because Google was right and they’ve left it for two days so it was life threatening at the end.

Second example, I had all the risk factors and symptoms for PE, was dismissed as ‘just one of those pregnant things’. A week later I sought another medical opinion, turns out I had PE and could’ve died if I just listened to my first doctor.

So that’s nearly dying twice because two separate doctors ignored my symptoms and my point blank questions. Obviously I’ve had some brilliant doctors, nurses, midwives and HCA as well taking care of me, otherwise I won’t be here posting. Am I wrong for saying I want to be those who listened and were empathetic? Rather than those who didn’t and nearly killed me?

I think at the end of the day, this is a difficult career for the very bright and dedicated. You guys have given me some perspectives I haven’t thought about before.

Let’s face it, quite a few of you have painted a very grim picture (and I’ve also read the Adam Kay books). It is clear that it’s the system creating all the over stressed HCP who have no time for their patients, making mistakes with deadly consequences. Little old me wanting to be a doctor is not going to make an ounce of difference to the system, but I had hoped that perhaps my experience with negligence can help. Clearly I’m just a lazy patronising person. You guys are right, I’m too thinned skin for this

This & hats off for being so caring 😊

It's a lovely Idea OP but the reality is it's nor doable. Especially with kids.

I think we have all momentarily thought about it after having a baby!

You say you want to be a doctor that listens but I think you are making a big assumption that everyone is nice and reasonable like you. What you will find is that a large majority of people are thoroughly entitled and of the belief that the doctor works for them and should do as they demand. I am a GP and this morning I have seen 6 people with viral illnesses, all of whom expected antibiotics. When I explained they were not needed, two people left happily, 2 huffed out the room, 1 shouted at me and the other said I would be responsible for his impending death from sepsis and his family would ensure I lost my licence to practice if this happened. Unfortunately this is not an untypical day and from speaking to hospital colleagues I don’t think it’s much better there.

If you do decide to become a doctor get a job as a pathologist I say, because people are horrible.

From a burnt out, fed-up GP.

I am an emergency medicine consultant. Every day I go to work with the intention of making people’s lives better. And every day I am forced to do the bare minimum in a system that blocks it at every turn. The moral injury is huge, and there are periods where my resilience takes a big knock because of it.
Many people will stop trying and become cynical to protect themselves. And understandably so.
I think if this is something you truly truly want to do then I’d never advise against it. And I’d never leave my job. Despite it all I do love it. I went into medicine in my late 20s out of a career I loathed. I don’t regret it.

But I think it’s really important that you realise that the majority of the negligence in the nhs is nothing to do with the staff on their own, rather it’s what’s become of them working in a toxic, underfunded, increasingly challenging, decreasingly rewarding environment.

You need to look closely not just at the first years of medical school, but how doctors are treated and paid during training programmes (this is how to get from f2 to consultant. It’s probably worse than you realise. And having done it while raising my kids it was really hard. It is possible to work without training to consultant. There are pros and cons here too.

I’m happy to be PMd if you think I can help.

Haven’t read the full thread but I’m a third year med student at 49. Please feel free to pm me!

A friend of mine started when she was 32 as she came into some money (no SF second time around). She had 1 dc aged 8 and her DH took on all duties during term time. As a parent she got the choice to stay fairly locally for rotations and some other considerations. She's SHO now and said if she had her time again she'd do physio or OT. Money is better, 9-5 working and progression can be fast.

Can you summarise how the Labour Party will boost the NHS and where it will fund it from?

No, because they probably won't, @Namechange4448830938489. Just look at Wes Streeting's statements and links to private healthcare.
But the Conservatives have brought it to crisis point. The NHS was definitely healthier under the last Labour government.

I'm 28 years old, so a little younger but not by much. I am in my second year of a four year Open university degree in Biology, once I finish that I'll be 31, then starting my Masters for a year in Molecular Neuroscience followed by 3-4 years in a PhD and then finally I'll be fully qualified. I have a 10 year old step daughter and a nearly 4 year old son who is currently going through austism assessments - the doing it side of it will be fine if you have the motivation, the finances would be something to consider and may be a case of cutting back etc if you're able to alongside a maintenance loan (would only be done on what your income would be while studying, not your husbands I believe but I may be wrong - I don't qualify for a maintenance loan through Open University). If this is where your passion lies there will be ways to make it happen. Best of luck to you :)

FWIW OP, I don’t think you’re patronising and thin-skinned. I think it doesn’t matter how amazing you are, the system is thankless and will eat anyone alive. The rewards are probably not worth it. When the cost is so high, it may be worth thinking of another avenue for your talents.

As I mentioned in my previous comment, I was rejected from med school and I really think I dodged a bullet there because my life is objectively much better and I am wealthier than had I become a doctor, no question. I did work experience with a consultant and at the end of the clinic he looked me in the eyes and said ‘if I were you I wouldn’t do this to yourself. There are better uses in the world for intellect and talent than this job’. I didn’t understand him at the time because I was so blinded by the idea that if I was just tough and smart enough, I could do it and make a difference and enjoy it. It takes some maturity to realise that’s maybe not true.

No I wouldn't. Think of all the time and money that would be depleted from the family. My friends sons a surgeon, he is rarely ever home. He advised the rest of his family not to do it. He's always tired and has to be flexible. You don't have to be a doctor to help women, there's other roles. Midwife, part time advocate for a women's charity etc.

I don't see how this can work. Being aged 37 isn't necessarily a no-no, but here it's a combination of age, parenting responsibilities [in terms of time and money], and lack of background.

My friend switched from banking to med school at 30 as it had always been her dream. She’s very happy with the actual work and finds it extremely interesting but there were some big drawbacks she is suffering massively from

1. when you start your training you will be much older than your peers and it will be lonely as the rest of them will very much be like an episode of greys anatomy
2. the hours are beyond nuts . I’m not sure how people sort that out with a family in the mix
3. it’s v tiring work especially at junior level
4. you have to compete for placements and you are likely to be sent to someplace you didn’t pick and I’m not sure what that means for your family. Can they relocate? You surely can’t leave them
5. some specialities are very competitive. She struggled to get into paeds and ye she experienced age bias

I think you've got the message that it's not a good idea, OP.

Many, many people have bad experiences with the NHS (although of course many people have good experiences). I don't think having a bad experience with the NHS is in anyway some sort of indication that you could or should become a doctor so you can do it better.

It seems a very naive way of looking at it, and I think that's why you've had some harsh responses.

The thing that stuck out the most to me though is that you haven't stated what background / qualifications you have, other than not from a science background.

You almost seem unaware of how academically strong medical students have to be. Very few people can do it. You really do have to be the cream of the crop. I think it's annoyed people that you seem to assume you're capable of achieving this.