To think this is not a 4 year old's fault? (Shoe size)

[ShoePalaver]

Went to the shoe shop a few weeks ago with my husband and children aged 2 and 4. They each had their feet measured, had grown by half a size since last time, selected a pair of shoes each from ones brought to us by the assistant, the fit was checked by the shop assistant, we paid for the shoes and went on our way.

Now my older child is saying her shoes are too small, I've checked the receipt and the shoes and they are 7.5 instead of 8.5 that we were told in the shop, so a whole size smaller. That is pretty annoying as what's the point of having the shop check the fit - it's a farce clearly, although obviously mistakes can be made. We probably should have checked the size ourselves although assumed the fact they the assistant said they fitted meant they were the right size! Won't bother having shoes fitted again that's for sure.

Anyway coming to my aibu now. I told my husband about this saying I would return to shop and complain, and the first thing he did was go and tell off my 4 year for not saying that the shoes were too small when we were in the shop. I intervened saying it's hardly her fault, it could be our fault or the shop's but not a 4 year old's. He responded saying well she's got to learn somehow and stomped off to the shed and is now in a mood with me for interfering in his parenting. Wondering if I am going mad now.

Yabu - 4 year old child should say if shoes don't fit even though shop lady says they are fine

Yanbu - shop and parents take responsibility for checking correct size of shoes for 4 year-old child

If it’s Clarks then they’ll replace them. But no, 4 year olds are not old enough to understand what a good fit is.

Your husband is a dickhead. He’s taking the inconvenience out on a tiny child.

No clearly not a 4yo fault! It's the shop's mistake. They told you it was a certain size and you had no reason not to believe them. Mistakes happen and i hope they make it right for you (and your H apologies to your 4yo).

Ffs. That was really mean. Sometimes now at 36 I buy the wrong size. Cruel to blame that on a child.

Not necessarily. They changed policies. Tough cookies at our local branch.

But no, 4 year olds are not old enough to understand what a good fit is

This is exactly it. Shes 4!!!

The little girl is surrounded by adults in a shop and her mind will be on dollies not on whether the ankle bit rubs or she's worried about her instep being too high! 🙄 I imagine her thoughts were in getting back home to play with her dollies.

I am guessing the assistant measured correctly but brought out the incorrect box size which wasn't checked at the point of sale.

Your husband is just plain nasty to tell the child off.

Buy the kid some steel toe caps and if daddy is vile to her again she can boot him up the jacksy which he thoroughly deserves.

Is he always so nasty to your children?

You can't rely upon a 4 year old to tell you the sky is blue, never mind whether their shoes fit or have growing room inside; if they like their shoes, they'll scream until their blue in the face that they still fit, even if it would require the amputation of their toes to get their feet in, and if they don't, they could be handmade by elves riding in on unicorns, they'll insist they're too small and limp and hobble like sulky lions with thorns in their paws.

As an adult shoes that feel okay in a shop often are uncomfortable once I start wearing them properly. So if I make that mistake from time to time not sure how a 4 year old is meant to know.

And if the fit was checked by an assistant that's terrible and down to them.

So he wants the four year old to act above their age while he acts like a sulking toddler?

"Won't bother having shoes fitted again that's for sure."

This makes about as much sense as your husband. You're both over-reacting.

This is what I thought to be honest. Not the first such incident. I think there must be something wrong with him as he always blames the children. A couple of weeks ago the 2 year old ran into the road when out with him (he doesn't take them out on his own that often) and he came back annoyed with me for not teaching the 2 year old road safety. I mean I do try to teach her but I think you just have to constantly watch them near roads and can't rely on a 2 year old 100% however well trained...

He's being ridiculous! She's 4 - shoes can feel OK in a shop for a minute or two but then feel very different after.

She may also not recognise a part that is a bit tight/rubbing in a shop.

Just take them back and hopefully they will exchange - they did for my son at Clarks about 18 months ago- got the shoes home and they just didn't fit him right.

Well what's the point if they can't tell if a shoe is a whole size too small?

Your husband sounds awful amd unreasonable tbh. Either that or he's too dim to realise what a 4 year-old is and isn't capable of.

he obviously just has no idea what is a normal thing for certain age groups, even my 5 year old wouldn't know if a shoe is a good fit.

The essence of good parenting is to make quite sure that you know what a child is capable of doing/understanding at different ages. So much grief is caused to both children and parents by these basic misunderstandings. Parents who have unreasonable expectations of their children are bad parents. Parents like this are miserable and angry because they are always frustrated.

You need to have a word in your OH's ear....

Did you buy the actual shoes that she tried on or did they go and get a different pair from the back? Whatever they did, it's not the child's fault, the fitter should have been able to tell they were too small.

And your husband needs a very urgent lesson on how to keep his kids safe.

When you next buy kids shoes , draw around their feet on a piece of paper and take it with you, measure it up against the shoe.

Children are very susceptible to being agreeable, just saying yes even if something’s not ok, to please adults.

The shop made the mistake, just take them back!

What a twat he is. Does he have any good points?

Oh and now he's a twat too lol 🤣

I don't have kids but I did work in a shoe shop for three years in my teens and a) it's pretty bad that they messed up so badly with the fit and b) of course a four-year-old isn't responsible for checking any of this. Because she's, you know, four. Children as young as that usually think that if they can physically cram their foot into a shoe, that means it 'fits' - especially if an adult is telling them it's fine. It was rotten of your husband to blame a four-year-old for this; she's too little.

What?

Utter effing nonsense.

Your child couldn't tell they were tight in 2 mins in a shop, having been encouraged a made a big deal of but parents and shop assistant and eager to please.

Then when they became uncomfortable she DID tell you, and your husband shouted at you both for telling and not telling when he would have liked her to.

A 4 yr old child, a person who has been on the earth 4 years abd is definitely still learning and probably also figuring out when something does or doesn't fit her body, and what it even means for something to fit.

Your husband's an arsehole. I'd go through someone if they did that to my child.