To think this is not a 4 year old's fault? (Shoe size)

[ShoePalaver]

Went to the shoe shop a few weeks ago with my husband and children aged 2 and 4. They each had their feet measured, had grown by half a size since last time, selected a pair of shoes each from ones brought to us by the assistant, the fit was checked by the shop assistant, we paid for the shoes and went on our way.

Now my older child is saying her shoes are too small, I've checked the receipt and the shoes and they are 7.5 instead of 8.5 that we were told in the shop, so a whole size smaller. That is pretty annoying as what's the point of having the shop check the fit - it's a farce clearly, although obviously mistakes can be made. We probably should have checked the size ourselves although assumed the fact they the assistant said they fitted meant they were the right size! Won't bother having shoes fitted again that's for sure.

Anyway coming to my aibu now. I told my husband about this saying I would return to shop and complain, and the first thing he did was go and tell off my 4 year for not saying that the shoes were too small when we were in the shop. I intervened saying it's hardly her fault, it could be our fault or the shop's but not a 4 year old's. He responded saying well she's got to learn somehow and stomped off to the shed and is now in a mood with me for interfering in his parenting. Wondering if I am going mad now.

Yabu - 4 year old child should say if shoes don't fit even though shop lady says they are fine

Yanbu - shop and parents take responsibility for checking correct size of shoes for 4 year-old child

How can a four-year-old be expected to take responsibility for this? How can a two-year-old be taught road safety? Next thing you know he’ll be expecting them to raise themselves. Idiot man.

Your husband is an idiot. Petulant, too.

My DH sometimes says that DS “has to learn” or “do as he’s told” etc… When he clearly doesn’t understand how toddlers work.

Did they measure on one manufacturers gauge, but sell you another manufacturers shoes? There always used to be a discrepancy between Clark's and Start Rite, and some of the European brands.,

If it was Clark's, did they give you a slip of paper rug the measured size on?

I know and I try never to leave them with him. On this occasion he was walking his mum to the bus stop so thought they'd be ok as she is fairly sensible. The whole situation is a mess. We just had an argument yesterday about him shouting at the 2 year old over minor things (talking too loudly in the car, not using knife and fork). Now this. Aargh.

2 year old gets shouted at for not using a knife and fork and not knowing road safety.

genuinely, why are you with him?

Erm the kid probably tried the right ones in the shop and the cashed out the wrong size! It happens! Your husband is thick

No way would I stay with someone who treated my kids like this

Your OH is so wrong, shoe shops fault!

Also I will say this as an ex shoe shop worker, when there's multiple boxes of same style open on the go, mixing them up can unfortunately be easier than you think. There should be no issue giving them back, but go easy on them ;)

It's a good question. He doesn't want to split up. Sometimes he is nice with them. He does have good points. I am not certain they are better off without him. They don't appear to dislike him.

On the other hand we often spend time with other families and I see how my children are much more confident around other dads than their own. It breaks my heart that they can never have a nice dad.

It's really difficult. I did some counselling and the counsellor seemed to think it was just a difference in parenting styles. My husband does improve a bit and change things but he just seems to fall back into old patterns. His dad was abusive I think although he doesn't discuss it. Sometimes I feel like it would be giving up to split and we should make the effort, things will get better as the children get older..other times it's really hard and stressful and I think I can't keep going like this.

Also it concerns me that he might want 50 50 custody, as it is I never leave them with him for more than a couple of hours and then only for work. Even him getting every other weekend would be worrying. He won't get up to them in the night etc. Never puts them to bed. Shouts if they have a nightmare or wet the bed. It's really not as simple as just Leaving.

You have much bigger problems than shoes if he can't keep your children safe.

YANBU, but it's not the shoes I would have been posting about on here.

This..I was a shoe fitter at Clarkes and they are supposed to make sure they're ok, they should have enough growing room (a fingers width)

he doesn’t want to split up
and? What do you want, what’s best for the children?

say you want contact supervised as he is abusive. Shouting because a toddler wet the bed. You say they’ll never have a nice dad < that right there, that’s why you should leave. So they’re not scared in their own home. Things will get worse as they get older. Maybe when they’re bigger they’ll need bigger punishments, maybe a nightmare needs to be dealt with with a slap since shouting hasn’t worked. What if they do something actually naughty? What if the 2 year old comes across a crayon and draws on the wall? Being yelled at for something you can’t control, what would he do over something done on purpose?

I hope you take them back and get another pair.
I did many years ago in Clarks. The store manager had been working, and fitted my 3 year olds trainers. One week later I took him back and complained Manager was there, I said you measured and fitted him, not my fault they don't fit. He replaced them with another pair and had the other shop assistant measure this time.

Sadly at 2 and 4 kids will think the sun shines out of their parents regardless of treatment. It's their long term self esteem that'll be crippled by him. The hypercritical, self obsessed, I think bar steward

Just read the last 2 paragraphs. He's emotionally abusive. Leave.

You can't trust him with your children yet you stay.

If your child had been killed on the road how would you have justified that to yourself or social services.

You've also said on another thread you don't wash or change your children's clothes for days at a time and they sleep in them.

Are you'd depressed OP? It sounds like you and your children are in an all round horrible situation.

I'd lock him in the shed - nobber!

Really unfair.
I've bought a bra, more than once, that the assistant has checked the fit for, only to find as soon as I actually bend down to get in the fridge I fall out of it, or end up with wires digging in after an hour. I certainly wouldn't expect a 4 year old to feel sure, or confident to say the assistant was wrong!

Oh, I've just read your other post - he shouts at them if they have a nightmare or wet the bed? He's an absolute cunt and your children deserve better!

There is nothing worse than getting a new bra and finding when you lean over nips escape

Or when you’re strolling round town like little miss Miss Perky only to get shanked in the tit by your own bra.

I almost lost a rub to a broken under wire recently, my boobs are an absolute hazard!

Men like this never want 50/50.

You’re already effectively bringing up the children alone.

Don’t let him maintain the façade of a devoted family man at your expense.

Let your children live in a happy and peaceful home without him.

It breaks my heart that they can never have a nice dad.

This says it all.

Thanks for the input @Cmonluv @Coolhwip @Chichimcgee . You are all right I need to get on with things and stop thinking. A happy peaceful home is all I want for them.

Also thanks for lightening the mood with your bra story :-D