To disagree with the MN classic ‘it’s only a joke if everyone is laughing’

[Planeflames]

I see this posted a lot and I am confused as to why people think this is even remotely accurate.

It’s a basic fact people have different senses of humour. Just because you don’t find something funny doesn’t mean it’s not a joke, or that the person delivering the comment wasn’t joking. Same applies with banter usually on this site.

Wanted to see if I was missing anything so a poll might help.

YABU - of course unless everyone is laughing something isn’t a joke

YANBU - it’s a stupid saying

The intent of mean "jokes" is generally not to be funny but to make fun of the butt of the joke.

If I said a person with acne looked like she had a join the dots on her face, some people may find it funny, but it's not a joke. It's a mean statement thinly disguised as humour.

A stand up comedian has to test material on their audience. If the joke doesn't land and all they get is crickets, they don't use it again.

A good joke is well received by the audience. The art and skill of 'comedy' is knowing your audience. If it's nasty 'banter' insults covered up with 'it's only a joke' then this is what people mean when "it’s only a joke if everyone is laughing".

Most of the threads here are when the partner is insulting the OP and then making her out to be the problem for not finding 'the joke' funny. No. He had an audience of one and failed to make them laugh, so the problem lies with him.

Exactly. The maker of the comment just calls it a joke to try to cover up the fact it's actually an insult because then they can use the age old adage of I was only joking.

It's not a joke just because they said it is.

One liners and 'jokes' made at a group of people are different because they're not singling anyone out.

If I intentionally insulted you, OP, and laughed as I said it because I found it funny, that wouldn't make it a joke. That would make it a cruel comment I'd made about you and I was laughing at you.

Primary school children understand this and it was actually the focus of this year's ani bullying week. So, no, it's not a joke.

No, it’s not. It’s not said to be funny, it’s said to be cruel and to put down the person it’s aimed at.

I think you're taking the saying much too literally.

It doesn't mean 'A joke is only a joke if everyone in the world finds it funny'.

What it means is 'It's not a funny if the butt of the joke is hurt/humiliated by it' - basically, it means 'It's just a joke' is not an excuse for bullying someone.

So, 'It's only a joke if everyone is laughing' would not a be reasonable response to someone telling a harmless joke that just didn't appeal to your sense of humour.

But it would be a reasonable response to a group of men deciding to nickname their female colleague 'Sugar Tits' or 'Cock Magnet' and then saying 'Lighten up, it's only a joke' when she told not to call her that again.

This is a TAAT, and the OP is obv pissed off that her take on things wasn't being agreed with over there

Sometimes jokes don't land well and, if that's the case, an apology is in order.

If their response is to double down on it then, no, it's not a joke.

Clear the phrase means that "banter" is only a joke if the person you are directing it to is also finding it funny.

If the one person laughing is the bully, then, no, it isn't a joke.

You are misunderstanding the point of the expression, by taking it out of context and too literally. It's used as a way of saying 'It's not ok to take the piss out of someone (or make an offensive joke) if someone is going to find it hurtful instead of funny'. The 'It's not a joke...' bit doesn't mean it's not used as a joke. It means it's not funny, because it's offensive/hurtful.

I was going to mention Cleverly and his stupid “joke” here as well. So many apologists for him on a different thread.

OP I think jokes evolve over time and you have to be a bit more sophisticated. What used to be funny in the past is just toe-curlingly crass and idiotic nowadays.

'Joking' is too often an excuse when called out for being despicable.

This is a TAAT, and the OP is obv pissed off that her take on things wasn't being agreed with over there Hmm

All becomes clear. Yes, her assumption that the OP if the other thread must either be ND or 'belong on Gransnet' if they didn't appreciate some guy's humour didn't go down so well, unsurprisingly.

Well you've picked a super weird hill to die on OP but you do you

By your definition

surely even if one person finds it funny it’s still a joke?

Absolutely anything is a joke.

Like lots of things, it's not a black and white definition.

But it's true, if your joke has a target, and the target isn't laughing, it's not a joke. It's just a mean comment.

I usually say "It's not a joke is NO ONE is laughing"

I take this expression to mean that things like teasing are only OK if the subject of the teasing enjoys it. Which I would wholeheartedly agree with, having been teased mercilessly by my family growing up, to the point where it wrecked my confidence, and asked where my sense of humour was if I objected.

That’s how I understand it too. Not about everyone sharing the same sense of humour, but rather about people making jokes at others’ expense.

People have different sense of humour, but usually when people say "it's only a joke if everyone is laughing" are usually referring to situations where an arsehole is being unpleasant/bullying/misogynistic/racist.

There's jokes DH and I make to each other about each other that are funny because we both find them funny. In another relationship one or both people might decide that's not funny so those jokes would be unacceptable.

Some people excuse unpleasant and bullying behaviour as joking or banter so get annoyed when people don't find them hilarious.

People talk about insults not being 'jokes' but a whole generation of comedy grew up out of insults, usually left wing comedy attacking right wing politics

Nothing wrong with that as far as I can see

A classis MN post, it's OK to insult people if it complies to your own prejudices then! Would right wing comedy attacking the left be funny or would that not be allowed as it doesn't match your prejudices? It's the same as the way in which anything mocking men of acceptable but heaven help anyone who mocks women,

Obviously the first line should read 'complies with' not 'complies to'.

Someone might think it’s funny to make remarks about another person. But if that person is suffering because of the remarks then it’s not funny.

People talk about insults not being 'jokes' but a whole generation of comedy grew up out of insults, usually left wing comedy attacking right wing politics.
that's when I gave up on many comedians. A 2 hour rant about Thatcher swiftly became boring and very tedious. Couldn't stand Ben Elton for many reasons, his work on Blackadder was very funny but too much of his stand up was unfunny

Have you been living under a rock for the past 30 years?

This is exactly what is happening.

I dont have a problem with right wing comedy, Im sure the audiences for it are massive (Roy Chubby Brown is what springs to mind, he's huge apparently).

I wouldnt see it, because its not my cup of tea, I wouldnt find it funny, but others do, surely thats not hard to understand?

I dont agree that mocking men is ok and mocking women isnt. However people on this site would completely disagree. I think everything and everyone is up for being mocked.