Boyfriend commenting on woman's looks

[Dorisnightingale]

Would you be bothered if your partner/spouse made this sort of comment?
He was working with a 22 year old lady, in a hospitality type setting. He's 30 and I'm 33. He has a friend who's around 45, and he was relaying a conversation to me between him and this friend.
Apparently this friend said to him about the barmaid Sally: "If I were 20 years younger, I'd be asking Sally out on a date no question!"
Then bf added to me quietly 'She is really good looking.'
I didn't say anything, like yeah I get it, you fancy her too, I know men are programmed to find young women attractive bla bla bla. I just thought it was a bit unnecessary to add that comment on to me at the end. She's a decade younger too.
I didn't say anything about it and just changed the subject. It's not the end of the world but I just felt it was a bit unnecessary to make his attraction clear to me, AIBU?
Also I'm sure this barmaid comes to do her job, not to have older men leering at her.

Wow.. having a bad day are you? I'm not sure it's me who needs to grow up. 😂

I hate when men take this serious arbiter of female attractiveness tone and feel they simply must comment. It's so irritating. We all notice other people occasionally and don't need to bring it to the attention of out partners. They aren't highly attuned or anything.

They are entitled to their opinion. Sorry, but they are. It’s not about you.

@Catlord did you not bother to read the post or do you have issues comprehending English?

Repeating set MN phrases, are we? What do you actually disagree with?

@Catlord your entire comment makes no sense based on the post itself.

he wasn’t bringing it to the attention of his partner

he was adding detail to a story he was telling her.

Well say that than, not just some facile crap about my reading comprehension.

@Catlord except you’re the one who put your lack of comprehension on display

Read before commenting, how hard is it

The friend did say IF he was 20 years younger. Although I don’t think there’s any need for couples to constantly tell each other if they see someone who’s attractive. You’re still young at 33 OP, if it bothers you get an older bloke & you would then become the younger model. I’m sure the barmaid will expect a bit of banter working in a pub.

Again, what is your point? You may not understand or agree with what I say but why not ask for an explanation instead of making a foolish remark about my 'lack of comprehension'? Of what? The original post? Understood it just fine. It's a comments forum. I'm allowed to post my views on it. They don't necessarily have to chime with yours. It isn't clear why you don't think I understand what was said. What a thoroughly odd contribution from you. Shall you just go away now?

And he was bringing the colleague's attractiveness to the attention of his partner as part of his story, not that I'm interested any longer so your silly remark doesn't even stand up. Just say what you mean in the first place.

@Catlord why would I ask for an explanation when you clearly didn’t read it properly 😅

Gross, no. Vision impaired, yes.

Seriously @Planeflames, what is your problem? The other poster’s comments were perfectly comprehensible..your responses just come across as snide for no apparent reason.

Men are such vile creatures.
Time to up sticks and move on. LTB.

I make comment on people's clothes, attractiveness etc all the time...tbh both men & women. My partner does the same in a none sexual way. It's like the same way I would admire a nicely decorated home or a beautiful ornament. If they are letching and making her uncomfortable I would be bothered about that...I was that young girl once. It's quite nice getting older and not having that to cope with that anymore 🤣

However if your partner is completely faithful, does not letch and bother other women...I'm not sure I would be bothered at all. He is merely recognising she is aesthetically pleasing...I do the same. I'd rather my partner didn't edit their thoughts and was there true self with me. I would examine this insecurity. Is it because his other behaviour is questionable and possibly his loyalty to you? If so this should be explored as a couple. Or is there insecurity in your own self confidence...that's something you need to explore & work on if so. Either way you shouldn't feel threatened by his comment...it indicates an issue 👍

Take care ❤️

I think if he was perving he wouldnt make such comments. Hes honest to you and trusting you to be his best friend and not a judge. You are being unreasonable. Never be too judgemental and insecure in your relationship it onlybmake it harder for you and your partner.

When I was much younger I had a boyfriend who seemed to go out of his way to tell me who he found 'hot'..more often celebrities, but it did cause me to be quite insecure. I do find it disrespectful (although aware that everyone looks!)

There's a young man who works at my place who is gorgeous.
I've mentioned to my DH that if I was twenty years younger, I'd ride his dick until it was worn away.
He just laughs and says the bloke had a lucky escape then.
We don't do insecurity.

I agree with other posters. Unless your boyfriend is telling you what a pervert his work colleague is, what on earth is the point on telling you this?
It’s so banal.
It’s like commenting on an accident and saying “Oh, thank goodness it didn’t happen 20 years ago, when I was a passenger in a car which drove on that exact road.” Pointless. The only purpose it serves is to wind the op up reminding her that her dp works with a young woman.

Not every conversation needs to have a point or a purpose. Everyday conversation is banal. Why would anyone be wound up by their bloke working with a young woman anyway?

He did pre empt it with 'if I was 20 years younger' What I find strange is that your bf was laughing when he was saying it - it's such a non event, it isn't even worth mentioning, let alone funny. Women regularly say a lot more about younger guys.
He shouldn't have said it to you, though. He can't know you very well.

I don't see anything wrong with it because:

1. The man acknowledged he is too old for her so not perving, a perv would think nothing of the age gap
2. The bf said she's very good looking to give the story context as the op probably hasn't met or seen this Sally
3. It's INSANE to think your partner will stop noticing attractive women. He might even get a little crush here and there if you stay together long enough
4. It was a one off comment, he didn't gush about her or talk about her out of nowhere, in the context of the conversation it was totally normal
5. I have and would say so and so is attractive to DH and that includes people we see or know IRL. In fact we both tease each other later if we know someone is the other's type and we notice them getting googoo eyed around them. We've been together for years before getting to this point, though.

Just because he says she's good looking doesn't mean he fancies her. Some people are just really good looking. I've said it occasionally about people.

It's a pointless story but at least Sally can sleep knowing that will be one less 45 year old coming on to her. She's probably fed up of men thinking it's okay.

My DH is not one to leer and rarely comments on women's looks so I don't mind the very occasional comment. I make it a point to not be made insecure by the fact that he notices other people, as do I. We also have running jokes about celebs we find attractive. But, there was one particular woman we know that he commented on more than once. The comments were never disrespectful or gross and were in context (she's a stunning Colombian married to a very wealthy older man. Talking to her is like talking to a Miss World contestant. It would be weird not to notice). In any case, after a few comments over the space of 3 years of knowing them I started to get quite irritated by how insensitive he was being to my feelings. I started making seemingly casual remarks about our gorgeous neighbour who has been known to go for runs shirtless in the summer! DH was surprised and a bit jealous that I was admiring someone else. I innocently reminded him of the fact that he has commented on the beauty of the Colombian. That was the last time he made any more remarks about the Colombian! Haha. I agree with a previous poster. Give him a taste of his own medicine and see what happens! As a general rule, I try not to take it personally when DH notices other females and I'm lucky that he almost never points them out as I think men who do that regularly are insensitive and, personally, I'd worry about fidelity. However, I have been surprised by some women who seem to be very insecure about this and the partner can never, ever notice another female, not even celebs! I think it might be an underlying issue relating to trust. We all have our insecurities though but we should examine whether the mistrust ties back to our own insecurities or a basic mistrust in our partners. I wouldn't stay with a man I couldn't trust.