New Lodger - Need a rant

[InstantDestiny]

Please be kind, I need a bit of a hand hold tbh.

So new lodger moved in NYE eve.

Got references but it’s very quickly transpired that he’s actually off on long term sick as he’s relapsed, in a nutshell.

He’s in recovery from alcohol and has been drinking and using crack all over Xmas ( he told me this after he moved in and I kind of guessed anyway as used to work in this field and have had my own issues).

Last night he was about but drank a huge amount (of my booze - which is fine) and was all over the place.

I smoke but never in my house (as I hate the smell/my house and clothes stinking of it) which he is aware of and I woke up to basically him having smoked in his bedroom all night and the house absolutely stinking. He also smokes roll ups which remind me of that addiction small and NHS’s not changed his clothes or showered since last Thursday.

So that “addict” smell along with the cigarette smell it drifting into the rest of the house. He has also payed me less than half of the deposit as he changed moving in day.

I have addressed the smoking and told him it’s totally unacceptable under any circumstances and if he uses illegal drugs here he will have to leave.

He has apologised saying he’s in a bad place but it’s put me in an anxious, shit place at the beginning of a new year where I have had my own issues.

ARGH.

Are you for real? Has he gone yet? Do not entertain this for a second longer.

This is your best opportunity to get rid of him.

He moved in on New Year's Eve? Is that what you meant to write? That was yesterday. How do you know that he hasn't changed or showered since last Thursday?

Why would you - as a (recovering) addict - invite someone you suspect is an active addict to live in your home?

And why do you know when he last showered?

This is an odd one. Why is it "fine" that he's drinking your booze?

Ah okay, you're the coke-taking social worker who was accused of sexual assault.

Makes sense.

You need him out ASAP! Have you got a friend or family member that can support you to do this incase he turns nasty? When it’s over you need to look at how this happened and why you didn’t respect yourself or your property enough to stop it straight away. Please take care and be safe.

He needs to go now.
Hes just moved in & failed to pay the deposit in full, drank your booze & smoked in your house.
Where he goes is not your problem - protect yourself & your home.

I’m almost always on the side of lodgers in these things and am also very in favour of understanding people with addiction and not jumping straight to tough love and hard lines. And not even for one second in reading this did I think you should do anything other than get this man out of your house as fast as possible. For so many reasons, but above all it’s not looking after yourself as someone with similar issues in the past to be living in that kind of chaos and surrounded by triggers. Tell him to leave nicely, and if he doesn’t then tell him less nicely that the police will soon be involved if he doesn’t.

Then it's even more important that you don't live with one. Give him a week's notice and get him out.

Yes, absolutely, tell him to leave. It's terrible that he's relapsed but you need to look out for yourself. If he's on crack it's one step away from all sorts of stuff going wrong. And I have known crack users so talking from a place of experience, not bigotry.

WTF have I just read?! Why on earth would you even consider having this man as your lodger? Are you female? If so, I’d have someone with you if you give him notice. I couldn’t live like this as a grown woman, my house would feel like a druggy hostel.

Why do you say it is fine for him to drink your booze - and within 24 hours of moving in? This can only get worse. You sound as though you are a pushover OP, and he has sensed your people-pleasing unwillingness to set sensible boundaries. He has not kept to whatever agreement you made with him, so therefore you can get him to leave now (tomorrow). I don't agree with those saying give him a week. You have had enough already, he needs to go tomorrow.

OP, I can understand why as a former/recovering addict yourself you might feel obligated to give this man a safe place, but it isn't safe or sensible or you to do that: cigarettes and alcohol in the first 24 hr is bad enough, but if he's brazen enough to do that so soon I can only imagine it will get worse (and simultaneously riskier).
Nor, frankly, should the onus be on a complete stranger to ensure they are securely housed.
For your own safety you need to give him notice. If you still feel like you ought to help him offer to drop him off at the local council's nearest offices so he can declare himself homeless. (When he will subsequently be housed in a hotel and given a support worker as well as put in touch with any other relevant organisations). Do tell friend/s what you're planning on doing though in case he reacts badly and ideally have someone with you (and that's not to throw shade on addicts - I would say the same to anyone telling a stranger something unpleasant).

Using crack... fucking he'll

Oh my goodness, if it’s not tonight then tomorrow morning first thing please get someone there with you and ask him to leave immediately.

This will only go download.

Do not let him drag you down with him.

Remember this is also a test for you - what are you boundaries? What’s your self worth? What will you allow to happen in the sanctuary of your own home? This is all the self love and inner work / strength about sobriety!

This is a test but you’ve got this x

He needs to go, now!

He needs to go immediately.

Where are your boundaries op?

He needs to go, OP. His idea of acceptable behaviour is so completely ruined that he's acting like this the second he's through the door. It will get a lot worse. Better to make a clean break now. Just because you've had your own challenges, you don't owe him endless chances to trample your boundaries. I have a lot of sympathy for addicts but this is your home and safety that's the priority. Not his.

Get him gone immediately. I don’t agree with giving him a week. Although I don’t know what his rights would be in regards to notice, guess it depends what’s on the contract?

Clearly he’s in a bad place but it should not fall on your shoulders to help him through it, especially given your history.

If easier just tell him to get out first thing and hand him back all monies paid minus the nights spent at yours. You will probably want someone there, maybe the police, in case he doesn't leave quietly. He isn't entitled to be in your house and abuse your trust.

If you were an addict then it's very important that you don't mix with other addicts. I would tell him that and say he has to leave.

I am astounded that you were okay with him drinking a lot of your alcohol anyway.

Could you really not tell any of this before you let him live with you?

Stale fags, stale alcohol and a whiff of dirty hair.

Nooooo. This is never going to work, so get him out ASAP. There wasn't even an initial period of good behaviour!

O.U.T. A.S.A.P.