New Lodger - Need a rant

[InstantDestiny]

Please be kind, I need a bit of a hand hold tbh.

So new lodger moved in NYE eve.

Got references but it’s very quickly transpired that he’s actually off on long term sick as he’s relapsed, in a nutshell.

He’s in recovery from alcohol and has been drinking and using crack all over Xmas ( he told me this after he moved in and I kind of guessed anyway as used to work in this field and have had my own issues).

Last night he was about but drank a huge amount (of my booze - which is fine) and was all over the place.

I smoke but never in my house (as I hate the smell/my house and clothes stinking of it) which he is aware of and I woke up to basically him having smoked in his bedroom all night and the house absolutely stinking. He also smokes roll ups which remind me of that addiction small and NHS’s not changed his clothes or showered since last Thursday.

So that “addict” smell along with the cigarette smell it drifting into the rest of the house. He has also payed me less than half of the deposit as he changed moving in day.

I have addressed the smoking and told him it’s totally unacceptable under any circumstances and if he uses illegal drugs here he will have to leave.

He has apologised saying he’s in a bad place but it’s put me in an anxious, shit place at the beginning of a new year where I have had my own issues.

ARGH.

He needs to go, you're not a halfway house.

Sorry OP but immediately get rid ... there's no scenarios in which this improves for you. Serve notice and change the locks when the notice is up!

Sorry, but reduced deposit and all these other issues and he only moved in yesterday?!?!
He may need help but that doesn’t mean you have to be the one to give it. I’m with those who say that, if it starts off like this, it’s hardly going to get better so tell him now that he has to go.

I've known lots of addicts over the years but I haven't got a clue what an addict smell is?

Apart from his habits, he is bringing a fire hazard into the house. Imagine he leaves a smouldering cigarette having dozed off boozed up. If your home insurance doesn't know you have an occupant who smokes, it could void your policy so ring them to update. Lodgers have few rights, so give him notice to leave. Then change your locks as he knows the layout and security of your home. If he is not actively working now, he will run up terrible energy bills in your home, and may attract other people to the home who you don't want there or take your goods. You need to stand firm and get him out. There are lots of uncomplicated people out there looking for lodging, and he hasn't been inside your house for very long before behaving badly. It will only get worse. If he has habits, he will need money so keep your cash, tech and anything of any value locked up or it may find its way to cash converters while you are out.

@MaryHinges its horrible.

op - he will soon start stealing more than booze. You have to tell him to go and that you’ll be calling the police in 48 hours.

A normal reaction to even half of what he has done in the first 24 hours would be to end the arrangement. You need to do some serious introspection into why you are being so passive about this.

How is he going to pay his rent if he’s off sick?

The more I think about it the more I'm certain you should kick him out immediately. You may think you need the money, but you are very likely to end up losing money if you let him stay. I'm sure the police will help you get him out if he won't go by himself.

Day one he smokes in the house and drinks your alcohol...marching orders here. He moves out asap. His problems not yours..

Have you informed your insurers and mortgage company about a lodger?

I agree with this I am afraid. It’s possible you’re very averse to conflict. If so do you have anyone in RL to back you up?

Before your home is a crack den or a pile of ashes get him out..

drank a huge amount (of my booze - which is fine)

Uh, why is that fine? 🤨
Where the hell are your boundaries?!

Get him out now - smoking in the house is not only unpleasant but a fire hazard ( & I speak as one will have the odd cigarette in the garden ) as others have said

write off the stolen alcohol- which is NOT okay

Tell him you are sorry for his troubles
Take the keys off
tell him he has 6 hours to pack
Give him all the money back

Call the police if needed

then
Take stock and work out how you let this happen / why your boundaries are so poor.
Vet your lodgers better.

If I was in your position I'd get rid, I don't see this ending well unless you make a stand asap.

Op, I worry he'll steal from you for drug money. Definitely lay down a boundary about the smoking, particularly as it's a fire hazard when he's off his head.

Are you desperate for the money? Because I can't understand why you haven't told him to leave already. It's a no brainer.

I’m worried for you if he has behaved this badly already. I had lodgers when I was much younger and most were a nightmare tbh. 2 of them bullied me very badly to the point I would drive past the house and sit in a car park for a couple of hours until they had left if they were home when I returned. Not a nice way to live. I went to CAB for advice and they basically told me that they had more rights to live in my house than I did! This was 20yrs ago though so things may have changed.

Leaving aside the situation I can tell you didn’t work with addicts. That ‘addict’ smell eh. Addicts come in all shapes and smells.

He's just moved in, this is him at his best, when he should be trying to impress you - do you really think things are going to improve?

I think for your sake he needs to leave. He will literally be there all the time and he is already not respecting your boundaries.

Please ask him to go.

There is an addict smell.

I know, I was one.