To ask colleague for a lift, or would I be a CF?

[dontwanttobeacf]

Colleague and I have been paired up, and need to attend a 1-hour meeting in another town at the end of the work day (i.e. we will both go home straight after this meeting - we also live in separate directions). It's been difficult to arrange this meeting, and the person we're meeting with has asked us for a meeting 30 minutes after a meeting we have in our office. It's a 30 minute drive (so it's do-able), but going by train or bus would take 60 minutes so not possible.

I do drive, and colleague knows me as someone who drives. However, I struggle a lot with driving, and haven't been driving for several months and have been getting the bus to the office. Driving to the meeting would also involve narrow country lanes in the dark. I feel embarrassed to tell colleague this, as I'm in my late 20s and feel like I should be able to drive... I've got some refresher driving lessons booked in, so I am trying to do something about it.

WIBU to tell my colleague I don't have access to my car, and ask if she would be able to give me a lift from the office to the meeting, and I will then make my own way home? I would also offer petrol money. Or should I phrase it as I need to ask to move the meeting as I won't be able to get there within 30 minutes as I'd need to use public transport, and see if she then offers me a lift?

I hate imposing on others, but I had hoped the meeting would have been arranged at a time that allowed sufficient time for me to make my own way there.

I used to suffer from driving anxiety and sympathise a lot, OP.

I'd be honest with your colleague. Admit you are suffering from it atm and you've been avoiding driving even to the office. However, you are addressing it in the near future as you said above. Say that you wanted to be honest because you're struggling right now and would she be kind enough to give you a lift on this occasion. You should be reimbursed for petrol costs and wear and tear by your employer, btw, your colleague should claim it back so no need to contribute towards it. Good luck with dealing with your anxiety.

Sorry I think it would be unfair for you to ask your colleague for a lift if you live in opposite directions. They would have to go quite far out of their way to do so.

Plus you can actually drive, you just are too scared/don’t want to.

I guess you could hint you need public transport that day and see if they offer.

No harm in asking.

As I one off I would take you bit wouldn't want it to be a regular thing.

You've misunderstood the OP.

They live in different directions and she's not asking for a lift home.

Just to jump in the car from the office to the meeting.

Sorry I probably didn't explain it clear enough. We'd both be going to the meeting from the office (so both heading the same way). I'd then make my own way home using public transport (when I'm not under the time limit of making it to the meeting on time).

You've misunderstood.

OP needs a lift from her office to the meeting, together with the colleague who is also going there.

OP would then return home (in the opposite direction to her colleague) separately.

I don't see a problem at all.

i can't see why asking for a lift there would be a problem.
just make it clear you don't want a lift home.

Also FWIW, in my workplace we never travel to business meetings in multiple cars, always one and the driver claims back the expenses. We generally travel together from the office, it's not an unusual arrangement at all.

I wouldn't mind someone asking me if I was going there anyway

It’s fine if they are going that way anyway. Not fine to take them out of their way

It is a requirement to minimise expenses for colleagues to car share where possible where I work too. You are not asking for a lift home so I think you are being very reasonable and worrying about something that is often actively encouraged.

I think both travelling together is a good idea, as you can prep for the meeting on your way. Seems to make sense.

@dontwanttobeacf

honestly, it was crystal clear.

not a CF at all, I'd happily take you & either take you home or drop you somewhere it's easy for you to bus home from.

just ask, you'd have to be a complete cow to even bat an eyelid at the request!

I hope for your sake you can get your confidence back!

I don’t think there’s any problem in asking and offering petrol money.

If she asks why you don’t want to drive, be honest. There’s nothing wrong in admitting you’re a nervous driver.

if it’s a meeting for work, could you get a (shared) taxi and expense it to work?
I

As a one off, I think it'd be fine to just say you won't have your car on that day so would they mind you hopping in with them for that trip.

Please don't let driving anxiety interfere with what you can do going forward though OP- I know a couple of people who will not drive anywhere other than a few trusted routes, and it really limits them

I don't think you're being unreasonable OP, depending on how well you know the colleague I would be honest as to why you feel uncomfortable, or just use a white lie.

Your employer should reimburse your travel costs for attending this meeting.

However it doesn't sound like this meeting has been arranged at a convenient time for you and your colleague. I'd actually be declining the meeting and requesting it be held at a more convenient time as to travel that distance at the end of working day for a meeting is unreasonable. Nor is it likely to be productive. Could you not do the meeting by teams or does it have to be face to face?

I wouldn't mind as long as we were both heading to the office and you were definitely making your own way home.

I think that's fine OP,I don't think that's cheeky fuckery at all. You could offer to split petrol as you say.

I would ask with as much notice as possible though as some people can be quite personal about their 'space'.

I once asked a lovely manager for a lift last minute as we were going from office to a team lunch a 10 min drive away. He said 'yes of course!' immediately but dashed down 10 mins before to dump a bag full of rubbish and um,open the windows for a bit...🪴

If colleague drives you to a work meeting she can claim mileage AND depending on your work there may be an allowance for taking a passenger.

It's time efficient, effective, and a greener option (v taking 2 cars).

Ask. Absolutely no harm in asking.

Only hitch would be if colleague feels similarly about driving and is planning to ask to share with you - in which case arrange a taxi.

I wouldn’t even bat an eyelid, you’re overthinking it. Just make it clear you don’t expect a lift home.

Bung them a fiver unless the travel is expensed by work.

Only hitch would be if colleague feels similarly about driving and is planning to ask to share with you-in which case arrange a taxi.

Yep-this.

I wouldn’t mind giving you a lift at all if I was driving there anyway. I’m sure it’ll be fine, especially as you’re not expecting a lift home. It would be quite mean-spirited of your colleague to refuse.

I hate giving lifts, so would feel really uncomfortable about having to say no to you.

However, YANBU to ask because lots of folk don't have my weird aversion, nor would I expect you necessarily to realise.

“Hey co-worker, I’m having to catch the bus to work on day of meeting and had planned to catch one to get to it but I don’t think I’d make it in time. If I was to pay petrol could I please get a lift there with you. I’ll be catching the bus home so it’s just from office to meeting”

no harm in asking, if she says no, ok no worries if she says yes then great