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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask colleague for a lift, or would I be a CF?

76 replies

dontwanttobeacf · 01/01/2024 15:36

Colleague and I have been paired up, and need to attend a 1-hour meeting in another town at the end of the work day (i.e. we will both go home straight after this meeting - we also live in separate directions). It's been difficult to arrange this meeting, and the person we're meeting with has asked us for a meeting 30 minutes after a meeting we have in our office. It's a 30 minute drive (so it's do-able), but going by train or bus would take 60 minutes so not possible.

I do drive, and colleague knows me as someone who drives. However, I struggle a lot with driving, and haven't been driving for several months and have been getting the bus to the office. Driving to the meeting would also involve narrow country lanes in the dark. I feel embarrassed to tell colleague this, as I'm in my late 20s and feel like I should be able to drive... I've got some refresher driving lessons booked in, so I am trying to do something about it.

WIBU to tell my colleague I don't have access to my car, and ask if she would be able to give me a lift from the office to the meeting, and I will then make my own way home? I would also offer petrol money. Or should I phrase it as I need to ask to move the meeting as I won't be able to get there within 30 minutes as I'd need to use public transport, and see if she then offers me a lift?

I hate imposing on others, but I had hoped the meeting would have been arranged at a time that allowed sufficient time for me to make my own way there.

OP posts:
NumberTheory · 01/01/2024 20:34

If you’re making your own way home, I don’t think it’s an imposition to ask. Most places I’ve worked we’d probably be expected to consider if sharing were more appropriate anyway.

If she can claim mileage I wouldn’t normally offer petrol money. But if she’s going to be covering the cost herself or out of pocket at all, I would.

I don’t think you have to be upfront about your driving anxiety, just say you aren’t able to drive at the moment but expect to be back on the road in [whenever your refresher driving lessons are booked for]. However, if you’re required to be able to drive and have access to a car for your job you might want to be a bit more careful. Especially if you think there’s any chance the colleague will use it against you. Sadly, a lie about your car being in the garage is normally accepted more easily than any sort of suggestion you are physically or mentally unable to drive.

NewYearNewPyjamas · 01/01/2024 20:56

Honestly, you're both going to the same place. Why would you not ask? And she should be offering. Save the environment at the very least. Then make your own way home.

BeckyBloomwood3 · 01/01/2024 20:59

Definitely OK!

WaltzingWaters · 01/01/2024 21:01

I think it’s fine to ask for a lift from the office to the meeting, making it clear you’ll make your own way home and not hinting for a lift home also. Be honest with her and explain why and that you’re doing something about it, just not quite ready yet.

DNLove · 01/01/2024 21:02

As this is a work meeting that you need to travel for work should be covering costs. I would suggest a taxi from office to meeting and taxi back to office paid for by the company. Unless it suits the other person to drive if its quicker for them to go straight from meeting to their home. Have a discussion with your colleague see what they were thinking, just say your not familiar with the country lanes around that way so wouldn't drive it. I don't think it's cheeky at all to ask if you can jump in with them given your both going from the same place to the same place at the same time. I'd be disappointed if a colleague of mine felt they couldn't just say "can I hop in with you".

Orangello · 01/01/2024 21:05

If I and a colleague were going to the same meeting, it would be odd NOT to share. Not U the slightest to ask. Of course as you live in opposite directions, make it clear you don't expect to be driven home.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 01/01/2024 21:06

In my workplace sharing transport in this way would be encouraged. Won't your colleague be claiming mileage to travel to the meeting? We offer an extra 5p per mile for taking a passenger. I regularly suggest sharing transport with colleagues when we're travelling to the same meeting.

MuggleMe · 01/01/2024 21:15

Assuming they were planning on driving to the meeting it's absolutely fine to ask.

SaucepanRattle · 01/01/2024 21:15

I think it's absolutely fine to ask because your colleague is going from A-B anyway so the lift is no additional effort for them. But make it clear when you ask that you will make your own way home so the lift there isn't going to turn into a lift home too (I know you clearly said that you will make your own way home in your OP so just make it clear when you ask)

Passingthethyme · 01/01/2024 21:17

Can you drive to theirs assuming that's easier for you, at least that means it's not a pain for them. And of course insist on petrol money

ZenNudist · 01/01/2024 21:17

Just ask. And ask to be dropped somewhere to get home, not getting them to go out their way.

I think its reasonable to talk logistics. No one minds giving colleagues a lift. Especially when you will need to make other plans if you are expected to rely on public transport.

Kedece2410 · 01/01/2024 21:19

TortolaParadise · 01/01/2024 16:37

Is travelling by cab an option?

Why would you take a cab when someone is leaving from the office you're in and going to the same meeting.

Thats just crazy

Mummy2mybear · 01/01/2024 21:25

I totally would not mind at all personally if a colleague asked me this, i would insist on dropping you home you sound lovely but just ask OP is no harm in that x

Alicewinn · 01/01/2024 21:26

I wouldn’t mind driving you at all since I’m going anyway

Wasteddaysanddays · 01/01/2024 21:28

I would be pleased with the company

cuddlebear · 01/01/2024 21:30

YANBU.

Surely colleague will be claiming mileage for journey anyway. Where I work we get extra for taking a passenger so no need to offer money.

Just say you won’t have car that day, can you travel to meeting together, otherwise you will have to attend online or rearrange as you won’t make it on time using public transport.

Emphasise that you don’t need or expect a lift home after.

TortolaParadise · 01/01/2024 21:46

Kedece2410 · 01/01/2024 21:19

Why would you take a cab when someone is leaving from the office you're in and going to the same meeting.

Thats just crazy

Show quote history

I hate imposing on others.....

A cab is an option/solution if OP hates imposing.

Kedece2410 · 01/01/2024 21:50

TortolaParadise · 01/01/2024 21:46

I hate imposing on others.....

A cab is an option/solution if OP hates imposing.

Show quote history

Itll look absolutely beyond weird if her colleague sees her getting a taxi from and to the same place as she's driving. I'd think my colleague was a weirdo & didn't like me if they did that

There's not imposing and there's being totally wet

biscuitnut · 01/01/2024 21:53

If I had a colleague who suffered from driving anxiety I wouldn’t mind giving them a lift. I wouldn’t find it cheeky at all. Obviously you need to get on top of the anxiety problem but as a one off I don't see the issue in asking your colleague for help.

Ginandjuice57884 · 01/01/2024 21:53

Of course it's not cheeky. They're driving there anyway.

Hayzl · 01/01/2024 23:03

Not sure if anyone has mentioned insurance of the driver?

Because it's to a work meeting I think they'd need business type car insurance to drive you.

We do at my place of work and it costs more to have 🙄

christmasbunny · 01/01/2024 23:04

I'd do this for a colleague, just ask! You can always offer to offer something towards the petrol?

Glockwein · 01/01/2024 23:21

I think you're overthinking, it's fine to ask. Totally normal in my office when anyone has come in by public transport.

People who get public transport to work are reducing emissions and traffic for the rest of us, and often help colleagues by not occupying a much prized parking space. It would be daft for you to drive in specially, just so you could both drive to the meeting in separate cars. Work should be encouraging car sharing wherever possible.

It only gets more complicated - and your anxiety only comes into the equation - if your colleague was planning to use public transport too.

Mummy2024 · 13/06/2024 19:16

dontwanttobeacf · 01/01/2024 15:36

Colleague and I have been paired up, and need to attend a 1-hour meeting in another town at the end of the work day (i.e. we will both go home straight after this meeting - we also live in separate directions). It's been difficult to arrange this meeting, and the person we're meeting with has asked us for a meeting 30 minutes after a meeting we have in our office. It's a 30 minute drive (so it's do-able), but going by train or bus would take 60 minutes so not possible.

I do drive, and colleague knows me as someone who drives. However, I struggle a lot with driving, and haven't been driving for several months and have been getting the bus to the office. Driving to the meeting would also involve narrow country lanes in the dark. I feel embarrassed to tell colleague this, as I'm in my late 20s and feel like I should be able to drive... I've got some refresher driving lessons booked in, so I am trying to do something about it.

WIBU to tell my colleague I don't have access to my car, and ask if she would be able to give me a lift from the office to the meeting, and I will then make my own way home? I would also offer petrol money. Or should I phrase it as I need to ask to move the meeting as I won't be able to get there within 30 minutes as I'd need to use public transport, and see if she then offers me a lift?

I hate imposing on others, but I had hoped the meeting would have been arranged at a time that allowed sufficient time for me to make my own way there.

Hi OP, they won't have an issue with it, just offer the fuel and explain your not driving atm and the reasons why and that you are happy to take public transport but the timings won't work.

They will take you even if it's just so they don't finish half hour later lol 😆 don't be worrying your not asking for a lift home and both going same place it makes sense

Mummy2024 · 13/06/2024 19:19

Hayzl · 01/01/2024 23:03

Not sure if anyone has mentioned insurance of the driver?

Because it's to a work meeting I think they'd need business type car insurance to drive you.

We do at my place of work and it costs more to have 🙄

Well that's just strange, taking a collegue to a meeting is hardly a buisness transaction

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