To cuddle my baby for all naps and not have a sleep schedule

[Cookiecrumblepie]

I have a 4 month old and am snuggling her for every nap. Co-sleeping and just letting her do her thing. She doesn’t have a set sleep schedule (just rough and whenever I can se me her getting tired) and I let her nap for as long as she likes on me. Her night sleep is fine, also snuggled near me. I feel this is against so much advice but I love it! AIBU?

We did very similar and I loved it! My LO is 1 now and by following his cues he’s had a regular nap routine for a couple of months. He usually naps in his cot now but will still happily cuddle up on me or his Dad if we don’t have access to a cot during his nap time which is very useful.

I’ve found that baby sleep is one of the things that a lot of people have very strong opinions about and it can be quite an emotive subject as everyone thinks that what they did is the best thing to do, completely understandably as the vast majority of people want to do the absolute best for their baby. As long as you and baby are happy and safe then what you’re doing is the right thing for you.

Also anecdotally in our friendship group people have done every sleep technique from co sleeping to following rigid sleep training plans and all of the babies have had similar sleep issues at similar ages and are now all in a very similar routine.

It's absolutely fine but I was just a bit wary of falling asleep during a snuggly baby nap especially when I was super tired. For that reason, I always tried to transfer to a Moses basket or the bassinet of the pram so it was okay if I dropped off too.

I don't think you're unreasonable at all. Trust your instinct and enjoy this precious time with your baby. You'll never look back and regret giving your baby toi many cuddles. There is so much advice out there on how to optimize baby sleep, but seriously - a mother knows best. I went against a lot of that advice myself, doing what felt right for my baby. My 2-year-old DS is a great sleeper now. He feels safe, and feels like sleeping is safe and comfortable. Trust your own instinct to keep your baby feeling safe, comfortable and loved.

So so so so so fine & normal. My almost 3 year old slept with me and on me for every nap and night time sleep. At 12 months we introduced a floor bed so I could get him down & roll away but could easily resettle in the night. It meant no horrendous nights of trying to resettle and put back down & he sleeps perfectly fine all by himself now. You’re not making a rod for your own back, I actually think it’s much easier to do it this way - I am biased because it’s what I did, but there was zeroooo stress. Just went with my gut. I think there are absolutely children who need regular comforting through the night in the toddler years and beyond, but I am a huge believer in temperament - some babies are happy to drift off by themselves from the word go. It WONT be because you held them for every sleep! There are also studies showing babies who are dependent on mum/dad for comfort become more independent as they are confident they have a safe place to return to. Very happy to link studies if of interest.

@Cookiecrumblepie sorry, making a rod for your own back there! put baby in cradle or crib.

Four months is still tiny. Mine didn't have a routine until much much older. None of them ever slept in my bed tho. But they slept out and about in car seat, pushchair, sling etc as well as in my arms when tiny. I agree that a strict routine is more restrictive for mum as you can't go out if baby has to sleep in their cot at a particular time.

Do what works for you and the baby

Totally fine. I had similar worries when mine was that age, panicking he’d never sleep properly or always only on me but he naps for 2 hours and sleeps through the night at 16mo. Every baby is different, if it works for you and it’s safe, then that’s what’s important.

Absolutely fine but don't tell people, it stresses them out!

This would have not worked for me at all as I loved knowing that without fail I would have two hours from 12.30 - 2.30pm (give or take half an hour, which was up to my choosing) to get stuff done, have a nap myself go out for an undisturbed adult lunch or have friends over for lunch etc. I had that certainty for two + years until they dropped their naps and I was also careful to make sure that they could sleep just as well in the cot at home or in a buggy.

@LightSwerve agree with this 😂

For the last 4 months you’ve not moved every time your baby naps during the day?

When do you get anything done at home? Washing your hair, housework, cooking, or getting ready to go out? I’d be bored rigid sitting down for so long!

I usually soothed or cuddled mine to sleep and then moved them to their cot.

I saw nap time as a bit of me time and a chance to get on with stuff. Once I had more dc, it was a chance to devote some attention to them.

I thought the idea of “sleep when baby sleeps” only really applies when you’re exhausted from labour and sleep deprived with a very new born!

Everyone I know who had a sleep schedule were much more restricted in doing stuff as baby had to be in their cot at a specific time and had to go to bed at 7 every night. They also mostly seemed to settle into waking very early which was not for me.
When we started school mine was flexible enough to take that in his stride and still sleeps later at weekends.

🤣🤣i know, sleep deprivation my only excuse. I'm usually a total pedantic arsehole about this stuff.

No judgement at ll just a word of warning.

My friend did exactly this and her child at 4.5 years really struggles can’t sleep alone and when they try it they wake up 2 to 3 times a night. She has not has a good night’s sleep in 4.5 years.

I think a routine is a good thing for future self and your child is sleep health.

Same with my friend

It’s not a choice between having A VERY RIGID sleep schedule and lying down with your baby asleep on you every time they nod off is it?

I think a lot of posters are just saying that they put their baby down when they slept in the day rather than lie down cuddling them.
I would find that very restrictive and I’d feel a bit bleurgh not moving around more during the day.

I didn’t have a schedule at that age (I had no clue what I was even doing) but my baby would only sleep touching me, which I found very difficult because it was difficult to do anything.

How are you finding doing housework or having a shower etc?

If you’re coping well then I would carry on exactly as you are.

If I could go back I would have bought a sling though, so at least I’d have both hands free and be able to actually do stuff whilst baby is sleeping.

I did this with my first and really regretted it. At 6 they still needed me to fall asleep and it made life really difficult. With my second, I still allowed some contact naps but got in a good routine quickly and they sleep well on their own. I would defo say having a routine and encouraging sleeping solo much easier.

I don't understand how this works practically. So when do you get dressed? Go to the toilet? Prepare food and eat?

I used to do all that when they slep but if you're cuddling when do you get stuff done?

Haha, in a few months time you will be regretting this. When she will not sleep without you, she will be heavier and it won't be cute anymore. Seriously I have just sleep trained my 1yo because we started out like this.

I considered looking after my baby to be a full time job, anything I did around the house in the day was a bonus and my husband and I did what needed doing in the evenings and at the weekend, same as when I was doing my regular job. The naps gave me me time to read books and watch films, chatter to friends etc.
When we swapped to shared leave my husband did the same while I was in the office.

I usually soothed or cuddled mine to sleep and then moved them to their cot.

I saw nap time as a bit of me time and a chance to get on with stuff. Once I had more dc, it was a chance to devote some attention to them.

As @SmileyClare said, I think having eventually moving them to their cot whilst they’re asleep in the best way to go.

My DD was a very clingy baby and it was very difficult after a while because I had stuff to do or just wanted a bit of me time but she wouldn’t sleep unless I was right next to her.

I had one clingy baby and one who was happy to be put down once asleep and that one has been much easier to raise! First child co slept and was held for naps and didn't actually sleep a full night in his own bed til he was 3.5...and by then my back was wrecked from sleeping in weird positions next to a big wriggly toddler.

DC2 got used to being put down as soon as he was asleep basically from birth as quite frankly I had a toddler and a house to keep fed, clean and tidy and couldn't do that properly while holding or carrying round a sleeping baby. He has been my most flexible and portable child so far, has a routine but adapts it easily and falls asleep wherever he happens to be at nap time. My life was very restricted and a lot more stressful with DC1 who was so specific about how and where he would sleep.

Making a rod or your own back. Before you know it you will have a toddler howling for hours a night unless you do a two hour rocking/singing/patting session, a pissed off partner (if you have one), you struggling to focus at work and a heck load of resentment.