To feel uncomfortable around in-laws constant sexual jokes?

[Sarah557]

I know all families are different and it’s very unlikely that your partners family will be similar to your own BUT Aibu to find it weird that his family make constant sexual jokes? This happens at every single get together and there is honestly not 5 minutes go by where a comment or joke isn’t made? They can be just general comments or they can be directed at members of the family. For example, before Christmas his aunty met a man for a coffee date and then all over Christmas there have been jokes made in relation to the aunt and this man. I’m talking really disgusting words, talking about her flaps things like that? Sorry if that offends anyone but I’m just trying to get across the kind of stuff they say. I always feel uncomfortable but then I don’t know if it’s just me being weird as the whole family seems to find these jokes hilarious? I get maybe the odd joke here and there but this is constant and really grim words / stuff they say! I know each to their own and it depends person by person whether you feel comfortable around certain topics but I was just wondering whether this is the norm in a lot of families? My partner is one of 4, 2 girls and 2 boys and they are all the same! The parents, the aunts and uncles and even the grandparents! Thanks

Well does your partner make similar jokes? What does he think of it?

What's your partner like?

I wouldn't bother going round there again.

He doesn’t say that many, maybe the odd one now and again. He doesn’t see anything wrong with it as that’s the way he’s been brought up I suppose.

Ok so you knew he liked making these jokes and also thinks there's nothing wrong with it. And you've decided to stick with him anyway? I'd split up if it were me. Sense of humor is so important.

That's pretty unusual IMO. There is a spectrum and some families are very prudish, some very relaxed, but what you're describing sounds at the far end.

Does your DP join in? You have to think hard about whether you want this in your life long term.

This is how they are. I don't imagine they'll change. My concern wouldn't be for you (you can choose not to go - I'd prefer not to be around people like this - or to ignore) but for any children who are there

I'm imagining that these people wouldn't adjust their conversation around children 🤮

It sounds very immature and a bit grim. Do they have anything interesting or intelligent to talk about?

I would find it hard to tolerate and I certainly would not allow children to be in that environment.

My issue is I can't imagine they would dial it down when you eventually have children.

I just wouldn’t go and tell him why. My iLs were like this not as bad but toilet humour. It wasn’t that I’m adverse to the odd fart joke but it was the constant conversation turnaround to their ‘funny’ fart reference. Bloody boring. My face couldn’t lie and I just stopped going for a good while. Funny enough they don’t do it anymore. I think the siblings partners has calmed it down. Non of us were impressed. I just don’t think they realised.

just their sense of humour I guess. I wouldn’t mind a bit of ribbing but what you describe is too near the knuckle for me. What are they like when kids are around?

Sounds tiresome and immature more than anything, unfortunately I don't think they'll change so all you can do is ask them to stop after awhile or start to avoid their company. Maybe try and zone it out, or beat them at their own game and tell even more lewd jokes.

@Sarah557

I am open minded about sex

and even i would find that sexual comment about your partner's aunty's flaps this is extremely offensive Crude terminology to use,

Your partners family are definitely sound extremely infantile and Dysfunctional,

I even wonder whether the extreme crude Jokes disguises 🥸 could be hiding in plain sight something even more sinister, such as pschological emotional or and even sexual abuse underlying tones..

Just something is giving me that kind of weirdness vibe about their obsession with crude sexual terminology,

I wonder too whether there is a Creepy uncle pushing the boundaries off limits 🤔 stuff going on there in the family dynamics background,

the obsession with " locker room jokes puerile crude jokes" the kind that a teenager school boy could say to impress his mates for a cheap laugh in school sense of humour.

@Tlolljs

Why are they like that with children around?

This is what is the most alarming bit, how it's normalised ,

Makes you wonder why ?

An ex of mine, who was perfectly lovely invited me to his sister's as it was her son's 4th birthday. Her partner and his brother could have come from the same family as you have described.
They'd done all the kids food and had got in a mix of curries for the adults. Well, needless to say Sag Aloo became saggy tits ahaha 🙄, talk of ring stingers and pebble dashing whilst eating, many a racist quip. So not all sexual, covered all bases.
We left asap. His sister did look embarrassed and gave a very half hearted shut up... But it was my first and last visit. God knows what they are like alone with their own family.
I love a good laugh but that's not humour.

One of my sons school mates posted on Facebook years ago about his Mum having a fishy fanny - his Mum feigned OMG then just laughed. I don't understand it.

It's for this reason that I'll be ending a specific volunteering position in 2024. I'm not shocked, I just find it achingly, achingly tedious.

I am hoping 🙏 i am wrong,

It could be they just have very low bar for social niceties norms,

I just really would not want to be around people like that,

I think 🤔 i am too intelligent and i would that kind of conversation tiresome and far too predictable boring to want to spend any time with them..

I enjoy carry on sense of humour films

Up Pompei tv Frankie Howard..too

so i am not a prude either .

If they do it around young children I would say something if not then I would just ignore it

I don't get my inlaws toilet humour but it is not offensive just not my thing so I don't join in but leave them to it

@JanglingJack

What an offensive misogynistic Arsehole type of comment to say to his mother on WhatsApp group,😳

I know he is a teenage boy and unfortunately he has picked this up from somewhere probably from his school mates and the Crap misogynistic society we live in unfortunately. !

His mother laughing in sheer toe curdling embarrassment is unfortunately is enabling her son's behaviour .☹️

Funnily enough, my dad used to be like that, always connecting everything to sex in some way, & making crude jokes. I don't know where he got it from as no-one else in his family was like that, as far as I could see... It had a nasty effect on me, as it made me start to think in this way, so that pretty much any conversation would make me feel guilty or embarrassed, leading to serious social anxiety...

Humour is subjective and everyone is different
this is who they are
this is the environment your DP has been brought up in so to him it’s just the norm

this will never change so you either accept it or step away
or your in for a future of constantly whining and moaning about it

I hate this! Very immature and tiresome I would not be visiting them op!

The crude terminology is absolutely disgusting, especially if there are children around.

There is a time and a place for stuff like this and it is not at a family get together!

What does your partner think about it all?

How long have you been together?

How often do you see in-laws?

Do they do it in front of children?

In-law family members are like this too. Female as well as male. Always turning stuff into some kind of innuendo that they think is so funny. And when I don't laugh, I'm the one with no sense of humour.

Couple of days ago, I said something to MiL that 2 individuals decided to turn smutty and as a consequence, I was left to feel embarrassed because the 'joke' had become about MIL's genitals. I mean, FFS!! I didn't make a joke, it was a genuine ask that was turned into something horrible; oh but the individuals thought it so hilarious. MIL didn't say anything so their behaviour is just accepted as the norm. Pissed me off because I was left embarrassed.

I bawled my DH out about it (as he can often be as bad) saying his family are a bunch of creeps and have vowed to sit there in silence and not say a bloody word in future. 🙄😑

I would be so put off by that. It's one thing making innuendos with friends, but with my mother-in-law? No way.

Do you have children together? If not, I'd make a sharp exit.