To feel uncomfortable around in-laws constant sexual jokes?

[Sarah557]

I know all families are different and it’s very unlikely that your partners family will be similar to your own BUT Aibu to find it weird that his family make constant sexual jokes? This happens at every single get together and there is honestly not 5 minutes go by where a comment or joke isn’t made? They can be just general comments or they can be directed at members of the family. For example, before Christmas his aunty met a man for a coffee date and then all over Christmas there have been jokes made in relation to the aunt and this man. I’m talking really disgusting words, talking about her flaps things like that? Sorry if that offends anyone but I’m just trying to get across the kind of stuff they say. I always feel uncomfortable but then I don’t know if it’s just me being weird as the whole family seems to find these jokes hilarious? I get maybe the odd joke here and there but this is constant and really grim words / stuff they say! I know each to their own and it depends person by person whether you feel comfortable around certain topics but I was just wondering whether this is the norm in a lot of families? My partner is one of 4, 2 girls and 2 boys and they are all the same! The parents, the aunts and uncles and even the grandparents! Thanks

Utterly grim. I have a relative in the (thankfully) extended family like this. Anything that he can turn into some crude innuendo is fair game to him. Yuck. As pp’s have said - crude, puerile and, most of all, just bloody tedious.

There are no kids involved at the mo but I definitely agree that they wouldn’t change around children even if there were…

Thanks for all your replies, makes me feel less alone! For those saying I’m whinging etc I’m not at all, just wanted to know if it’s the norm or whether it’s a smaller minority of families who are like this.

That would completely freak me out and turn me off a partner if he thought this was normal behaviour.

Crude, sexual and misogynist language should be routinely used in conversation.

It really is not funny, just creepy and totally inappropriate in front of kids.

Can you imagine young children just repeating this type of language at school?

Seriously I would reconsider the relationship over this.

I have family like this, it’s disgusting and embarrassing.
The problem is they’ve all grown up used to this behaviour, it’s normal to them, and once more than two are joining it, it makes it impossible really to call out.

Id just avoid them as much as possible.

Well it’s normal for them but not normal for you.

It’s not what my family do, but that doesn’t mean anything.

They’re your in laws. They’re not going to change. You either put up with it or decide it’s really not for you and end your marriage, you can’t expect your dh to stop seeing his family or never allow his family to see his children in the future.

I would hate that too. I’d find it tedious and really immature.

Its their family culture though so it’s never going to change.

does your OH find this language and behaviour ok? Does he do it when he is not with them?
what does he think with regards to children being around this?
it all sounds very nasty - and it wouldn’t be for me.
and if they made a joke about me I would ask… I don’t understand, can you explain please?

My FIL used to constantly make innuendo, I hated it but his family would laugh and encourage him. Thankfully neither of my DCs copied him.
I strongly dislike coarseness, it’s not funny in my eyes.

I’m not averse to the odd Carry On type innuendo at all, but this sounds more like Roy Chubby Brown. I’d hate this too. It sounds tedious, relentless and depressing.

And no, certainly not the norm. It’s obviously they way they are, and they’re not going to change, but it sounds fairly extreme and I’d find it pretty bleak.

Al the posters saying it’s not normal are wrong. It’s not normal for them but it is for that family and others.

No I would t like it either but there are many things I don’t like, doesn’t mean they’re not normal or ok for other people.

OP has to decide what she wants to do, she can’t change them, so what does she think is best for her.

Disgusting. Have you discussed it with him? Is he aware that it's not normal? (Although clearly it is for his family! )

Does he have the awareness that its not normal.

The closest I've come to this, is a rough workplace 30 years ago.

Don't have children with him. Unless you want your own kids subjected to it.

Not only is it bizarre and repellent, but they are not reining the so called humour in with a family guest which is discourteous as well.

Or you could see it that they see her as part of the family.

And whilst I agree I find it grim, it’s funny for them (and others - they’re not the only ones to have this type of humour)

See less of them as a result.

Run a mile, I know a family like this, and my honest view is, it started a few generations ago to smudge boundaries, in an under employed, sex pest environment, nobody worked, just endless procreation and living off benefits. Idle sex pests, obsessed about sex and male chest beating. Disgusting men proving their prowess by procreation.

Idle, sex pests,..... Awkward and not entertaining.

You can do better.

@NeverTrustAPoliceman

Do they have anything 🤔interesting to talk about ?

Doesn't look like it, 😕

If they have got anything worthwhile to talk about !???

Is it really worth hanging about to see if there is more to this family?
than the Crap misogynistic jokes straight from 70s era Comedian Bernard Manning repertoire.

Ex fil was like this. He referenced his daughters boyfriend by a name.

This wasn't it because I don't want to out, but think similar to big prick Steve referring to his genitals.

Doesn't matter who they are. Completely unacceptable.

Ugh.

They sound simple minded and they obviously lack healthy boundaries. It’s creeping towards being incestuous. It’s not ok and I wouldn’t want to be a part of a family like that.

So are you going to put up with it?

@AtrociousCircumstance & @CreationNat1on

Have both hit the nails on the head with their insightful good posts ,

Please 🙏 listen to them and other posters who have same or similar viewpoints on here...@Sarah557

It part of the family dysfunctional dynamics unfortunately and its down right freakishly Weird and ugh 🤢 wtf is wrong with them type of thing 😑 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 too.!

My ILs are like this, although they're definitely not racial or sexism, and I can have a perfectly normal, serious conversation with them if needed.

However everyone is teased about new boyfriends/girlfriends and 'their intentions', we all though my MILs new vibrating exercise platform was hilarious, and I could well imagine some sort of hilarious anecdote about Auntie Mary's flaps.

They're a loving and down to earth family really!

Gross. I couldn’t be around that and couldn’t be with someone like that either.

@Tzimi I relate to this so much. In fact, I've never heard anyone describe this before so your post has really struck a chord with me. Thank you :)

It sounds absolutely gross, the sort of conversation that I can imagine teenage boys having when there are no adults about.