Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want my husband to wash the soap off the dishes?

118 replies

Mamasharp97 · 31/12/2023 10:34

As title says… he leaves the suds on and doesn’t rinse.
I think that’s disgusting and have asked him before after getting a mouthful of soap.
he's mad at me this morning because he did the washing up and I asked why they were soapy and not rinsed.

aibu?

OP posts:
Willmafrockfit · 01/01/2024 11:53

it is not disgusting,
you are overreacting.
i bet you rinse yourself off after a bath!

zingally · 01/01/2024 12:38

I've been hand-washing dishes for 15 years, have never consciously rinsed them, and leave them on the rack to air-dry, and have never had a mouthful of soap, or been able to taste any soapy residue after they are dry.

Not sure what your DH is doing wrong!

Lieblingsessen · 01/01/2024 13:26

To all those who don't rinse, you still don't get it.

It's not all about tasting soap suds. It's about the microscopic food particles still remaining on the dishes. The washing up liquid helps to dissolve the grease and break down the food particles, but they don't miraculously vanish into thin air. They are still in the dishwater. So if you you don't rinse these off with clean water, they will still be on your plates, glasses, etc. You may not taste them, but they will still be there. It's commonsense.

Those of us with this commonsense about why you should rinse after hand washing, find it baffling as well as grim when people don't rinse. As others as have said, it appears to be a particularly British thing that so many don't and they believe it is totally acceptable and don't understand the problem.

I find this very strange. However the strangest was the thread I saw about those showering but not actively scrubbing their legs, believing that the water running down them would do the job! Why, just why? 😲

LaurieStrode · 01/01/2024 13:32

@Lieblingsessen

Agree with you. The thought of the bacteria that is not being rinsed off makes me gag.

Macaroni46 · 01/01/2024 13:34

Somatosensational · 01/01/2024 09:58

When you wash your hands, assuming you do it properly and for long enough, the combination of detergent and friction breaks down bacterial cell walls and any viruses present and then you rinse it all away with clean water. So if you're not rinsing your dishes, they're not properly clean.

This^

And to those asking if I rinse after having a bath: yes. I do. Otherwise the dirty bath water and soap suds would still be on my skin 🤷‍♀️

pickledandpuzzled · 01/01/2024 13:36

Lieblingsessen, what’s on your legs that’s so dirty? And what do you do with your legs that requires them to be scrubbed? My legs don’t get dirty under my skirt or in my trousers. They don’t prepare food, or touch anything except the inside of my pyjamas and other clothes. How do yours get so dirty and why do you require hygienic legs?

I’ve never been made ill from poor leg management, or indeed failed rinsing.

I have been sore and ill from using too much soap type product, so my skin barrier breaks down. We didn’t evolve to be scrubbed daily by chemicals.

Lieblingsessen · 01/01/2024 14:51

pickledandpuzzled · 01/01/2024 13:36

Lieblingsessen, what’s on your legs that’s so dirty? And what do you do with your legs that requires them to be scrubbed? My legs don’t get dirty under my skirt or in my trousers. They don’t prepare food, or touch anything except the inside of my pyjamas and other clothes. How do yours get so dirty and why do you require hygienic legs?

I’ve never been made ill from poor leg management, or indeed failed rinsing.

I have been sore and ill from using too much soap type product, so my skin barrier breaks down. We didn’t evolve to be scrubbed daily by chemicals.

The rest of my body also doesn't prepare food, is under clothes etc, but it still gets scrubbed along with my legs. Plus I use body lotions, creams and so on. There would be a build up of this if I didn't scrub everywhere, including my legs.

As I told my DS, standing underneath the shower doesn't mean he is clean. He has to actively clean himself (and rinse off).

Raxacoricofallapatorian · 01/01/2024 15:00

Somatosensational · 01/01/2024 09:58

When you wash your hands, assuming you do it properly and for long enough, the combination of detergent and friction breaks down bacterial cell walls and any viruses present and then you rinse it all away with clean water. So if you're not rinsing your dishes, they're not properly clean.

And yet I've never got ill from failing to rinse my washed dishes. Never had food poisoning, partner never had food poisoning (at least, not from eating at home), never had anyone get flu or a cold sore that wouldn't be better explained another way… in fact no apparent ill effect at all from all those germs and viruses. Those ones that cling on when scrubbed with a detergent-filled sponge then rinsed/rubbed in hot, reasonably clean washing-up water, but which will succumb to a subsequent quick sluice under a tap.

(None of this water is nearly hot enough, for long enough, to kill germs anyway — your tap water shouldn't be coming out much above 50°C. Dishwashers are the way to go for optimal microorganism removal, as they can use water hot enough to damage living things. And all those people routinely using teatowels, instead of letting things air-dry, are probably smearing on far more bacteria than ever get removed by rinsing. But even if there's living microorganisms clinging to my crockery, they're not going to multiply on a dry plate, so, meh 🤷🏻 They're probably no more dangerous than when I ate the food that dirtied the plate in the first place.)

Of course, I do have some common sense. Food waste is scraped off first, incredibly grubby things are soaked and the soaking water chucked, and as much fat as possible is wiped and binned rather than washed off, to protect my sewer. Things are washed in order from cleanest to dirtiest. Items washed later (and therefore in water that might be a bit greasy or have small amounts of food dissolved in it) tend to be those that will get very hot anyway — pans, baking trays, etc.. Visibly dirty water is ditched, as is water that's cooled enough that grease is harder to shift. My cloths and the sink are bleached and my sponges replaced regularly. A raw-chickeny chopping board, or something that's touched gluten, gets washed last, and the water thrown away — I wouldn't want to wash anything else in that water whether I was planning to dibble it under the tap afterwards or not, but that's probably largely awareness-campaign-induced over-caution.

And nothing on my draining rack has bits of food hidden under mounds of foam, as a PP suggested Hmm

I mean, okay, maybe there's more invisible living/dead germs and microscopic food particles on my dishes than a rinser's. In fact, yeah, I think it's likely. But a) is there any evidence showing significantly increased germ removal, with measurable health effects, from a quick extra rinse with warm water in a home environment, and b) if these potential extra germs don't actually harm those of us who eat from unrinsed dishes — which they don't appear to (I mean, it's a common way to wash up in the UK but I've never seen the FSA put out advice/campaigns urging people at home to rinse their washed dishes) — then why would I care about extra germs at all?

I might take extra-special care if I had an immunosuppressed family member, but I don't. If I were handwashing in a commercial context, I'd immerse the washed dishes into extremely hot water as recommended by the FSA in such settings (if handwashing is unavoidable), but then there's a lot of things restaurants need to do that aren't considered necessary in homes.

That leaves detergent residue. If there are people who really can taste it, or get films they don't like floating on drinks or whatever, then fair enough, I can see why they'd rinse. Hell, maybe microscopic Fairy residue that I can't detect is silently doing terrible cumulative damage to my insides. But as I said earlier, it's not enough that I or anyone in my family can taste it, it's not enough to trigger DP's SLS sensitivity, so I really can't bring myself to give enough of a fuck about it to start burning extra fossil fuels, draining away extra treated drinking water, or standing in front of the sink for any longer than I absolutely have to Grin

I do find it funny how utterly horrified and disgusted some Brits and very many non-Brits are by us death-defying non-rinsers, and the nauseating filth doubtless lurking invisibly on our hazardous plates. Something's going to kill me, and maybe it'll be un-rinsed washing-up, but I doubt it.

Raxacoricofallapatorian · 01/01/2024 15:10

A part of my brain that I can't switch off is pondering whether this:

The rest of my body also doesn't prepare food, is under clothes etc, but it still gets scrubbed along with my legs.

is in any way linked to the need for this:

Plus I use body lotions, creams and so on.

I bet you shower at least every day, and if you're abrasively scrubbing your entire body with detergents and hot water every time, it'd be no surprise if your skin was dry, rough, sensitive and taut.

Sometimes being a right slattern like me can actually be quite healthy Grin

Somatosensational · 01/01/2024 15:46

Raxacoricofallapatorian · 01/01/2024 15:00

And yet I've never got ill from failing to rinse my washed dishes. Never had food poisoning, partner never had food poisoning (at least, not from eating at home), never had anyone get flu or a cold sore that wouldn't be better explained another way… in fact no apparent ill effect at all from all those germs and viruses. Those ones that cling on when scrubbed with a detergent-filled sponge then rinsed/rubbed in hot, reasonably clean washing-up water, but which will succumb to a subsequent quick sluice under a tap.

(None of this water is nearly hot enough, for long enough, to kill germs anyway — your tap water shouldn't be coming out much above 50°C. Dishwashers are the way to go for optimal microorganism removal, as they can use water hot enough to damage living things. And all those people routinely using teatowels, instead of letting things air-dry, are probably smearing on far more bacteria than ever get removed by rinsing. But even if there's living microorganisms clinging to my crockery, they're not going to multiply on a dry plate, so, meh 🤷🏻 They're probably no more dangerous than when I ate the food that dirtied the plate in the first place.)

Of course, I do have some common sense. Food waste is scraped off first, incredibly grubby things are soaked and the soaking water chucked, and as much fat as possible is wiped and binned rather than washed off, to protect my sewer. Things are washed in order from cleanest to dirtiest. Items washed later (and therefore in water that might be a bit greasy or have small amounts of food dissolved in it) tend to be those that will get very hot anyway — pans, baking trays, etc.. Visibly dirty water is ditched, as is water that's cooled enough that grease is harder to shift. My cloths and the sink are bleached and my sponges replaced regularly. A raw-chickeny chopping board, or something that's touched gluten, gets washed last, and the water thrown away — I wouldn't want to wash anything else in that water whether I was planning to dibble it under the tap afterwards or not, but that's probably largely awareness-campaign-induced over-caution.

And nothing on my draining rack has bits of food hidden under mounds of foam, as a PP suggested Hmm

I mean, okay, maybe there's more invisible living/dead germs and microscopic food particles on my dishes than a rinser's. In fact, yeah, I think it's likely. But a) is there any evidence showing significantly increased germ removal, with measurable health effects, from a quick extra rinse with warm water in a home environment, and b) if these potential extra germs don't actually harm those of us who eat from unrinsed dishes — which they don't appear to (I mean, it's a common way to wash up in the UK but I've never seen the FSA put out advice/campaigns urging people at home to rinse their washed dishes) — then why would I care about extra germs at all?

I might take extra-special care if I had an immunosuppressed family member, but I don't. If I were handwashing in a commercial context, I'd immerse the washed dishes into extremely hot water as recommended by the FSA in such settings (if handwashing is unavoidable), but then there's a lot of things restaurants need to do that aren't considered necessary in homes.

That leaves detergent residue. If there are people who really can taste it, or get films they don't like floating on drinks or whatever, then fair enough, I can see why they'd rinse. Hell, maybe microscopic Fairy residue that I can't detect is silently doing terrible cumulative damage to my insides. But as I said earlier, it's not enough that I or anyone in my family can taste it, it's not enough to trigger DP's SLS sensitivity, so I really can't bring myself to give enough of a fuck about it to start burning extra fossil fuels, draining away extra treated drinking water, or standing in front of the sink for any longer than I absolutely have to Grin

I do find it funny how utterly horrified and disgusted some Brits and very many non-Brits are by us death-defying non-rinsers, and the nauseating filth doubtless lurking invisibly on our hazardous plates. Something's going to kill me, and maybe it'll be un-rinsed washing-up, but I doubt it.

Crikey. You do you, but it's not unreasonable for the OP to request her husband rinse the dishes to get them properly clean.

None of this water is nearly hot enough, for long enough, to kill germs anyway

Actually, water doesn't have to be hot to kill germs. What matters most is a soap of some sort, friction and rinsing.

pickledandpuzzled · 01/01/2024 15:56

Raxacoricofallapatorian · 01/01/2024 15:10

A part of my brain that I can't switch off is pondering whether this:

The rest of my body also doesn't prepare food, is under clothes etc, but it still gets scrubbed along with my legs.

is in any way linked to the need for this:

Plus I use body lotions, creams and so on.

I bet you shower at least every day, and if you're abrasively scrubbing your entire body with detergents and hot water every time, it'd be no surprise if your skin was dry, rough, sensitive and taut.

Sometimes being a right slattern like me can actually be quite healthy Grin

Totally agree- @Lieblingsessen I don’t need to use all those creams so I don’t need to scrub them off.

I find the fewer products I use, the fewer I need.

As for the heat of the water killing germs, maybe not, but the heat dissolves the grease allowing the dishes to drain effectively.

Raxacoricofallapatorian · 01/01/2024 16:35

Somatosensational · 01/01/2024 15:46

Crikey. You do you, but it's not unreasonable for the OP to request her husband rinse the dishes to get them properly clean.

None of this water is nearly hot enough, for long enough, to kill germs anyway

Actually, water doesn't have to be hot to kill germs. What matters most is a soap of some sort, friction and rinsing.

Crikey. You do you, but it's not unreasonable for the OP to request her husband rinse the dishes to get them properly clean.

Crikey to you too 👋🏻 That'll be why I said "If there are people who really can taste it, or get films they don't like floating on drinks or whatever, then fair enough, I can see why they'd rinse" since the taste of the detergent was OP's original complaint.

Actually, water doesn't have to be hot to kill germs. What matters most is a soap of some sort, friction and rinsing.

Yep, you can remove microorganisms with soap or detergent, friction, and any temperature of water (though hotter water tends to remove grease better, and removing grease should help reduce places germs can lurk and allow better access for any disinfectant component). And I know that you personally didn't mention water temperature in your comment. But if you really want minimal germs, handwashing is so profoundly inferior to a blisteringly hot germ-killing dishwasher cycle that whether you rinse in fresh water after handwashing seems neither here nor there (and ISTR hot water had been mentioned elsewhere in the thread, so thought I might as well cover it).

But we don't get thread after thread on how revolting it is that some people wash dishes by hand 🤢 then rub all of them, all over, with a reusable cotton rag 🤮 🤣

Willmafrockfit · 01/01/2024 17:18

so why do no modern houses have no double sinks
bil's 1950's or 60's house has a double, butler sink
new homes are not fitted with double sinks as standard.

Somatosensational · 01/01/2024 17:48

But we don't get thread after thread on how revoltingit is that some people wash dishes byhand🤢 then rub all of them, all over, with a reusable cotton rag 🤮 🤣

Maybe we should start one. I know there was an animated one recently about not having separate hand and tea towels, and using said all-purpose towel to dry the dishes Grin

PPTorPDF · 01/01/2024 18:12

LaurieStrode · 01/01/2024 13:32

@Lieblingsessen

Agree with you. The thought of the bacteria that is not being rinsed off makes me gag.

I've never rinsed and I've never had a stomach bug in my whole life and I've never had a mouthful of soap.

Raxacoricofallapatorian · 01/01/2024 19:23

Somatosensational · 01/01/2024 17:48

But we don't get thread after thread on how revoltingit is that some people wash dishes byhand🤢 then rub all of them, all over, with a reusable cotton rag 🤮 🤣

Maybe we should start one. I know there was an animated one recently about not having separate hand and tea towels, and using said all-purpose towel to dry the dishes Grin

Now that's just going too far 🤣

It seems it's as I have always suspected — anyone cleaner than me is ridiculously anal, anyone less clean than me is revoltingly slovenly Grin

BusterGonad · 02/01/2024 09:32

ArchetypalBusyMum · 01/01/2024 01:06

Well of course a rinse then a wash then a rinse is a total faff. So why not wash then rinse, same work cleaner result. 🥴

Because I like to wash in clean water. I hate floating food bits.

Giggorata · 02/01/2024 09:53

I'm finding it odd how vehemently people who don't rinse are defending their decision.
And then I remember my own “conversion”
I wasn't brought up to rinse and it never occurred to me to do so, until my sister, who lived abroad, saw me washing up and said with a little smile: “British people don't rinse”.
I felt a wave of resentment and was ready to get all defensive but I realised that there was no justification. When we wash anything else properly, we rinse.
So I rinse.

I'm now having that thing you get when you repeat a word until it sounds weird. Rinse.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page