Or is brother being Groomzilla?

[Putyourdamnshoeson]

Tricky family relationship. They live a plane ride away, within UK. Often tense when visiting, but continue to, more to see my wonderful aunts and cousins.
Brother is 8 years younger than me. Absolutely the golden child.
He is getting married in the summer but pre school holidays in our part of UK
It's a long time coming and he is excited, but oh my god, he is being over the top.

My dcs both in wedding party. DD14 hates the dress it is way too old for her and a horrible fit, colour, quality. By 5heir own admission it needs a.lot of adjustment before being fitted, but DD is smiling through it

DS12 is a groomsman. We have to give measurements and his suit will be hired at destination. Brother has asked son to have a particular, fairly intense, haircut, dS has declined, Brother kept pushing, so I stepped in. DS has Autism/ADHD and we already struggle. I have put my foot down, you don't get to dictate a haircut.

I messaged tonight with our proposed flights. Out at 11am on Friday back at 5pm Sunday. Apparently we are cutting it fine for Saturday wedding. I queried whether he'd read the day
correctly. To be told that suit fittings are Wednesday and us coming on Friday doesn't give enough time for suit fittings or haircuts (plural!!! DD14 as well).

i stood firm. They're having 1 day off school and we are taking a day's leave, spending £££ on flights, airport parking, hire car, potentially hotel (had hoped to stay with parents, although hateful doing so, but turns out uncle gets priority apparently). They are asking for money for honeymoon, with a suggested donation of £200 🙄

I know he is being unreasonable about lots of things, but AIBU not to fly until Friday mid day?

@Putyourdamnshoeson
It's just at the family weddings I've been part of, siblings who live elsewhere generally arrive a bit earlier and stay a bit later than you've planned (to spend time with family).
There's usually another get together the day after the wedding here, so I wouldn't have left until Monday anyway and would probably be aiming to arrive Thursday or earlier. But that's just me and I realise how expensive it all is and awkward for work and school. And I'm not sure if your DS will need to get back to routine sooner rather than later also.

If the suit hire is from a chain why can't you get a picture of the suit in question and hire it locally?

Turns out, not a chain

Ah, right. Well I wouldn't have the leave to take, nor would I take kids out for 3 days. There won't be a day after get together. Not a day before.

Ha! You'd win that bet

It seems quite standard for brides to dictate how bridesmaids should have their hair, so is it so very different for a groom to say how he wants the groomsmen to have their hair? The last few weddings I have been to the groomsmen have all been dressed the same and had the same haircuts... I don't like weddings and think your brother sounds way OTT, but as these things seem to go, the hairstyle thing doesn't seem too bad.

Op

Please please I have to know. What haircut is required?

It seems quite standard for brides to dictate how bridesmaids should have their hair, so is it so very different for a groom to say how he wants the groomsmen to have their hair
Big difference between how hair is styled and having it cut a certain way. OP has said styling is fine. Anyone demanding anyone have their hair actually cut a certain way is well into zilla territory.

I do think the timings are tight, flights are so unreliable and missing 2 days of school is probably not the end of the world but if you can't afford it you can't afford it, there should be no expectations if you are getting married somewhere not local to the people you 'expect' to be there.

The haircut thing is batshit, i can't even believe anyone would ask this, I also can't imagine having a bridesmaid dress that a 13 yo is uncomfortable with, I would make sure everyone is happy and, within reason, make adjustments.

He is being a complete dick about most of it!

I’ve been to weddings where all the bridesmaids had their hair up. I’ve been to weddings where they’ve all worn it curled. I’ve never been to one where they’d all had their hair cut into the same style.

That said, I do know someone who was asked to have layers cut into the front of her hair when she was a bridesmaid so that they could all have the same “updo”. She actually did it - even though she was trying to grow her fringe out 😳 I thought it was madness of the highest order.

Yes I would, being part of a weddi g party usually comes with commitments. If you dont want those commitments then just be a guest.

And as for school, most schools will allow two days off, failing that you call in sick. (Plus being in Wales fines really aren't a big thing)

And as for school, most schools will allow two days off

It won't be authorised in England. The OP will tell the school that her DC won't be in. Hopefully they won't incur a fine for just one day.

I can't see anything in any of the OP's posts that indicates that she is in Wales.

This won't be authorised, but I won't lie either, never a good idea. Their attendance is currently very good, so a fine for a day or two is not possible. It isn't about school fines though.

I can't believe I'm repeating this again; when he asked if they would be in the wedding party, I was very clear that it would be tricky, due to school and other commitments (at the time, I had a different job, which was term.time, so I had no optional leave, it was also school attendance related). I set out my stall, upfront, and let him decide whether he was ok with that before asking the children directly.

I can't believe I'm repeating this again

Lots of lazy posters don't bother reading your updates.

I personally would have gone earlier. You've decided to attend so why not use this opportunity to spend time with family. Don't let your jealousy of your brother get in the way.

If you really want teenagers to be involved days before the wedding then you need to get married in school holidays.

I imagine if the OP's brother had insisted they arrive the Wednesday before the wedding to be bridesmaid/groomsman the Op would have reconsidered whether they'd just be better off as guests. I know I would.

🤣🤣🤣 jealousy? Ah, bless

You have no idea, really.

Absolutely this. If this had been mentioned upfront, it would've just been a sorry, no.
I have however found out (by asking, cunning, I know) which firm he is using and he has said they haven't decided yet. So now I am really confused about where the Wednesday mandate is coming from.

I think it is more that he wants everyone there, possibly helping, maybe just to make it more of an event, really not sure at this point.

Well, it's booked. We are going on the very late Thursday flight. It's still not good enough it would seem, but it suits us.

Can't wait to hear the next drama. There has already been one this week involving the bride's family and my DB, so, it's definitely not me 🙄

Why do you dislike your brother so much?

Because he's overly demanding and utterly self-absorbed? Not that OP appears to hate him at all. She's just understandably exasperated by him.

Whatever about hate, it's clear she doesn't like him. Or her parents for that matter.

I didn't say hate, I said dislike. If my sisters sole intention at my wedding was to roll her eyes at every little decision, action or move I made - which it feels like the OP will given previous posts (I daresay we'll get a laundry list of all the "ridiculous" things he did/said after the event). She sure as hell wouldn't be coming.