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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To accept I live in chaos?

99 replies

Partlyavent · 30/12/2023 17:18

I have a 3 year old and a five month old baby and I never thought I had massively high standards but the disgusting state of my house is really getting me down and I am partly venting but also wondering how others have managed it. The baby cries whenever put down which is really frustrating (trying to clean one handed with her now) cleaners take the piss (and in any case need to tidy before they can clean) and on the odd occasion I manage to make some headway it looks just as it did within a few hours. Any advice?

OP posts:
Silverbirchtwo · 30/12/2023 17:19

I don't have your excuses and feel the same.

HollyGolightly4 · 30/12/2023 17:20

Team Tomm method - massively helped me, plus cleaning along with her guided cleans

Shiningout · 30/12/2023 17:21

I only have a six year old and this week my house is a state. It gets me down and usually I try and keep on top of things but with the kids being off school and all the extra mess from cooking, playing etc and the endless cardboard packaging from Christmas piled up in the kitchen it all just looks a mess. I've felt really unmotivated to do it and have just been doing the basics but next week I'm gonna try get it in order cuz it's pissing me off

HPLikecraft · 30/12/2023 17:22

Just relax. Your house doesn't have to be perfect. Concentrate on the important things, and make sure you take time for yourself, too.

Cleaning and tidying is a thankless and often pointless task anyway: things just get dirty and messy again in no time.

ghlily · 30/12/2023 17:22

Carry the baby, on your back or your front! Then you’ll have both hands free

Original poster
Partlyavent · 30/12/2023 17:23

Don’t they just! But I just find I can never find anything then get stressed and it adds to the mess eg five open packets of wipes at any one time.

OP posts:
SutWytTi · 30/12/2023 17:23

What standard are you aiming for?

Because I did not find it hard to maintain my standards, but they weren't very high.

What do you actually want your house to be like?

I did use a sling though.

Original poster
Partlyavent · 30/12/2023 17:24

I’ve never managed to make that work with slings, the second you need to pick anything up off the floor which let’s face it is constant it’s dangerous.

OP posts:
BMW6 · 30/12/2023 17:24

Is there someone who could take the children to their home for a few hours one day a week so you get the chance to have a major blitz on it? DH? Mum?

If you're cleaning for the cleaner cancel it. Pointless waste of money.

theduchessofspork · 30/12/2023 17:24

I am in quite a similar place and trying to improve

A slob comes clean is good

And getting rid of stuff

sling for the baby? Oh I see - in that case maybe try the above to get more of a grip on it, and reinstate the cleaner?

SutWytTi · 30/12/2023 17:25

Partlyavent · 30/12/2023 17:23

Don’t they just! But I just find I can never find anything then get stressed and it adds to the mess eg five open packets of wipes at any one time.

This is a different issue.

Putting things away and cleaning are separate, being organised is actually vital for my sanity as looking for stuff tips me over the edge.

zigzag716746zigzag · 30/12/2023 17:26

Partlyavent · 30/12/2023 17:24

I’ve never managed to make that work with slings, the second you need to pick anything up off the floor which let’s face it is constant it’s dangerous.

How would it be dangerous to pick something off the floor with a baby in a sling? (Genuine question. I carried both of mine and never encountered this as an issue.)

SutWytTi · 30/12/2023 17:26

Partlyavent · 30/12/2023 17:24

I’ve never managed to make that work with slings, the second you need to pick anything up off the floor which let’s face it is constant it’s dangerous.

You do not have to wear one of course, but it is not dangerous, you bend your knees. Obviously you can't pick up big items but small items are fine.

Original poster
Partlyavent · 30/12/2023 17:27

It’s fairly obvious from the title of the thread I’m not living in a well organised mess!

We don’t have a cleaner and I don’t plan to get another. I just find they do a really poor job getting worse over time. I’ve lost trust (we tried with three.)

I am happy to do it myself I just don’t see HOW!

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 30/12/2023 17:27

Get a big box. Put loads of the mess in it.

You'll feel better straight away. You can sort through the box when you get chance, but all 5 packs of wipes will be in there (for example) so it'll be easier to put them all into one big tupperware box and stash in the bathroom until you empty the first pack.

Everything you need will come out one by one, and you'll have a period where things are just as you want them. Then, when it gets out of control again... shove it all in the box.

Scarletttulips · 30/12/2023 17:27

Baby probably has reflux.

Lift the mattress and put the baby down.

Tag team when they go to bed

Get organised - saves loads of time.

Batch cook - saves time and money

Have clear out - saves your sanity.

Cazs818 · 30/12/2023 17:28

I set timers busy mum of 5 , 5/10 min speed tidy / clean to keep on top of the high traffic areas

The kids have little sand timers and we turn in to a game who can tidy the most , weekends we tend to do a more thorough clean before taking them out to run of some steam .

Sundays are normally full on preparation for the week ahead , schools clothes , work clothes etc.

as they get older it becomes more manageable and you can start to delegate little tasks out more

Original poster
Partlyavent · 30/12/2023 17:29

She doesn’t have reflux, she’s just fussy. Hoping it’s a phase as she was like this as a newborn, it wasn’t just that she always wanted to be held which was normal enough but you had to be constantly moving. Then she was content to be in a bouncer for a bit - not ages but enough for a quick keeping on top of things - but now she’s like she was as a newborn again but heavier. I suppose at lest my arm muscles will be well defined!

OP posts:
Ladyofthepond · 30/12/2023 17:40

Is your house a safe environment for the kids? If so then it's fine. You have a toddler and a baby. It's gonna be chaos and I feel for you, but it won't be like that forever.

I do get that it's frustrating; mess stresses me out, sadly I am the MOST disorganised person in the world.

I don't have any amazing tips, but do totally agree on the cleaner it doesn't help with the day-to-day drudgery, I also hope that your partner is doing their fair share.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/12/2023 17:53

You expect your passenger to pull his weight

Original poster
Partlyavent · 30/12/2023 17:53

SleepingStandingUp · 30/12/2023 17:53

You expect your passenger to pull his weight

Sorry?

OP posts:
Goinoutalone · 30/12/2023 17:57

The main thing you need to do is get organised first, then tidying is easier which makes cleaning easier

Original poster
Partlyavent · 30/12/2023 17:58

Yes, but getting organised probably takes even more time. I’m sitting helplessly as ds drags toys around the house 😩

OP posts:
SutWytTi · 30/12/2023 18:03

I asked upthread what standard do you want to aim for? Other than hygiene and safety, there is no right or wrong - so of course you can accept the chaos if you wish. But also you can do bits and make some progress if you want to.

Goinoutalone · 30/12/2023 18:05

Well unfortunately it’s not going to do it itself, so you either organise and work on it or just get used to living in chaos whichever you prefer, not being rude but it’s that simple. One room at a time to get organised, think logically, what is the room used for? What do you need there to make life easier? What do you NOT need there? Give everything a place and make sure it stays there.