To accept I live in chaos?

[Partlyavent]

I have a 3 year old and a five month old baby and I never thought I had massively high standards but the disgusting state of my house is really getting me down and I am partly venting but also wondering how others have managed it. The baby cries whenever put down which is really frustrating (trying to clean one handed with her now) cleaners take the piss (and in any case need to tidy before they can clean) and on the odd occasion I manage to make some headway it looks just as it did within a few hours. Any advice?

Sure but where do you put the big box? I’ve no issues in throwing toys in boxes but it does mean they become messy and broken quite quickly (I accept this depends on the type of toy.)

Tidy lounge and kitchen when kids in bed. Every night, when they are in bed, spend 30 mins tidying kitchen, lounge, clean a bathroom etc. Rotate jobs.

Have a basket for toys and before tea tell dc it's tidy time and help them put stuff away. Bedrooms too. Waking up or coming down to a mess is disheartening and not good practice for them. 10 mins at night pre bed and leaving your bedroom tidy! Washing in laundry basket, bed made, toys away. Etc.

Bin the cleaner. Spend the money on tea and cake out to congratulate yourselves on a tidy house.

You currently have room for the toys all over the floor (by the sounds of it), so presumably they'd take up less space if they were in a sturdy storage box or two, perhaps under a bed/sofa, on top of a wardrobe, behind a door, on top of the washing machine etc? Alternatively, bags can hang on hooks on the back of doors, which can save lots of floor space by using vertical space?

How big are the toys? Could you have a shoe holder that hangs on a door, and put a toy or two in each shoe pocket?

This kind of thing? 24 items less of mess would make a big difference... or you could shove all your open packs of wipes in one pocket.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Whitmor-6082-13-Natural-Storage-Organizer/dp/B002OEJ77W/ref=asc_df_B002OEJ77W/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=613496514418&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=12496788458348030234&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045057&hvtargid=pla-323029676114&mcid=50683975cafd355c85867b06ca6c42a3&th=1

Try and get your three year old to help with jobs.

My three year old loves loading the washing machine. Then before each meal or before we go out we would put the tidy up song on and both have 10mins tidying toys away. Just little and often. I do sympathise though.

I think you need to have a very frank discussion with your DH. He can’t monopolise the garage - it is a family asset, and would be great if you could store / de-clutter to there. So he needs to organise his stuff better, you need to invest in some stackable see-through boxes, then pack away the majority of toys in there (and to the garage) for rotation. Also, declutter to see-through boxes for sorting out later, and keep these in the garage, labelled up, so you can return and sort these when you have a spare half hour (which will happen more regularly if you massively reduce the amount of stuff in your house! Your DH needs to get on side with this - you prob spend more of your time in the house and you need a calm and happy environment :)

the garage is DHs domain

Was this a joint decision? Has he got as much space as he wants, whilst you struggle?

Op, similar ages and I feel the same. I’m determined to deep clean and declutter every room from Jan 1st - I’ll aim for a room a day. Then we’re having a strict schedule to keep on top of it all going forward (inc laundry and ironing etc), once the big deep clean is all done. We were really good at keeping on top of it then Christmas happened and we’re back to square one. Chucking a load of crap out will make the cleaning much easier. The not so hidden secret is to be disciplined with not replacing what you get rid of though!

My 2 have a similar age gap but are a little older now but I know it feels like you don't scratch the surface some days.

A few things that help me:

1. A basket upstairs and a basket downstairs. If I have an item upstairs that needs to go down it goes in the basket and vice versa. If I'm going up I take the basket with me and pop the bits in the room they need to go.

1. Bathtime I use to my advantage. Once the kids are washed and happily splashing I'll quickly clean over the sink/toilet or mirror. Helps keep on top of it and means it tends to stay quite clean.

1. Declutter even if it's 1 drawer a day, make sure things have a home. It's far easier to tidy if you have less stuff and everything has a place. I'm not a naturally organised tidy person but this made a big difference. I wasn't having to buy replacements of things because I couldn't find what I was looking for (we ended up with 8 rolls of sellotape at one point- sounds similar to you and the wipes)

1. When you're feeling overwhelmed grab a drink of water before doing anything else, being thirsty makes everything worse. Then just grab 5 items from your site line and get them away. If you have energy or time carry on. If not 5 is better than nothing!

1. 1 load of washing a day. I fold at the end of the day watching TV and tend to put away the following evening after bath time when the kids are most likely to be calm enough for me to take 5 minutes to do it.

Once I had 2 I learnt my standards had to adjust a bit. Keep plodding on, it does get easier.

My youngest is 3 now and its all a lot easier, but when I was in the thick of it I would keep at least one corner of a room clean and tidy with a cosy lamp and a place to sit, so that at least there’s somewhere you can relax despite it all. Don’t run yourself into the ground tidying every room every day if its just all going to come out again in the morning.

The three year old ends up inevitably causing more mess. It isn’t intentional but for example when choosing books at bedtime he was being a bit silly and took them all out and I told him to put them back and he did - just pictured the result!

Anyway, it probably isn’t all that bad. I’ve been sleeping very badly because the baby has been sleeping badly, and it’s made me feel a bit tearful and overwhelmed. Silly things are getting to me. I never thought I’d get upset over toys strewn over a house but I think I’m feeling a bit rubbish at everything and it’s making me feel all edgy and irritable.

Theres no answer unfortunately. Just a massive toy box, trying to be rigid about activities only taking place in their designated room (ie only eat at dining table even snacks) and being religious about cleaning the kitchen before bed. I got nothin’ else 🤷🏼‍♀️

You need to sit your 3 year old down and have a gentle discussion with them - say that mummy is feeling very very tired and would prefer to spend time having fun with them rather than tidying up. Also say it is a responsibility having ‘stuff’ - they need to be able to look after it carefully, otherwise they can’t have it. You could say that in future, if things are going to be left out then they will be packed away until dc can learn to look after them properly. So things can then be packed away in the garage - if dc doesn’t look after their things, then they obviously don’t care about them! If they can change their behaviour then they can have them back (in the rotation). Wish I had done this when mine were small ;)

@Stoufer he is only just three. I don’t think he’s intentionally causing a mess but there is no way he’d respond to a gentle discussion or really understand what looking after meant. As above - I told him to put his books back and he did but obviously I’ll have to do that again. We will get there. If things were put in the garage realistically they’d just be forgotten about and gather mould (and there’s no room in the garage anyway.)

There’s zero chance of a 3 year old taking that in.

Thanks @Naptrappedmummy , I read things like that and panic my child is massively behind!

to avoid the chance of a mess when you really are not in a mood @Partlyavent you pick 3 books (one being a known fave) and give your dc the option. Would that work? Ye hen it avoids a mess to tidy.

My 4.5 year old would pretend to understand in the moment then go back to throwing toys about 10 minutes later. The ‘mumsnet child’ is like a mythical creature to me!

The books are something and nothing really, takes seconds to put away. But just explaining how involving a three year old doesn’t necessarily mean that your workload reduces!

Is your 3 year old at nursery? They will probably have rules and routines about putting things away at nursery, you could ask your child what happens at nursery, and then say that you will be doing that at home too. Ask the nursery staff as well, maybe they can help reinforce the concept of tidying up at home.

Same here, but I've only got one 18month old. I'm off work next week but I'm still sending him to nursery for 2 days and I'm going to have a massive declutter and a trip (or 2) to the tip and hope that helps. No advice though, I feel exactly the same.

He does attend nursery but there is no way he’d respond to the sort of advice above. I can get him to comply up to a point but he wouldn’t be able to put things away sensibly as the books show.

And if I asked him what happened at nursery with regards to tidying up I definitely wouldn’t get an answer that made any sense!

Ask the staff at nursery, and they can tell you what the routine is - do they have a song, or a story time afterwards or whatever. Then do the same at home, and remind dc3 that this is what they do at nursery. I know it will take more effort in the short term, but if you can manage to do that it will massively pay off in the long run (I mentioned earlier, I didn’t do this, and I get so upset by all the mess generated by my teens, and it seems to be massively ingrained behaviour)..

Actions definitely speak volumes with small ones - have a black bag, and say ‘what shall we do with these books? If you don’t want to put them away nicely then we will have to put them in the garage’ - and leave the choice up to them. It’s a win-win thing, as they will get the message as their toys / books start reducing, and it helps you declutter in the meantime!

@Stoufer - can we move on, please?