To accept I live in chaos?

[Partlyavent]

I have a 3 year old and a five month old baby and I never thought I had massively high standards but the disgusting state of my house is really getting me down and I am partly venting but also wondering how others have managed it. The baby cries whenever put down which is really frustrating (trying to clean one handed with her now) cleaners take the piss (and in any case need to tidy before they can clean) and on the odd occasion I manage to make some headway it looks just as it did within a few hours. Any advice?

We have just come back from my family home where we were for Christmas (long drive away)
The amount of stuff we have taken out of the car and piled into the hallway is insane. Between everyone's suitcases and presents it is chaotic and I've no idea where it's all going to go 😬
I haven't done anything with it yet. And the kids are off for another week so it may need to wait until then 🙈 At least the car is clear of s**t though! 🤣 Honestly this time of year is the worst for me. Too many toys and clothes for the kids from both us and family.

@Mystro202 i hate that, when you’re back from away and there’s just stuff all over the place!

Also have a baby and toddler so even when older kids do go back to school it will still take me weeks to get on top of the house 😫

It's fine

You're in the trenches

This will pass.

Can’t solve the general problem of a clingy baby and messy preschooler but I would say that we found bookcases generally unhelpful at that age, and a big plastic tub or two for picture books worked better. That way they can see the fronts to find the book they want without taking them all out. Think about how the library does it with picture books, they’re not on shelves just in compartments, that’s what the tub does.

Small changes can help. Otherwise it’s just muddling through!

Op we had to clean with baby strapped to us, obviously no spraying chemicals.

Could you try strapping to back a la African style?

I was too sleep deprived (was so bad for a few years I would hallucinate), too depressed, and too stressed to clean more than the bare minimum for a very long time. It's fine now, we all do it together so no stress, it's just as dh said - "I don't expect any perfection the first few years, we're just going to get by and it'll be fine, we don't need the stress of a perfect house so don't worry".

Like a PP said, you need to try The Organised Mum Method (TOMM).
It's 15 mins a day of 'Level 1' cleans which is the same daily clean each day.
Then 30 mins a day of 'Level 2' cleans which is a slightly deeper clean of that day's allocated room: Monday living room, Tuesday Bedrooms, Wednesday Hall and stairs, Thursday kitchen, then each Friday changes (Fridays are 8 different deeper cleans for different areas, on a rolling 8 week schedule). And there are also schedules for decluttering and an initial messy house boot camp if you need to start with that first.
Honestly, please try it. I spent years just trying to clean all day and my house was still a shithole. It's absolutely changed my life.
It's 45 minutes a day (Mon-Fri so no cleaning at the weekend) but you can tweak it to what works for you.
I started it when my kids were young, and I also have chronic health issues, so some weeks I'll stick to the daily 45 minutes, but some weeks I can't manage it so will have a catch up once I'm feeling better or have more time. Sometimes I go weeks without doing it but my house is so much cleaner from when I do stick to it. And it makes you realise how much you can get done in a small amount of time, so sometimes I break it all up into 5 minute chunks throughout the day.
There's an app which I think is £5, and I also pay £3.60(?) a month to listen to her talking in my ear while I'm doing the housework, I find that really helps. But you can just find all the guides online to help you.

I had a very clingy baby and toddler so got a sling for contact naps and helped to keep on top of the house

You just do it OP. If the baby cries then if they are safe a few minutes isn’t going to cause them permanent damage. Put things away after you use them. Always clean the kitchen surfaces, wipe the bathrooms as you go to bed. The toddler to pick up toys every night before bath.

honestly . Big girl pants. Get on with it!

OP - you have had lots of advice (all disregarded or ignored) and also asking why your partner can't help? If you want things to change, you have to change what you are doing.

I used a baby carrier when mine were babies and wouldn’t be put down, or sometimes the white noise or hoover would sooth them so I’d leave the hoover running whilst I got other jobs done. But agree in doing 10 min bursts where you can, and lower your standards. It’s fine for it to be messy when kids are young

Sure and I have said above that I recognise I’m overreacting because I’m tired and run down.

If you’re looking for me to agree that leaving my baby to cry is a good idea or that my husband isn’t pulling his weight then I can’t I’m afraid.

For 5 minutes whilst you empty the dishwasher?! Jeez. Sorry OP. What does the baby do when your toddler needs help in the toilet or you have a wee yourself?? ( if you take the baby with you then this is your issue!!). But the truth seems to be that you just can’t be arsed and you’ll use any excuse to not do the jobs. You’d rather live in a mess than actually tidy and get yourself together.

that’s cool If that’s the case, but don’t ask for help if you don’t actually want to change any of your bad habits and improve your living conditions.

Hire a babysitter to come and focus on the children while you focus on the cleaning?

that seems like your only option at this point if you don’t want hire a cleaner.

That was my baby and what i did until she was almost 2, I used to carry her on my back- wash up, hoover and also out. And I'm Polish - https://www.google.com/search?q=how+tie+a+baby+up+on+your+back+african+way&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari#kpvalbx=MamQZejeHqCF9u8PyOCT2AUU_46. It's great exercise too!!!

Honestly, you can't clean clutter. Throw away everything you can possibly bear to. The less possessions you have, magically the house will feel easier. It's never going to be perfect, maybe not even close. But 'stuff' is your enemy....

I once saw a line on Mumsnet that read ‘everyone fed and nobody dead’. Honestly, you’re dealing with a lot. No-one is expecting homes and gardens.

I totally get you! It’s a mental health drain. I feel like no matter how much I do to tidy and clean, I end up in same position by end of the day. It’s exhausting! It’s a constant source of friction in my relationship with my partner because he is so untidy. The 3 year old is the same but at least she’s started to tidy up her toys upon request. At least 1 of them is learning!

The Organised Mum on Insta. I personally find her slightly annoying but the idea is a really good one.

I had 3 kids and never even owned a potty. All used the toilet from the get go.

Honestly @LookatPercy I can't stress how much it's a game changer. The guided cleaning helps, because I'm not a very logical person and I'm literally told what to do, so it removes the overthinking and panicking of where to start.

She also does it for children which I think is an excellent idea!

You have a cleaner for ten hours a week?? Was that a typo?

In my area that would be £200 a week! Plus the house would be getting a deep clean every seven days.