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Original poster

Is this something I should worry about?

68 replies

K900 · 30/12/2023 16:57

I recently changed my first name at the age of 29/30. I'm just wondering how do I deal with bumping into past work colleagues or women I dated? I don't know how I'd deal with the awkwardness. I was just uncomfortable going by my first name and chose something I preferred. I'm a man and I live in a small city where I'm bound to bump into people I know. It's making me a bit anxious. Thanks.

OP posts:
WhateverMate · 30/12/2023 17:00

If it's awkward when they say "Hello Dave, how are you?" Just reply with "Fine thanks, how are you?"

DominiqueBernard · 30/12/2023 17:01

Perhaps just say "oh by the way I like to be called X now". I have a colleague who did this and it was an issue for about 2 minutes, i.e. oh, OK, that's nice, is your e-mail address the same? Then done.

I expect most people will be unfazed and kind, but there's always one who's a bit awkward (about everything), try to remember it's them not you.

rochethenut · 30/12/2023 17:04

it’s quite possible that women you have dated and ex colleagues have forgotten your original name anyway!

rochethenut · 30/12/2023 17:05

OP… this is the second name change you have made according to your other thread?

SurelySmartie · 30/12/2023 17:05

If you’re only bumping into them I’m not sure it really matters as PP suggested just say hello.
Or you could learn to not give a crap about what other people think and get professional help for your anxiety.

SEG152 · 30/12/2023 17:08

Just say Hi, nice to see you. I actually go by the name of X now.

If you really feel the need to explain yourself more just say you never really liked your previous name or that you’re starting a new chapter in your life and the change felt right.

People change name, sex, hair colour, sexual preferences etc all the time. Don’t worry too much what people will think. As long as you’re happy that’s all that matters.

Original poster
K900 · 30/12/2023 17:08

DominiqueBernard · 30/12/2023 17:01

Perhaps just say "oh by the way I like to be called X now". I have a colleague who did this and it was an issue for about 2 minutes, i.e. oh, OK, that's nice, is your e-mail address the same? Then done.

I expect most people will be unfazed and kind, but there's always one who's a bit awkward (about everything), try to remember it's them not you.

I was walking around the other day and dreaded bumping into people I know. I'd be really anxious if I came across girls I dated. Especially girls I kind of had a relationship for a while with, I don't know how I'd get through that awkwardness.

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 30/12/2023 17:11

They won't care in all likelihood

Megifer · 30/12/2023 17:14

"Oh hi Cholmondely, how are you?"

"Oh hey, yeah I'm good. I actually go by the name Brian now"

Or

""Oh hi Cholmondely, how are you?"

"Yea good thanks, you?"

Should be fine.

Original poster
K900 · 30/12/2023 17:15

rochethenut · 30/12/2023 17:05

OP… this is the second name change you have made according to your other thread?

Yeah, I went by my middle name for a few years but in the end I decided to go by a name that suited me more and that felt more like me. I didn't want to live with a name the rest of my life that I didn't feel comfortable with. I thought hard about this and did talk to counselors about it too. I feel happier now but do feel that others won't take me too serious or else will rib me for doing it. That's my main worry

OP posts:
civetcat · 30/12/2023 17:20

I did this in my early 30s and have a friend who changed both given and surnames in his late 20s/early 30s. I just told people "I'm called xxx now" and that was fine. It was administratively easy for me as I used one of my other forenames. My friend changed his name by deed poll and sent out copies of the document with his new name. People who have known you a long time may inadvertently call you by your previous name but they get used to it quickly enough. People didn't find it a big deal for them.

manoffthelead · 30/12/2023 17:22

No, you should not be worried about it. Enjoy your new name, and just get on with it.

rochethenut · 30/12/2023 17:22

and the consensus on your other thread, was that changing your name again was not going to help you.

rochethenut · 30/12/2023 17:23

ok so - not for beat around the bush, there will be people 🤔 and possibly 😃 at the fact you have changed your name again

But!!! it will be a fleeting chuckle or a 2 min gossip and then… forgotten

Original poster
K900 · 30/12/2023 17:36

rochethenut · 30/12/2023 17:22

and the consensus on your other thread, was that changing your name again was not going to help you.

I needed to make the change for my mental health. I don't feel awkward saying my name anymore, it will only be awkward saying it in front of people who know me as my previous name

OP posts:
Catza · 30/12/2023 17:40

I'll have to agree with the other posters. You are not so important that people will be talking about your name change for generations to come.
I bet most of your exes wouldn't want to have long-winded chats with you anyway. I would feel way more awkward about the remote possibility of bumping into one of my exes full stop. With or without the name change.

Minglingpringle · 30/12/2023 17:42

Literally just tell them.
“Hi Bob.”
”Hi Bert. I’ve changed my name now, by the way, legal and everything. I’m called Bill. I’m really happy about it.”
”Bill. I really like it!”

Only a meanie would say something negative about this. So if someone does, you can ignore it.

FiddleLeaf · 30/12/2023 17:43

If they’re not in your life it doesn’t matter what they think your name is.

It sounds like a projection of anxiety & would be a non issue for most.

Retrievemysanity · 30/12/2023 17:43

In all honesty, I don’t think anyone cares.

AreYouThereDog · 30/12/2023 17:45

Have you changed to a woman’s name?

SutWytTi · 30/12/2023 17:46

rochethenut · 30/12/2023 17:22

and the consensus on your other thread, was that changing your name again was not going to help you.

Why are you posting this?

The OP has changed their name and is asking for advice about that.

Original poster
K900 · 30/12/2023 17:47

rochethenut · 30/12/2023 17:23

ok so - not for beat around the bush, there will be people 🤔 and possibly 😃 at the fact you have changed your name again

But!!! it will be a fleeting chuckle or a 2 min gossip and then… forgotten

Yes, I'm preparing myself to be interrogated by some people. Just sucks I've had to go through this awkward journey

OP posts:
Shootin · 30/12/2023 17:50

It will be yesterdays news soon.
Your life. Don’t worry.

RubyTrees · 30/12/2023 17:51

SEG152 · 30/12/2023 17:08

Just say Hi, nice to see you. I actually go by the name of X now.

If you really feel the need to explain yourself more just say you never really liked your previous name or that you’re starting a new chapter in your life and the change felt right.

People change name, sex, hair colour, sexual preferences etc all the time. Don’t worry too much what people will think. As long as you’re happy that’s all that matters.

People change name, sex, hair colour, sexual preferences etc all the time.

Nope, no one can change sex - not even once.

FiddleLeaf · 30/12/2023 17:54

I can’t think of a time I’ve bumped into someone and they’ve said my name unless I’m being introduced. Is that even likely to happen?

No one will interrogate you. In the nicest way possible, people are focused on themselves and their problems.