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Original poster

DH gets jealous when I spend time with DD

54 replies

ch33sestring · 30/12/2023 16:03

Basically as it says in the title - DH gets jealous when I spend time with our daughter. She is an adult, early twenties, but she does have mental health issues so I do tend to overspoil her and as she has been staying with us over Xmas I have been taking her out for coffees a lot, doing puzzles together etc. DH makes snide comments about me spoiling her and choosing her over him, the day before she arrived he complained that I was too excited to see her. They don't have a close relationship so she is a source of resentment for him I think, but hate being stuck in the middle and don't know what to do!!!

OP posts:
DoAWheelie · 30/12/2023 16:06

Get rid of the DH. He will ruin your relationship with your daughter sooner or later. You can already seem him gearing up for his "it's her or me" ultimatum".

Firebird83 · 30/12/2023 16:08

My dad was like this and it really affected my relationship with my mum. I’m not close to either of them anymore.

Ash099 · 30/12/2023 16:10

My mum was jealous of me and my sisters relationship with our dad. Now as adults none of us are close to either of them.

LusaBatoosa · 30/12/2023 16:10

I got angry just reading this. There is something very wrong with your husband.

MrInbetween · 30/12/2023 16:12

Easy answer, to quote many a sensible MNetter….LTB

Seriously, we model the future relationships we have to our children. Basically what you model here is that your DD is to have a relationship with men/women who do not respect or value her.

Im about to go out for a meal and cinema with my DD. My DHs response? ‘I’m so glad you’re doing something nice together’.

Tagyoureit · 30/12/2023 16:14

That's really strange!!

I'd confront it and ask why he feels the need to be such a dick about you spending time with your own child!

DeeCeeCherry · 30/12/2023 16:15

Absolute weirdo

AuroraForever · 30/12/2023 16:16

‘Choosing her over him’ what a bizarre thing for him to say to you. I’d either be telling him to sort out whatever problem he has with her or I’d be telling him to fuck off.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/12/2023 16:17

Do you know why he doesn’t like her? It sounds desperately sad. No wonder she’s got poor mental health.

Ffsmakeitstop · 30/12/2023 16:17

Tell him to grow up or fuck off his choice.

Maray1967 · 30/12/2023 16:18

ch33sestring · 30/12/2023 16:03

Basically as it says in the title - DH gets jealous when I spend time with our daughter. She is an adult, early twenties, but she does have mental health issues so I do tend to overspoil her and as she has been staying with us over Xmas I have been taking her out for coffees a lot, doing puzzles together etc. DH makes snide comments about me spoiling her and choosing her over him, the day before she arrived he complained that I was too excited to see her. They don't have a close relationship so she is a source of resentment for him I think, but hate being stuck in the middle and don't know what to do!!!

There shouldn’t be any uncertainty about what you do. You sit your DH down and give him hell. I would tell mine how pathetic he is and how little I respect him for behaving like this - except that I won’t because he loves our DC and would never act like this.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/12/2023 16:18

It's no wonder at all that your daughter has mental health issues, and it horrifies me that you sit back and tolerate this wretched man.

Mumofyellows · 30/12/2023 16:20

ch33sestring · 30/12/2023 16:03

Basically as it says in the title - DH gets jealous when I spend time with our daughter. She is an adult, early twenties, but she does have mental health issues so I do tend to overspoil her and as she has been staying with us over Xmas I have been taking her out for coffees a lot, doing puzzles together etc. DH makes snide comments about me spoiling her and choosing her over him, the day before she arrived he complained that I was too excited to see her. They don't have a close relationship so she is a source of resentment for him I think, but hate being stuck in the middle and don't know what to do!!!

Ohhhh I can so relate to this! My daughter doesn't have MH issues but we are super close and when she is home from Uni my husband is absolutely ridiculous. At my wits end with it and don't know what to do for the best now. Crap, isn't it!!

Aquamarine1029 · 30/12/2023 16:21

but hate being stuck in the middle and don't know what to do!!!

Come the FUCK on. You aren't stuck anywhere, you choose to stay there. For once, choose your daughter. Do you really think she hasn't noticed how you still cow to her father?

Raspberrymoon49 · 30/12/2023 16:23

Any man jealous of a child, whatever age, isn’t a man in true sense of the word, he’s a kid who has stuff to work on and probably won’t, to have that trait would be an instant turn off for me and couldn’t be with someone as emotionally immature and ignorant as that

TomatoSandwiches · 30/12/2023 16:23

I wonder why your daughter has MH issues op?

There is something very wrong with any parent that feels jealous of the attention their children receive by their other parent.

His pov would make me feel ill and I would have absolutely no respect for him, what a pathetic little man he is.

TrolleyCase · 30/12/2023 16:23

My 18y has some MH issues. We are very close. If i say I am doing something with her, my husband would say, ‘great idea’ as he knows it will help her.

What is wrong with people who see their kids as ‘competition’??

StrawberryWater · 30/12/2023 16:26

Your DH is a strange man. Why on earth would you claim to be 'stuck in the middle' when you choose to be there? There should only be one side here and that's with your daughter, not some insecure weirdo of a husband.

You DD probably has mental health issues because of him. I bet she's been dealing with this her whole life. I bet it's not new.

Bin him.

Oh and the next time he asks 'are you choosing her over me?' reply with 'absolutely'.

Begsthequestion · 30/12/2023 16:28

I have to wonder if her mental health issues are at least in part due to her father's behaviour.

You said "They don't have a close relationship so she is a source of resentment for him" but perhaps it's the other way round - he resents her for some reason, so how could they be very close?

Do you have other kids? If so, how does he interact with them? I'm suspecting it could be a scapegoat vs golden child scenario, might be worth looking that up OP.

As for what to do - shut down his petty jealousy. Tell him it's normal for a mother and daughter to enjoy each others company, esp if she's away a lot of the time, and that he needs to drop it or look into why he feels this way about his own kid.

3luckystars · 30/12/2023 16:34

Is he her dad? What a weirdo.

Tonight1 · 30/12/2023 16:50

Poor daughter 😬

Can't he just catch up with friends/family? He sounds jealous and possessive. Don't allow him to drive a wedge between you.

After she goes home, time for a talk.

Bex5490 · 30/12/2023 17:17

OP - How do you respond when he makes these comments? Do you let him know how petty he sounds?

Guiltypleasures001 · 30/12/2023 17:19

Are any of her issues anything to do with him at all?

SparkleyMud · 30/12/2023 17:22

You need to tell him that his reaction is totally unacceptable and that he should be happy that you are investing in someone that he should love unconditionally and want the best for.

GreatGateauxsby · 30/12/2023 17:32

Is he her father???

tbh whether he is or not the only thing to do is tell him to pack it in
and that if he’d love to have a nice day out with you maybe he could plan something himself and invite you….

what a knobhead… jealous of a child…