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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How can I stop my (just) 13 year old DS eating shit/drinking fizzy drinks so often?

80 replies

zeroherozero · 30/12/2023 16:02

So, I admit that I am a big fan of homemade food and eating nutritionally. I'm also a great cook. So DC get great meals. But DS absolutely loves shite too. And as he becomes more and more independent, he wants to drink fizzy drinks or those bags of shitty sweets - a lot.

We talk to him a lot about it - making him understand that it's important what he puts into his body - and he says ok, but then goes ahead and buys this stuff.

In context, it's been particularly bad in the holidays - he doesn't tend to do anything as much in term time during the week. But it's hard to see him drink coke, want coke etc every day. He's really small for his age (constitutional, we think) and I worry about this being affected even more by diet (which I also explain to him) and also of course, teeth, general well being etc.

But it's really hard to control. He's more and more independent. He has a card with money on. We could take it away and he'd use his Xmas money. Or his friends pay.

Am I being overly neurotic?

OP posts:
LunaLovegoodsLeftEyebrow · 30/12/2023 16:03

Stop buying them for the house.

That would work for us because we live miles from the shops.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 30/12/2023 16:06

Well, you could stop buying it and prevent him having access to his money but will that help?

The more you tell him he can't, the more he is likely to rebel and want it more.

All food is fine in moderation. Assist him to moderate, don't ban it. Buy x amount, and say that's all he gets for that week.

OurfriendsintheNE · 30/12/2023 16:06

As above, only buy what you want household members to eat/drink. Otherwise, at that age I would say totally take a step back. Nothing like being told not to do something to make a teen think it’s worth doing. Or keep at it and let him feel like a rebel for drinking fizzy juice, it’s better than booze or fags!

Benibidibici · 30/12/2023 16:10

Provide a fixed amount of treats.

you might be able to at least improve the quality of what he snacks on by (for example) making home made cookies/fudge/toffee so it isnt processed toxic crap. Buy stuff like appletiser or orangina rather than prime etc. Agree a set budget each week for utter crap, if you try to completely make it forbidden you make it more desirable.

Take away money if he keeps buying more. Explain that his right to money as a child comes with responsibility, and he isn't demonstrating any. His friends might treat him initially but won't do that for long.

Original poster
zeroherozero · 30/12/2023 16:13

Ok, to be clear - we don't have any fizzy drinks in the house. Ever. We don't drink them. We have crisps and brunch bars for snacks - that's it. Otherwise it's oat crackers, fruit etc

I'm not buying this stuff. It's what he does

OP posts:
Benibidibici · 30/12/2023 16:16

we don't have any fizzy drinks in the house. Ever. We don't drink them. We have crisps and brunch bars for snacks - that's it. Otherwise it's oat crackers, fruit etc

This is why he's doing it. You've made it forbidden thus desirable.

Appletiser is just fizzy apple juice. Whats wrong with it being fizzy?

Crisps and brunch bars are terrible for your teeth as they leave starchy residues in your molars. Fruit can be too as it combines sugar & acid. Anything can be bad for you.

No teenager wants oat cakes, how boring.

Benibidibici · 30/12/2023 16:19

You will get on better if you provide it with boundaries. Eg buy one bottle of coke per week, no more. One bag of sweets.

The world is full of sweet, processed food. Its better to let him get used to having a little than to try and ban it.

Teach him to moderate. Buying none you are pushing him to go and choose how much to buy himself and he'll always buy more than you want.

Original poster
zeroherozero · 30/12/2023 16:19

Benibidibici · 30/12/2023 16:16

we don't have any fizzy drinks in the house. Ever. We don't drink them. We have crisps and brunch bars for snacks - that's it. Otherwise it's oat crackers, fruit etc

This is why he's doing it. You've made it forbidden thus desirable.

Appletiser is just fizzy apple juice. Whats wrong with it being fizzy?

Crisps and brunch bars are terrible for your teeth as they leave starchy residues in your molars. Fruit can be too as it combines sugar & acid. Anything can be bad for you.

No teenager wants oat cakes, how boring.

I'm sorry, but I think this is a croc. He's not rebelling against us because we have a house of healthy, awful food. You've already pointed out that we have unhealthy snacks. When we all go out, we let him have a fizzy drink (and I'm not talking about appetizer etc, which are fine, I just never think of buying, I'm talking about Pepsi, Pepsi Max, Dr Pepper etc that he loves). It's not 'forbidden'. We do not REFUSE everything.

But I don't buy it because I know he'll go and get it himself anyway, therefore helping himself to twice as much

He just loves this stuff

OP posts:
Original poster
zeroherozero · 30/12/2023 16:20

I'm not trying to ban it! I'm not denying it. I'm just trying to get him to make better, more balanced choices - i.e. not buy it every time he goes out!

OP posts:
Benibidibici · 30/12/2023 16:22

He loves it because its tasty! Its been designed to appeal to us.

Did you allow some sweets and treats when he was little?

Have you tried combining buying some AND restricting his access to money? Give him to get used to it being available and let him adapt.

Original poster
zeroherozero · 30/12/2023 16:23

Maybe we need to combine it - I don't think he has any control, though. Which of course I get - the stuff is designed to hook us in and he's only 13

OP posts:
VisiblyNot25 · 30/12/2023 16:24

I know where you’re coming from OP, my DD is 12 & definitely buys more junk than I’d like - but I think it’s a natural way of asserting their independence as they get older. I think you can only keep providing the nutritious, healthy stuff at home, be rigorous about tooth brushing reminders & about creating opportunities to exercise. I think being too authoritarian/ hectoring is likely to backfire.

lovenotwar149 · 30/12/2023 16:24

I would try to have open chats with him about it tbh. I can relate to your story very much so.
if you are judging it, t even in your head, he's feeling it, In your eyes , in your energy. This, in my opinion, will make him resistant to having open chats about his eating/diet etc

When you ask him questions about his diet/eating etc listen to understand.

Benibidibici · 30/12/2023 16:24

Teens generally do make loads of bad choices. These aren't the worst ones he can make.

He will learn to make better choices by adulthood. I probably was about 25 before i really appreciated healthier food.

Original poster
zeroherozero · 30/12/2023 16:25

I hear all of this - I get what you're saying.

We do talk openly about it. I try not to judge but of course, he knows I am

I worry about his height, that's another layer around this

OP posts:
lovenotwar149 · 30/12/2023 16:25

Teens generally do make loads of bad choices.

Sooo true!

Benibidibici · 30/12/2023 16:26

Most of the kids i know like this were very restricted on sugar/sweet food/treats when very little.

Were you very into zero sugar etc?

If you restrict a resource our brains think its more valuable.

Thisismy3rdusername · 30/12/2023 16:26

Has he just started to properly go out with friends? It could be the novelty factor of having a bit of freedom. My eldest is a bit older than your son and he was similar but I have noticed he has started to self regulate recently. They often develop an interest in fitness etc a little older than your son and this helps with making better choices!
Keep on reminding him to not eat as much crap but I'd also say not to over worry - I think this problem often fixes itself.

Original poster
zeroherozero · 30/12/2023 16:27

Benibidibici · 30/12/2023 16:26

Most of the kids i know like this were very restricted on sugar/sweet food/treats when very little.

Were you very into zero sugar etc?

If you restrict a resource our brains think its more valuable.

Nope, we weren't in zero sugar

OP posts:
Xmastime2023 · 30/12/2023 16:27

How tall is he? My DS has some friends who still look like 11 year olds.

Benibidibici · 30/12/2023 16:28

Re the height, how small is he?

Bear in mind if he's not hit puberty yet he may yet shoot up.

Offer these things after nutritious meals. Coke only after supper on Saturday.

Boymum2104 · 30/12/2023 16:28

If it's mainly the coke you're worried about why don't you try buying 1 bottle of Coke Zero or something similar to have in the fridge? Maybe knowing that you're going to buy it and have it in the fridge he may be less likely to go out and buy it out of his own pocket/ 'binge' on it

Halloweenrainbow · 30/12/2023 16:29

If you've kept any of their baby teeth you could try the experiment where you put the tooth in a class of coke and watch how it ruins the enamel.

LivingInADifferentWorldFromYou · 30/12/2023 16:30

You tend to find once boys hit 16 they become interested in working out, lifting weights, going to the gym and become more disciplined as to what they eat and drink. Both of my sons eat healthier than me, and to be honest my diet has always been quite healthy.

Original poster
zeroherozero · 30/12/2023 16:30

Benibidibici · 30/12/2023 16:28

Re the height, how small is he?

Bear in mind if he's not hit puberty yet he may yet shoot up.

Offer these things after nutritious meals. Coke only after supper on Saturday.

His height in figures is irrelevant on this thread. My concern is the point.

Talking of points, I think you're slightly missing the one I'm raising - it's not about what we do at home (we have tried buying stuff and we do have it sometimes) - it's his going-out-a-lot-and-buying.

I know him, and I know it won't make any difference if we have a fridge full

OP posts: