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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Poo-gate, what to do?

310 replies

notallmenbutalwaysaman · 30/12/2023 05:00

To be honest I just need to rant, I know IANBU but don't know what to do except seethe.

Just before LTB comments start- DH is usually lovely and rarely drinks.

DH went out last night- fine. He had no key and was utterly incoherent when I tried to call/text so I waited up until 2am for him to get home so I could lock up. Then went to bed and he was snoring- I kid you not- like he had some sort of jet engine installed in his chest. He also kept violently shaking and making the bed move like there was some sort of earthquake. He seemed fine medically, just very very drunk. I'm 7 months pregnant, perpetually exhausted, and can barely sleep as it is so obviously couldn't cope with this. He wouldn't stop it or wake up fully when I asked (yelled) at him to go and sleep on the sofa if he was so drunk, and in fact kept telling me to fuck off. So, 2.30am I get my stuff and go sleep on the sofa, which isn't the comfiest when heavily pregnant but is better than a bed installed with earthquake plates.

I must've fallen asleep because at 4am I am awoken by all the lights suddenly being on and an almightly banging in the hallway and kitchen. The washing machine is also inexplicibly on and so obviously the whole living room/kitchen wall has decided to get in on the action and is being as loud as it can possibly be. I try and sleep through it for about 20 minutes before getting up to see what on earth is going on. DH is now fast asleep again, sprawled across the whole bed, but there is a massive stinking pile of poo on the hallway carpet, with splatters leading in to the kitchen. The bathtub is FULL of what I can only describe as poo-confetti. Everything stinks. It's not diarrhea- I'd be a little more understanding of that- but actual solid poo. Now I'm awake (as are, unfortunately, my nostrils) I can't get back to sleep. My back and legs are killing me from sitting/lying on the sofa but absolutely no way do I want to get back in to bed with him (doubt he'd even make room) and I am refusing to clean up on principle but the whole downstairs utterly reeks. He won't clean up- he's still totally incoherent and is refusing to move out of bed.

So now I'm sat here on the sofa, in pain and furious, unable to sleep. What on earth do I do now? I've nowhere to go without a 2+ hour drive which I'm too tired for. What on earth do I do when he wakes up/what is an appropriate punishment/way for him to make up for this? Utterly grossed out and fuming.

OP posts:
AhBiscuits · 30/12/2023 10:31

I think probably drugs, the violent shaking and poopocalypse is not normal alcohol behaviour.

I went on a hen party once with mostly women I didn't know from the hen's hometown. One of them walked into the ladies, pulled her pants down and pissed directly into the bin, laughing her head off the whole time. I still feel traumatised by it. But I agree, 99% of the time it is men that do things like this.

Howbizarre22 · 30/12/2023 10:32

It sounds like you’ve discovered hes been unfaithful. If there’s another woman I’d take a photo of him surrounded in his own excrement & forward to her.
Seriously though OP I hope you’re ok and you have support. Mumsnet can also be valuable as it was for me under those circumstances x

RLmadmum · 30/12/2023 10:33

notallmenbutalwaysaman · 30/12/2023 09:06

Fucking hell, what a night. Anyway something else came out when he woke up (still very drunk) and now poo-gate is the least of my worries. Thank you for all the replies and support but I need to leave the thread now as I think I am actually in shock. He has been thrown out temporarily whilst I think.

You have got to be joking. I'm so sorry OP, hope you've got someone there with you for support. I truly hope you're okay ❤️

Fannyfiggs · 30/12/2023 10:37

I'm sorry to read your update.

Like others have said, please make sure you have real life support ❤️

Mynewnameis · 30/12/2023 10:38

So sorry op.

rainpleasestop · 30/12/2023 10:48

Sounds like you're well rid. I'm sorry OP look after yourself.

Namemchangeforthispostonly101 · 30/12/2023 10:52

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to take this down now.

GoodnightJude1 · 30/12/2023 10:55

I hope you have some RL support OP. Look after yourself 💐

FannyFifer · 30/12/2023 10:55

Hope he cleaned up all his shit before he left.
So sorry OP but well done on being strong enough to make him leave:

Lurkingandlearning · 30/12/2023 11:11

I haven’t read the whole thread but in case this hasn’t already been mentioned- wipe some Vaseline round your nostrils. It stops you being able to smell. Don’t know how but it is what people with smelly jobs do

Calliopespa · 30/12/2023 11:23

Just reading thread now ( in disbelief) but as an initial question to get this straight in my head: you don’t have a (sick) dog do you?

Calliopespa · 30/12/2023 11:25

No … I guess the dog wouldn’t have put the washing machine on… Was just kind of … hoping it hadn’t been an actual human.

Calliopespa · 30/12/2023 11:27

This reply has been deleted

The OP has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to take this down now.

Whaaat?! I’m scrolling about to get back to start but how has it gone from poo explosion to an affair? Those two concepts seem wholly unlikely bedfellows.

CarrotCake01 · 30/12/2023 11:27

notallmenbutalwaysaman · 30/12/2023 09:06

Fucking hell, what a night. Anyway something else came out when he woke up (still very drunk) and now poo-gate is the least of my worries. Thank you for all the replies and support but I need to leave the thread now as I think I am actually in shock. He has been thrown out temporarily whilst I think.

So sorry to read your update. I hope you're alright.

RenovationNightmare · 30/12/2023 11:29

Honestly, I hope he cleaned up his shit before he left. I hope you are okay.

Calliopespa · 30/12/2023 11:30

Tilllly · 30/12/2023 06:06

You need to remove yourself from this, it's not going to do you or baby any good

Get on the premier inn site and see what's available

You could go immediately and it count as night 1, check out at noon / get a second night (I'm for the second night)

Some have an early -11am - check in but I think you only know this when they email you the day before. But you could ring and ask

But get out of the house, into a comfortable bed, get some sleep and then take stock

Yeah I’d get out fast. But leave a note telling him to clean up just in case he thinks it was you and you’ve run off in shame.

hometimesanta · 30/12/2023 11:34

I do think he will be very sorry when he sobers up but I am going to be expecting a huge bunch of flowers and an apology meal at the very least I think.

Are you very insecure OP?

Most people would not be looking for flowers and an apology. The majority would be disgusted, quite rightly so, and be making plans to either end the relationship (I would but my bar is set high) or have a serious talk about his drinking and probably drug use. Him saying sorry isn't quite going to be enough

Calliopespa · 30/12/2023 11:34

Lostinbrum · 30/12/2023 10:27

Oh no OP read your update hope your OK x

Oh yes sorry as well to find the update OP. Trying not to keep to conclusions. Whatever you do, get away from the poo. It’s dangerous when pregnant. X

Sauvblanctime · 30/12/2023 11:37

Oh op, bless you, I hope you’re ok. X

ellie09 · 30/12/2023 11:44

Revelation of worse news coming to light just solidifies what I would do.

You're heavily pregnant with a baby on the way and you need a responsible MAN around who can behave himself appropriately.

Getting obsenely drunk and shitting all over the house is the absolute other end of the extremeties. Ive never heard anything like it in my whole life. I HAVE experienced a very drunk man pissing in the corner of his room but never shitting himself.

I dont even know what the revelation was afterwards and I am not going to even try and guess unless you're comfortable sharing.

I wouldn't make the move out temporary either. I would be telling him he can move back out, have no contact with you but you will let him know about baby news etc. Id be letting him play a father role and doing his duties in that respect, but I wouldnt be letting him move back in until he can prove for at least a year that he can stay off the drink and become a respectable father and partner for you and the baby.

Horrible behaviour.

Even animals dont act like that.

I also hope he ended up cleaning it up properly.

RobertaFirmino · 30/12/2023 11:44

Do let the vipers nest know if there's anything you need.

GabriellaMontez · 30/12/2023 11:47

Sadly, some men permit their behaviour to deteriorate when their partner is pregnant or has a baby. It sounds like he's one of those.

Fadtwtat · 30/12/2023 11:59

I'm so sorry you're going through this, sending you a hug.

AutumnBride · 30/12/2023 12:04

lucya66 · 30/12/2023 07:43

Oh no is he having a medical episode? If he’s never done this before if he’ll is be concerned.

wait until he wakes up and see if he needs help. Poor bloke will be embarrassed! He might need your love and support rather than your anger.

FFS, no wonder the patriarchy is alive and well.