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Original poster

What to do about DDog as a single parent when adult children move out?

69 replies

floweryshoes · 29/12/2023 22:14

My adult DD has been saving for a house deposit and is hoping to start looking seriously for a property in the new year. I am a single parent and don't have any family support. We have a labrador who is pretty hyper and requires quite a lot of attention. Due to changing circumstances I am unsure whether I will be able to commit to looking after him myself once DD moves out. It's not practical for DD to take him either as she works full time and volunteers as well as her social life and figuring out being a homeowner.

I don't want to have to give him up as he is a lovely good-natured dog and it's not his fault, however I don't know what else I will be able to do. I don't have spare funds for a dog walker etc. Any suggestions please?

OP posts:
BlackForestHotChocolate · 29/12/2023 22:18

Could this maybe work? https://www.borrowmydoggy.com/

I’m not sure it’s a long term solution though. As a fellow lab owner rehoming would be so hard. How old is your dog?

BorrowMyDoggy - Share the love of dogs

Connecting dog owners & local dog borrowers for walks, weekends and holidays.

https://www.borrowmydoggy.com/

Chypre · 29/12/2023 22:20

How old is the dog? Adult dogs do like high energy and attention, but also will be absolutely fine with less (most dogs spend time completely by themselves while humans are at work + commute).
Also you might feel a bit lonely when DD moves out so dog’a companionship might be very beneficial.

StarDolphins · 29/12/2023 22:21

Ask family, friends, borrow my dog, local teens?

Make it work, this dog is reliant on you, he loves you & you’re his family. Not sure if you can commit imo isn’t good enough. Do the right thing by him & find a solution.

Beckafett · 29/12/2023 22:23

Whose dog is it? Theirs or yours?
When you say circumstances have changed what do you mean?

Manyandyoucanwalkover · 29/12/2023 22:26

Poor dog, how can you even think of not looking after him properly? You have to prioritise his needs, so find the money for a dog walker. You can’t get a dog and then get rid when it suits you, that’s utterly heartbreaking.

Mammillaria · 29/12/2023 22:28

You are going to get a very hard time on here. Maybe deservedly, maybe not, since we don't know the planning that went into getting your DDog or your change of circumstances.

Would a lodger be an option when DD has vacated her room? It could be extra company for DDog and extra income for doggy daycare.

Ohdearohdearohdea · 29/12/2023 22:31

"Would a lodger be an option when DD has vacated her room? It could be extra company for DDog and extra income for doggy daycare"

Thats actually a really good idea. Perhaps they could pay less rent if they helped look after the dog ?

Violetparis · 29/12/2023 22:31

Ask your daughter to make time to take the dog out.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 29/12/2023 22:35

Good grief !

A dog is for life, not just for families.

Not quite sure what being a single parent is about - if the child is now an adult ?

Bellyblueboy · 29/12/2023 22:49

What age is the dog? What hours do you work? Why can you not walk him every day?

when you got the dog (as a puppy?) how did you plan to care for him throughout his life?

apart from your daughter growing up, what other circumstances have changed?

Romeiswheretheheartis · 29/12/2023 22:49

whether I will be able to commit to looking after him myself once DD moves out. It's not practical for DD to take him either as she works full time and volunteers as well as her social life and figuring out being a homeowner.

It sounds like dd has a very full life already, so how much looking after the dog does she do now, that you would have to take over when she's gone? It doesn't sound like she currently has lots of time to give him attention, so how much will things change when she's not there?

Bellyblueboy · 29/12/2023 22:54

this is an odd first post. A lot of people come on here and pretend to be a bit rubbish about their pets to whip up outrage.

You say you aren’t sure you can commit to a dog that you have already committed to. You list your daughters lovely full life as an excuse for her to not help with the dog.

if this is true why on earth did you get the dog in the first place? I agonised over getting a cat for years - I wanted to make sure I could give a pet a good home for life. it’s heartless to turn your back on a family pet when they become inconvenient

millymae · 29/12/2023 23:09

Is it just the fact that you will be on your own and busy with work commitments etc when your daughter moves out, or is there is something more to your changing circumstances that you haven’t mentioned?
I’m only asking because I have a friend who volunteers for the Cinnamon Trust and walks a dog for one of their members who needs help looking after their pet.
I think there are certain criteria you need to meet before the Trust will help, but it may be worth a google to see if you could be eligible

Theimpossiblegirl · 29/12/2023 23:19

How are you managing the dog now? Your dd sounds very busy so maybe not that helpful with him anyway. A dog walker once a day should suffice. Get her to chip in and take some weekends and holidays.

Saracen · 29/12/2023 23:40

You've made a commitment to this dog, so you need to find a way to look after him. I'd take in a dog-loving lodger who would help take care of the dog in exchange for cheap rent. It shouldn't be too hard to find somebody who wants to live with such a lovely dog and who would welcome an affordable room.

LaurieStrode · 30/12/2023 01:09

StarDolphins · 29/12/2023 22:21

Ask family, friends, borrow my dog, local teens?

Make it work, this dog is reliant on you, he loves you & you’re his family. Not sure if you can commit imo isn’t good enough. Do the right thing by him & find a solution.

Agree.

You really need to exert yourself.

GodspeedJune · 30/12/2023 01:12

Not sure if you can commit?! FGS, you committed the moment you got him! Don’t be so cruel, you and your family are his whole world.

Youremylobster87 · 30/12/2023 01:12

Surely before buying the dog you knew that your daughter would move out some day? This honestly makes me so sad, the poor dog. Also if your daughter works full time she's not there alot of the time anyway?

uncomfortablydumb53 · 30/12/2023 01:14

Not sure you can commit? Find a way to make it work
Circumstances change, but your commitment shouldn't

Wateroverwine · 30/12/2023 02:23

Shelters are over run with xl bullies or types because of the ban. If you have a dog of another breed it is extremely selfish to attempt to give them to a shelter at this time. You choose to have a dog

aurynne · 30/12/2023 03:00

When my DH and I separated my life revolved around finding people to give my dog company and exercise while I was working. My work involves shifts and ocassional nights away at short notice. It is hard but doable.

Then I found an amazing flatmate who loves dogs and is happy to fill in for me, keeping her company, feeding her and doing walks when I am away. Not only it works for me, but my doggie loves him and having another playmate for her has benefitted her immensely.

In return for this I charge him very little rent and help him in other ways, like giving him rides to the airport or town (he does not have a car).

There are many ways you can keep your committment to your dog, some may need a lot of planning or thinking outside the box but they are so worth it!

Purplesilkpyjamas · 30/12/2023 03:19

This post has turned my stomach. What a vile attitude OP.

wideawakeinthemiddleofthenightagain · 30/12/2023 03:38

Or you just do a a few friends of mine have done and find a family who are looking for a pet and don't want a puppy. One of my friend's dogs has been "on holiday" two doors down the road for over 18 months. When the family who now look after him go away or are busy, my friend steps in again and the dog moves back. Another friend has a sort of shared care arrangement whereby a retired couple in the village have the dog Mon - Thurs when my friend, her DH & their DC are busy with work, school & clubs and then my friend has the dog Fri - Sun when they have the time to exercise it properly and everything and the retired couple go to their holiday home. Again, there is flexibility on both sides. A neighbour of mine got a dog with the intention of sharing it with her sister who lives a couple of miles away.

HaveToHaveTheLastWord · 30/12/2023 12:36

Manyandyoucanwalkover · 29/12/2023 22:26

Poor dog, how can you even think of not looking after him properly? You have to prioritise his needs, so find the money for a dog walker. You can’t get a dog and then get rid when it suits you, that’s utterly heartbreaking.

Find the money! 🤣🤣🤣
I'll remember that's all I have to do next time I can't afford something!

Eekmystro · 30/12/2023 12:44

Who chose to get the dog, you or adult DD? If Adult DD I would insist she take the dog and leave it to her to organise how she will meet its needs.

If you chose to get the dog then I suppose you could see if there is a local teen who would do some cheap walks, or go on a borrow my doggy website.

Why is the dog so hard work. Surely just needs a couple of walks a day? If the dog is young I assume he will settle with age too.