What to do about DDog as a single parent when adult children move out?

[floweryshoes]

My adult DD has been saving for a house deposit and is hoping to start looking seriously for a property in the new year. I am a single parent and don't have any family support. We have a labrador who is pretty hyper and requires quite a lot of attention. Due to changing circumstances I am unsure whether I will be able to commit to looking after him myself once DD moves out. It's not practical for DD to take him either as she works full time and volunteers as well as her social life and figuring out being a homeowner.

I don't want to have to give him up as he is a lovely good-natured dog and it's not his fault, however I don't know what else I will be able to do. I don't have spare funds for a dog walker etc. Any suggestions please?

You took on a commitment when you got a dog. Surely you knew this would happen when your children grew up and now you want to punish the dog for your lack of planning. I wish people would actually think before doing these things.

I think in the simplest terms any half decent person stands by the commitment they made when they got the dog.

Well hopefully you won't have taken on an animal that lives for years without thinking about the fact that you need to care for them for their lives, and not just until they aren't convenient any more.

Dogs are a commitment, and part of a family. There are people who are going without food for themselves because they place bake in looking after their pet. The OP isn't struggling because they are financially poorer, but because they didn't consider that the family pet would need care, exercise and attention for its whole life. And that is why they are quite reasonably being told to step up and take responsibility for the commitment they took on.

Still doesn't explain the flippant "if you can't afford it, find money" statement though does it.
And for the record, I didn't state op was in the right. I wouldn't ever take on a pet with no thought to ongoing care, and despite your patronising explanation I am fully aware of the commitment required when taking on an animal. I've had my two for 10 years now and they are family, and will always be provisioned for.

But I still can't magic money from nowhere! 😉

It's not a frock, it's a dog. They are a commitment for the duration of their lifetime, and yes, if youve taken on that commitment, you find the fucking money, even if it means going without something yourself.

Oh yay, more patronising. Refer to my comment to the person who said the same as you above!

I'm going to play devil's advocate before everyone piles onto the OP, in the absence of background info.... It's possible that when she got the dog, she had a partner with whom she shared care of the dog, but who has since left. And maybe she's been muddling through with the help of DD who's now leaving.

That would be excusable.... and maybe if it's amicable the theoretical ex might be able to help out from time to time.
Otherwise the lodger idea is a good one.

If that's not the case, I'm sad for poor DDog. They're part of the family 😞

As they get older they need less attention I have found - my ddog adapted to living with just exh well and seems a little put out at how busy my house is when he's here (about 2 months a year in 2-3 chunks) no kids here but there's up to 6 of us depending on who is currently camping out here!

Oh noooo, we mustn't state facts plainly in case somebody feels patwonised.

🤣 you're funny!

Clearly stating the facts to an individual who is already fully appraised of them is the very definition of patronising. Fact! 🤷‍♀️

There will be loads of people who will be willing to help as they can't have a dog of their own.
My brother's dog regularly goes to his neighbours when he works long days.
Try some of your neighbours, I'd jump at the chance if someone asked me to do this.

It's too late to say you cant commit. You've already committed when you got him and you knew that this would be a lifetime commitment.
You're either going to have to find the time or find the money. Pets aren't disposable.

Ime ddog will adapt. Sometimes I come in and mine haven't even moved!!

What kind of things do you do with him now, do you walk him somewhere interesting & fun or is he just trotted around until he's done his business and then home again ? I know it's hard when you're short on time but a little extra effort with walks will really pay off for him & for you. He needs attention, stimulation and a lot of exercise, have a look at some canine enrichment groups on facebook for cheap & fun ideas to keep him busy .

Give the dog to a Labrador charity (don't just dump him at Battersea or the RSPCA) so that they can find a family who have experience with the breed to look after him. If you can't afford him and you're just gonna leave him alone all day then he deserves better.

And next time, think very carefully before you make a commitment like a pet. A dog is for LIFE not just until your child moves out.

How was it cared for previously? Is it actually the daughter's dog? If so, then she has to take it. If it's your, but she used to walk it, then you have to walk it. Get up 20 minutes earlier to walk it, and do it before bed. I used to hate walking until I got a dog. I look so much better now, I feel healthier too. You can't really abandon it now, it would be heartless. All it needs are a couple of walks and feeding. The kennels around here are full. It would be cruel to place him in one, because you can't be bothered anymore.

If your daughter bought the dog after she turned 18 then she should be taking it with her.

If you bought the dog for your family or daughter when she was a child then you’ve already accepted responsibility for it and need to find a way to make it work.

It's not practical for DD to take him either as she works full time and volunteers as well as her social life and figuring out being a homeowner.

So only "figuring out being a homeowner" is new, how much is she around at the moment to provide hands on assistance with the dog?

Did it not occur to you, when you bought a dog, that your adult children would be moving at at some point in the dog’s lifetime? How long did you think a dog would live? It’s a Labrador, not a bunch of flowers.

If you can't make time for him then do the right thing and find him a home with someone who will.

You made a commitment to your dog until the day it dies. For all of its life, not just until it becomes inconvenient. The dog loves you. You are it's family. You need to step up and make it work. You do an early morning walk and pay a teen to do an evening walk. When my dh fractured his spine and couldn't walk he paid a local teen £5 a day for a 40 minute walk on days I was out with DC in the evening. Maybe ask your DD to come to see the dog and walk it once or twice a walk.

Huh, how on earth can you suddenly be unsure if you can commit to your dog? I was married when I got mine as a pup, but we ended up separating about 4 years ago. I could only afford to buy a flat and took my dog with me.

It was bloody hard work. No lie ins, out walking around 6 times a day because I didn’t have a garden, no days out unless my mum could have him, evenings out could only be about 4 hours long to get back for him. If DS was around he’d occasionally do one of the walks but most of the time it was just me.

But I bloody well did it because I made that commitment to DDog when I took him home at 8 weeks old. He sadly had to be PTS in October and I miss every walk, every disturbed night and even the 5am get ups.

Every Friday night on Mumsnet there is a lame thread by a first-time poster calculated to wind up dog people.

This!!!

so what happens now when shes out at work all day

you must have some sort of idea what to do as youre doing it now