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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irritated that PIL use first name middle name?

68 replies

Ninju · 29/12/2023 22:07

Minor in the grand scheme, I know, but genuinely not sure if I'm overthinking it.
DS has my last name, not DPs. DP doesn't like his last name and will probably change to mine/DS when we get married.
Say his name is George James Smith (obviously it's not actually) PIL call him George James. Not all the time, but increasingly often, and they put George James frequently in cards etc.
Now I'm a bit put out as they've got him a lovely gift but personalised it with 'George James'.
I think it looks like it is a double first name, or that his surname is James, and to me it feels a bit like they are desperate to not use my surname. I wasn't expecting his full name on any cards or gifts, but why not just use his first name and just put George on things!? DP and I have never once called him George James. It's put me off the gift a bit as it just feels a bit deliberate and I get irritated when I look at it. If I'd wanted him to have a double first name I'd have named him that way, and the more they use it, the less I like the sound of it!

Do I need to get over it?

OP posts:
janjan23 · 29/12/2023 22:09

That would annoy me sounds like they are trying to make a point. It's your partner's place to say something.

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 29/12/2023 22:09

How old is ds? Guessing the novelty will wear off soon enough op. Presumably you like both names?

apintofwine · 29/12/2023 22:10

YABU

When a baby is born people will often refer to them as their first and middle names and these are their given names, that you have chosen. eg I’d always send a card saying congratulations on the safe arrival of George James. The middle name will drop off as he gets older.

I think you are massively overreacting as you’re feeling sensitive about the surname situ.

Spottyhousecoat · 29/12/2023 22:11

Does dh have a middle name do they call him by both?

WhateverMate · 29/12/2023 22:14

Are they Irish by any chance?

My parents are and they'd always write the first and middle names on cards until the kids were older.

I've never really questioned it until now!

Mylobsterteapot · 29/12/2023 22:16

Is there another George in the family? There are two people with the same first name as me in my family (and there was another but she died) so as we ran out of nicknames, I am called by my first and middle name to differentiate from the others.

Bettyscakes · 29/12/2023 22:17

Goodness my DH & I do this sometimes with our DGD. It’s not deliberate, it feels affectionate and we love both names (as well as the middle one meaning something)

Original poster
Ninju · 29/12/2023 22:17

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 29/12/2023 22:09

How old is ds? Guessing the novelty will wear off soon enough op. Presumably you like both names?

He is 2, and it's happening more rather than less with time...
I didn't mind at first when he was born when they put it in the card, didn't think much of it, but now becoming more so verbally and texts, cards and now gift.
Husband's middle name never used.

OP posts:
Fionaville · 29/12/2023 22:19

It sounds like your DS is very young. It's something people tend to do with babies. When people ask the babies name, the first and middle names are usually given. I wouldn't get worked up about it at all, they probably just thing the two names flow nicely together. Middle name usage tends to drop off the older the child gets.

Elclr · 29/12/2023 22:20

I'm late 30s and many of my family members still call me by my first and middle name. I have the same surname as both of my parents, but was just a term of endearment really.

I wouldn't over think it.

Original poster
Ninju · 29/12/2023 22:23

WhateverMate · 29/12/2023 22:14

Are they Irish by any chance?

My parents are and they'd always write the first and middle names on cards until the kids were older.

I've never really questioned it until now!

Irish heritage so maybe that's it!!

It wasn't a usual thing for me- I don't think most of my family know my middle name- so does seem unusual but actually good to know that some people do this.

It's nicer to think of PIL as being affectionately traditional rather than seething about the name issue...

OP posts:
Sodullincomparison · 29/12/2023 22:28

My family are Irish and I got both names frequently growing up and my mum will call my DD her two names as well frequently when calling her.

we both have nicknames and you know the time to worry is when you get full first name + middle name. oooof!

newnamethanks · 29/12/2023 22:30

Yes. You do. Fast.

Tbry24 · 29/12/2023 22:32

Sodullincomparison · 29/12/2023 22:28

My family are Irish and I got both names frequently growing up and my mum will call my DD her two names as well frequently when calling her.

we both have nicknames and you know the time to worry is when you get full first name + middle name. oooof!

Same in my family, we are not Irish. But there’s a lot of us and my parent is from a huge family so I thought that was the reason. So that if they yell both your names at you you know they mean you and not one of the others 😂

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 29/12/2023 22:33

Assume they mean it in a nice way.
My dnan called me by the wrong pronunciation for 39 years!

WhateverMate · 29/12/2023 22:48

Ninju · 29/12/2023 22:23

Irish heritage so maybe that's it!!

It wasn't a usual thing for me- I don't think most of my family know my middle name- so does seem unusual but actually good to know that some people do this.

It's nicer to think of PIL as being affectionately traditional rather than seething about the name issue...

Show quote history

My parents (mostly my Dad) did it with all 3 of mine until they were about 3 or 4 I think?

I also have a cousin named 'Michael John' and I always thought he had a double barrel name, but it turns out he just didn't outgrow what the older family members called him 🤣

IfTheresTeaTheresHope · 29/12/2023 22:50

Only you know how much it bothers you.
Either tell them he’s to be called solely George so there’s no doubt or suck it up and accept that they call him George James.

Saracen · 29/12/2023 23:50

I think it's just a cute pet name they have for him. They must like the sound of it. It beats "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Georgie"!

My second child had a first name + middle name combo which everyone seemed to think went well together. Most of the aunties and uncles used both names, though DH and DC1 and I used just her first name. I didn't mind; after all, we had chosen both names so obviously they were names we liked!

That habit gradually dropped off, but some of them still occasionally use both names even now she is a teen, when they are feeling extra affectionate.

HumourReplacementTherapy · 30/12/2023 00:10

God yes, Irish family here too. It was one of two things
Endearment or Endanger.
As in 'get downstairs right now Katie Marie or you'll be in danger I tell ya!

WickDittington · 30/12/2023 00:12

Quite normal in my family to use all our given names without our family name. It’s not always about you, you know! Life gets easier when one learns to accept this.

RitaFromThePitCanteen · 30/12/2023 00:23

My grandparents used to do the same with me and all their grandchildren, in fact. While we talk about first names and middle names these days, traditionally in England at least, people only had given names and surnames. That's why people would refer to your surname as your second name. You don't hear it so much these days.

Middle names as a separate name to your first name is a more recent concept.

What they're doing is old fashioned but not exactly unheard of. I seriously doubt it's a slight against your surname.

Tawlk · 30/12/2023 00:39

WhateverMate · 29/12/2023 22:14

Are they Irish by any chance?

My parents are and they'd always write the first and middle names on cards until the kids were older.

I've never really questioned it until now!

This 😂😂

jannier · 30/12/2023 00:47

Why give two names if you don't like them used?

N0KIA · 30/12/2023 00:48

My grandparents do this and mean no harm. I think its a generational thing. My children are always first-middle by my grandparents and so was I.

MindfullyAmazedHorse · 30/12/2023 00:49

It’ll probably wear off pretty quickly.

It is nice to use middle names, as they are then usually hardly ever used.

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